The Power of Grief

Grief has such enormous power that it is a shame to waste its energy.  If that energy can be channeled into a positive result, we finally have some victory over death. ––Judy Dykstra-Brown

This quote (I am quoting myself, what ego!) is opposite the title page of the book I wrote with Tony.  This is the book I celebrated having finished a week or so ago; but alas, I find the editing job goes on and on.  Just to be anal, we again had the printer print up a book and gave it to our most perfectionist friend, Sheila, who agreed to read it one last time.  She had done so before and found so many errors that we’d had to redo the pdf.  This time, we were sure, it would be perfect; but we had to check.  Well, we were wrong about the perfect part but right to check.  She still found 50 errors–mainly in the references and in the use of hyphens.  Who cares about such things?  We do.  And Sheila does.  So––most of yesterday and the day before, I rechecked the errors, made lists, shared them with Tony and Allenda, his wife, and we all checked and rechecked.  The result, somewhere around midnight last night, we had a perfect, we hope, 117th version of the book. It went off to the printer today.  if he again does a trial copy (it will be the ninth if he does) we will page through it quickly, looking for obvious flaws, and say “push the button” and this breech birth will finally be consummated. Then we get to celebrate again.  I’m afraid the earlier celebrations were all false labor.  Please put positive energy out into the air, willing this one to actually produce a child.

7 thoughts on “The Power of Grief

  1. grieflessons Post author

    This story was sent to me this morning but was unfortunately sent as a reply to my ‘What I Am Doing Here” section. I’m afraid no one will see it there and it is such a powerful statement, that I want to put it here, as well, in hopes people will want to see replies to my most recent posting. It was written by my stepson, Jayson, whom I have only seen three times in the past 12 years since his dad’s death. He is a wonderful man, so it is not due to choice but rather proximity that we don’t meet more often. This is what Jayson had to say:

    My most recent loss was one that many have encountered and yet one I never thought I would. It was when my best friend, partner, and wife of 24 years decided she wanted a divorce. When this day arrived It felt like a death had occurred. This was someone I had spent almost every day of those years with, together, enjoying so many things, art, travel and many, many good times. I wish I could say that was how it always was, but the last 4 years were not a happy time. I was constantly trying to contort myself to accommodate her insecurities, these were by far the hardest years of our relationship , and the darkest years of my life I can remember. Once I was alone, I didn’t know how to just be, so many feelings of loss and depression overwhelmed me. I could barely function in my day to day life. The only thing that seemed to get me through this period was my friends and family. I had one saint of a friend named David, he had recently been through a divorce. He called me every day, and would stop by the house to see how I was doing. We would go to meetings together for fellowship with friends. This would give me some relief for short periods of time. I would watch movies late into the night, until I would fall asleep to escape my pain. For me this was also a time of drawing closer to spirit. There was lots of time for anger and despair, but also for prayer and meditation. When I look back now it was a time of total transformation and magic, although I could not see it at the time. So many prayers and dreams have come true since that time, it’s been amazing. Since then, my friend David, has passed on. He had his own battle with depression. and eventually took his own life. David was a great friend, and a truly beautiful person. When I learned of his death it was a shock to me, though I did know the struggles he was having. The lessons grief have brought to my life have left me with a depth of gratitude, and acceptance, I had not known before. A gift, inside my own heart, which had to break to be set free.
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  2. ann oneal garcia

    The grief over your late husband Bob has indeed infused you with an energy to tell the world what you have learned about being left behind. So you are 100% correct in saying that the person doesn’t die if you carry the good energy of that person forward in your own life. The thing I did to try and keep Mom alive was to care for my students as if they were my own children. In other words– to love them, to encourage them to do their best, to show them how exciting the written word can be, whether that was a famous author’s writing or their own. I think I often succeeded. Each time I did, the lessons learned from Mom became a resurrection of her spirit. Also, I tried to make my class room a secure environment. My biggest compliment is this: One time a young boy stayed in his seat after the bell rang to dismiss class. I asked him why he was just sitting there. I like it here, he told me. I thought you didn’t like English, I said. I don’t, he said. It’s just that…I feel safe here.
    It is a tribute to Bob and to other loved ones who’ve passed that you are Tony and trying diligently to eradicate all errors from your work. But remember what the Navajos did…they purposely left a flaw in each of their rugs, in every piece of pottery, etc. Google it and see why they did, in case you can’t remember. So allow one flaw, and celebrate when the book with its one mistake is finally done. I congratulate you.

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  3. ann oneal garcia

    Your step son’s entry is so poignant. Let’s hope he continues to heal, and yes, any final separation, is certainly a death. It sounds as if he is on his way to being mostly free of the pain inflicted on him by his wife.

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  4. Pingback: The Power of Grief | beyondbabyboomers

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