Rules of Order
(Mom’s Note Taped up on The Fridge)
I have a part time passion for things in their right place.
Shoes go in the closet. A nose goes on a face.
An Oxford comma bothers me when placed before an “and.”
An apostrophe in a plural word? Something I can’t stand!
“Me and her,” though common in modern print and speech,
is a solecism that I must beseech
you not to make. The use of it is bound to cause a screech.
Such errors unforgivable—a gross grammatical breach.
When issued from an errant tongue, it’s sure to cause a rise
in my pulse and blood pressure and pitchforks in my eyes!!!!
When I was a teacher, I’d put squiggles through a word
like “awesome” for its overuse was one I found absurd.
In striking out such errors, I felt most justified,
to save its proper usage for times more bonafide.
Right things in right places just somehow soothe my soul.
Sorting out the universe is my heartfelt goal.
Forks all on the left side, spoons and knives all on the right.
Bowls all stacked up on a shelf are a lovely sight.
Ants all neatly marching in their single rows.
Orderly arrangements? Even Nature knows
are the proper way for all the world to go,
and now that I’ve informed you, even you must know
enough to know that order makes me a happy camper,
so after this, please put your dirty socks into the hamper!!!