Teaching Our Kids to be Violent


Teaching Our Kids to Be Violent

I’m in a very busy outside restaurant on the plaza in La Manzanilla, Mexico.  To the front and side of me are two long tables filled with 13 adults, children and teens who seem to be members of the same family.  When I first entered, the littlest girl in the family was sitting on the lap of her auntie or her mom, mugging for “sorta selfies” taken by her mom/auntie who was using some app to horribly distort the photos.  All were laughing uproarously at the monstrous images.

Then the child moved to the end of the table, where someone had removed the long cellophane-plumed toothpicks that had held their sandwiches together. Grabbing two of the toothpicks, she proceeded to jab the pointed end of one of them into the arm of one of the young women at the table. 

Waiting for chastisement, I was sorely disappointed, as what I imagine to be an auntie giggled and then grabbed the other toothpick and jabbed her back. Back and forth they went, all of the adults at the table smiling and laughing as though it was the most adorable little performance in the world.  In time, the child went down the table, jabbing with more enthusiasm each time, moving to the other table where eventually she jabbed so violently that the adult slapped her.  She slapped the adult back and a slapping match ensued.  Everyone watched, smiling, giggling. Such an adorable child! 

She moved away from the slapping match and sneaked up on a more elderly member of the party, approaching her from behind to take a hard jab with the point of the toothpick into the flesh of the woman’s upper arm.  The woman jerked away in surprise, slapping at the arm as though she believed it to be a wasp or bee sting.  This brought great peals of laughter from the other table and the child returned to it to take her bows.  

At no point in this crazy string of behavior did any adult ever censure the child or display any emotion other than enjoyment and approbation. I, on the other hand, was totally horrified.  What they were teaching the child was fairly obvious.  They  were well-dressed and sophisticated-looking, modernly dressed—like city folk come to the beach who didn’t actually want to get sand between their toes.  The voices of the seeming other half of their party at the nearby table were louder than theirs—very loud, in fact, to the point that even some Mexican customers accustomed to the general noise of Mexico were glancing over in surprise. But the table where the child sat seemed more refined–in the level of their voices if not in their surprising acceptance of the increasing violence of the formerly angelic-looking little girl.

Was she the heir to a vast cartel empire? Was this part of her education in ruthlessness? Was their glee at her monstrous appearance on the smart phone just a hint of the monster child they would raise to carry on the family business?  As most scenarios begun in restaurants and other public places, this is a story whose ending I will never know. I leave it to your imagination to come up with an ending for yourself.

But I could not help seeing it as a small metaphor for the violence in films and games and sports entertainment that our kids are submerged in every day.  It seems as though movies and TV are resorting to ever more violent and extreme cruelties to keep our interest. War and murder are not enough. Sadistic twists and torture are called upon to keep the audiences and thereby swell the coffers of production companies and advertisers.

Years ago when violence first reared its ugly head on TV, we were told that it was a fantasy that would have no effect on children, but if we look at the world around us, I think this is an assertion that has been proven to be false. As some in our society grow ever more affluent, we grow increasing more dependent on entertainment to distract us from the reality around us, and part of that reality seems, sadly, to be that we are teaching our kids to be more violent.


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17 thoughts on “Teaching Our Kids to be Violent

  1. Christine Goodnough

    Totally agree!

    One writer analyzing modern books says it’s not so much the violence that has changed, but the perspective. A clear “Good” used to triumph over evil. Nowadays the hero in stories tends to be only slightly better than the bad guys — same murderous methods, more acceptable motive. Or the tale is twisted until Little Red Riding Hood’s sadistic and the Wolf’s a misunderstood victim.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Scotty’s Keep

    Who remembers the violent cartoons — the Roadrunner and the coyote, Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny. How many times has Felix the cat been smashed? Violence has been there my entire life and I’m 81.


      1. Scotty’s Keep

        Perhap you are right, but I would place the blame on our communications. Nothing slips by.

        A couple of years ago a mother brought three pre-teenagers into a cafe where we were eating. While she visited with a friend the kids jumped from table top to table top. I told her she should taker her hellions home and give the world a rest. No friendship made there.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. slmret

    For many years, I wondered when we became such a violent society — I have recently come to think that we’ve always been violent to some extent, with peace a learned trait. I once watched, in a restaurant, a family that had 3 unruly boys. As the kids play became worse, the parents began to play with them in kind, completely encouraging them. They actually apologized to me on more than one occasion, and ended up paying my bill — they knew they were wrong, but had continued their bad behavior. Unfortunately babies don’t come with manuals that talk about not rewarding bad behavior — I think that has been a necessity since the era of the flower children.


  4. Anonymous

    yowza! must have been hard to watch. I always struggle in those situations of whether to say something or not. A group like that probably couldn’t have heard a different perspective anyway. Horrible!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Stevie Turner

    Some people are frightened of disciplining kids or take the easy option because it’s less stressful. Small children are like little savages who need teaching right from wrong. I pity her parents in a few years’ time…


  6. koolkosherkitchen

    Fairy tales are full of violence, but children are – or should be! – taught the difference between fantasy and appropriate behavior in real life. Evil is inevitably punished in fairy tales, and the good guys collect just rewards. There is an obvious lesson in that, but it seems to be distorted in modern film, television, and game industries.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. koolkosherkitchen

        I beg to disagree. Fairy tales are full of violence because they teach valuable moral lessons: good always wins over evil; good is rewarded and evil is punished.
        Sadly, internet, movies, and games promote violence for the sake of violence.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. lifelessons Post author

    You can’t be disagreeing because that’s exactly what I said.. Now it is violence for violence’s sake, not to teach a lesson.

    Incidently, and totally off the main point, I’ve read that the original Grimm Bros. Fairy Tale that was one of the two tales Cinderella was based on is much grislier than today’s versions of the tale. One of Cinderella’s sisters originally cut off her big toe to fit in the slipper, the other cut off her heel. Yech.



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