Grandpa’s going ballistic, because in place of turkey,
my vegetarian sister is serving us tofurkey!
Grandma lost her lower plate, her jaw dropped down so far
when Sis brought in cranberries served from their store-bought jar.
All the usual “ooohs” and “aahs” were just replaced with sighs.
Milk-and-butterless potatoes and no whipped cream on the pies?
The food that we partook of was devoid of any beast.
Only plants were massacred to engineer our feast.
It was mayhem at the table and I flinched from the barrage
of complaints when all my family’s men took off for the garage
to imbibe in liquid turkey of their own variety,
“Wild Turkey” likely being the only bird they’d see.
Sis smacked her lips with relish and devoured the whole meal,
it being most unlikely that the rest of us would steal
even a single morsel. We’d already made our plans
to hop into our Hondas, our Buicks and our vans
and all stop by for pizza and some ice cream as a way
for us to put Thanksgiving back into our day.
Meanwhile, in the dining room, Auntie popped a cork,
declaring that next year she’d cook, and she’d be serving pork!!!