This Bear Walks into a Bar in Alaska

“This Bear Walks into a Bar in Alaska”

I sit and wait for their cessation–
these blocks to actual conversation
that make me want to sputter, choke,
and leave before another joke
escapes the lips of that lame teller
who thinks his dumb jokes are so stellar
that they stand in for actual
statements that are factual.

It makes me want to take a toke,
to whinny, bark, meow or croak.
I don’t like jokes too awful much.
I find they are another crutch
that keeps at bay words intimate
with words that entertain or cut.
Make no mistake, I love a pun,
and humor is a lot of fun.

Laughter’s not the problem, see.
It’s jokes that really bother me.
Using someone else’s words
is what I find slightly absurd.
What’s more, there’s always just one more
joke to tell.  It’s such a bore.
I want to hear your mind at work–
not jokes retold by every jerk.

Even so, I’m prompted to
find a joke to tell to you.
So rather than betray my taste,
and hoping you’ve some time to waste,
I’m going to give a punch line here
and though I know it’s kind of queer,
I hope you’ll try to take a poke.
Here’s a punch line. Please write the joke:

“You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”
(Write me the joke now if you dare.
Don’t feel you have to make it rhyme.
A joke in prose takes half the time.)

8 thoughts on “This Bear Walks into a Bar in Alaska

    1. lifelessons Post author

      Here are some more submissions from my friend Bob Klug who emailed me his responses. He got sorta carried away, as you can see. Like that in a person. My favorite is the salmon story.

      Subject: Bipolar bear stories

      “You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”
      (Write me the joke now if you dare.
      Don’t feel you have to make it rhyme.
      A joke in prose takes half the time.)

      “You’ll see” Snerk announced to the other white bears. It was story time, the Spring hunt would begin at first light and he was the last story teller. The adults grinned in anticipation and the little ones giggled as he was the best story teller and the biggest liar ever. “You young ‘uns, he began, would love Disneyland and you big ‘uns would hate Florida.” He went on for an hour telling of fantastic places and amazing adventures then closed with; “But I don’t travel the earth because I want to, I travel because I have to!” Snerk then rose tall and lifted his snout higher as he gently sniffed the fresher air and said, “You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”

      I LOVE SALMON!!! I HATE SALMON!!! I LOVE SALMON!!! I HATE SALMON!!! “You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”


      “Damn that auto spell!” Smokey thought as he read the e-mail response from his fiance. She was the most beautiful white bear in land but would she believe he wasn’t a bisexual bear? He pleaded, “You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”


      “You think you got problems? Smokey the bear said as he introduced himself to his new psych ward support group. This year I had my upswing during the winter and I was too giddy to sleep. Now it’s spring and I’m too tired to hunt and too depressed to care. With my luck I’ll have another winter trying to hibernate while humming Christmas carols, starving to death. You see, I’m a bipolar bear.”


      “You see, I’m a bipolar bear with a lot of hair and in summer it’s too hot to sleep.
      It’s not fair to me to be big like a tree so give me an axe or some lithum.”


  1. Laura M.

    I love a beer, that I’m sure,
    kept cool on a turquoise glacier,
    as to my partner, I’m less certain
    who I’ll wrestle behind the curtain.
    I flip and flop, I’m hot and cold
    like climate change (or so I’m told).
    Make up your mind, they say to me,
    just choose a team and let it be:
    The His-and-Hers or the matching pair?
    “Don’t make me choose, I’m a bi polar bear!”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: The Daily Post: Ha Ha Ha – Bear Tales | Cee's Photography

  3. Anton Wills-Eve

    “You see I’m a bi-polar bear”.
    He said pulling up a comfy chair.
    “But I hurt my head walking into that bar
    It was solid steel.”,So I bought him a jar
    Of beer, you know , to soothe the pain
    But he slipped and hit his head again.
    So, feeling sorry for the somewhat furry punk,
    I bought him another and made him drunk,
    So he asked the cute bar girl, if she liked me.
    I knew, as he winked, I was on a certainty.
    The bear said “Buddy this one’s on me” ,
    Then went over to her to settle the fee.
    All fixed,bud, her name’s Anne, from Nebraska”
    “But where do we meet?”. “I don’t know.. Alaska!”

    🙂 🙂 🙂 Anton
    Sorry Judy. It’s my poem & story but the last word is the oldest American joke I know.


    Liked by 2 people


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