How to Mend a Broken Heart
Pop a really big bowl of popcorn.
Don’t think of calories.
Just ignore the old maids in the bottom—
this is not a fortune-telling experience.
Lots of butter.
Locate chocolate.
If none is to be found,
there is likely a 7-11 within driving distance
no matter where you happen to be.
Get the biggest bar.
A bite of popcorn, then a bite of chocolate.
Locate an old Ma and Pa Kettle movie somewhere online and watch it.
Ma Kettle is you in ten years if your love affair had worked out.
Pa Kettle is who your lover would have turned into.
Find an old Sophia Loren movie online and watch it.
Sophia Loren is who you are now.
Don’t worry about the popcorn.
Sophia Loren wouldn’t.
Imagine Paul Newman eating popcorn
off your bare back.
Flip over.
Flash on making love to Pa Kettle.
Quickly flash back to Paul Newman
now eating popcorn off your bare clavicle.
Imagine your ex in a movie theater
watching Paul Newman make love to you
up there on the big screen.
Don’t worry about who your ex is with.
Well, maybe just one little peek.
Your ex is with Ma Kettle!
Too young to know who Ma and Pa Kettle are? Watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_PkDGwoleA
or this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PC1QxZ7htOQ
The prompt from NaPoWriMo was to write a “How To” poem. I appealed for more of a prompt from forgottenman, who suggested, “How to Mend a Broken Heart.” That happens to be something I am an expert at, so this is what transpired.
Sweet! And brilliant.
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This made me smile, all the way through. 🙂
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Funny and lovely! I liked the lines “Don’t worry about the popcorn. / Sophia Loren wouldn’t.” very much,
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Ma & Pa Kettle were before my time; I see this “On Vacation” trailer was made in 1953, the year I was born. But I have some vague memories of my parents watching their antics.
As to the growing a new heart, one can say “Hope springs eternal.” For the past couple of weeks my browser has even let me visit your site — a real triumph of persistence. 🙂
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Love it.
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Crunchy whimsy!
Sent from my iPad
>
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Ha.
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I haven’t had my heart broken — not counting medically — in a while, but if I do, I’ll refer back to this lovely post 🙂
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Actually, it is a pretty nice way to spend the evening even if your heart hasn’t been broken!!!
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A new favourite! If you’re keeping track, my first aloud guffaw happened at
“Ma Kettle is you in ten years if your love affair had worked out.
Pa Kettle is who your lover would have turned into.”
And then I got the the Paul Newman bit.
Gold, my friend. Gold.
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I almost didn’t post it. Thanks, forgottenman, for telling me I should.
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my personal cure: popcorn with M&Ms tossed in while the popcorn is still warm and the chocolate melts, just a little. Another really wonderful post, Judy. Thank you.
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Ah yes.. I used to do this in the movies. Except then they’d get mixed up with the old maids at the bottom.
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Very funny! One of my biggest regrets in life is that I never got to see the Bee Gees in concert… Sigh…
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Yup, this is definitely the recipe for mending a broken heart. Loved this.
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Thanks, Jade.
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