Category Archives: humorous poetry

Check Mate

 

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Check Mate

Some girls are bent on wedding any Tom or Dick or Harry,
but when it comes to choosing the man one wants to marry,
a lass should be selective­­––very circumspect and wary
lest she overlook what’s prime for his subsidiary.
A lesser man will drop the ball a better man will carry.
Is it best to know the difference? “Yes!” I insist, “Very!”
Choose a man who makes you hum, and once met, do not tarry.
Why settle for a mere canoe when you can take the ferry?

 

Prompts for today are ferry, subsidiary, prime and hum—or drop. (Ragtag’s prompt page and URLs sport two different words.) Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/16/rdp-tuesday-hum-2/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/04/16/fowc-with-fandango-prime/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/16/your-daily-word-prompt-subsidiary-april-16-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/16/ferry/

Since NaPoWriMo seems to have dropped all my links off all 16 of the poems I’ve done for them in the past sixteen days, I’m also going to include a link to that poem here in hopes a few people will see it: https://judydykstrabrown.com/2019/04/16/bucket-listless-napowrimo-2019-apr-16/

 

Her Highness Contemplates a Seemly End

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Her Highness Contemplates A Seemly End

Nobility in dying is something I shan’t botch,
for I know it shall be one that the whole wide world will watch.
I cannot go by fire, for I’m sure I would be screaming
as the water quenched the fire and set my flesh to steaming.

So unseemly and so crass. I’d find it unappealing.

So, too, a rope around my neck, hanging from the ceiling.
Jumping from a roof won’t do. Nor will a gun nor pills.
Every sort of suicide just sports too many ills.

It’s clear that death by avalanche is the only one

that will really suit me when the day is done.
A certain swift clean fall of snow seems such a pristine death.
A queenly mode of dying. Such a regal final breath!

photo by Greg Daines, Unsplash  Today’s prompt words are avalanche, watch, nobility and fire. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/rdp-friday-avalanche/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/08/fowc-with-fandango-watch/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/your-daily-word-prompt-nobility-march-8-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/fire/

Cowboys

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Cowboys

When considering cowboys, there’s much to admire.
They’re tough and they’re skilled and available for hire.

Their style’s not eclectic. They all look the same.
They’re wild and they’re wooly. Not easy to tame.

They’re never clandestine. They’re out in the open.
Just  shootin’ and spittin’ and ridin’ and ropin’.

Made out of leather and chew and barbed wire,

nobody knows when cowboys expire.

For though they aren’t known for their tact or their heart,
there’s much to admire in how they depart.

No need for a service or funeral pyre,
no casket, no preacher, no flowers, no choir.

They merely climb up and sit straight in the saddle,
ride toward the horizon and simply skedaddle.

 

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https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/02/04/rdp-monday-skedaddle/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/02/04/fowc-with-fandango-eclectic/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/04/your-daily-word-prompt-clandestine-february-4-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/04/admire/

No Head for Business

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No Head for Business

I fear I must be adamant in stating my demands.
In this I am unshakeable. My initial sales price stands.
I do not like this bargaining. I find it all a chore.
I’d rather be off wandering. Business is a bore.
And though I must admit that your demeanor is most affable,
your offer is too little. In fact I find it laughable.
It will do no good to counter offer. I’m set on the price
that would reimburse me for leaving paradise.

I have no bottom offer. This is no power game.
To nickel and to dime it is a practice I find lame.
The palm trees are all swaying, there’s hot water in the pool,

and the more I think about it, I see that I’m a fool
to leave this little Shangri-la. Where would I find its sequel?
It’s clear that for the price I ask I could not find its equal!
Here swinging in my hammock with a cocktail and my pup,
I am so contented that my sales price just went up!!

Prompt words today were chore, affable, adamant and power.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/01/18/rdp-friday-chore/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/01/18/fowc-with-fandango-affable/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/01/18/your-daily-word-prompt-adamant-january-18-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/01/18/power/

In Defense of Immaturity

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In Defense of Immaturity

Kids say immaturity
is not all it’s cracked up to be.
First, they have no salary,
and as of yet, ice cream’s not free,
so they depend on you and me
to determine when ice cream will be!

We tell them not to climb that tree
and put restrictions on TV.
We tell them that they have to pee
on potty chairs, not Grandpa’s knee.
We tell them they must walk, then see
each lurch and fall and laugh with glee.

Imagine notoriety
based on what one’s foibles be. 
Kids’ natural spontaneity—
their need to roughhouse, smash and flee
is often quashed, you will agree,
with all those in authority!

It’s tough to be a kid, you see,
given their great temerity.
So grant a bit of charity.
Recognize the disparity
between what we’d like kids to be
and their genetic heredity!

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/01/07/immature/

Menagerie

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Menagerie

When she asked us to sleep over, we had no trepidation,
but this one-night segment of our motoring vacation
was a lapse in judgment we will not soon forget,
for though we are assuredly most deeply in her debt,

we didn’t know the bed she offered came complete with pets
not to mention wild creatures struggling overhead in nets!
We can forgive her for the kitten who just curled up on our bed,
sometimes on the foot of it and sometimes at the head.

The puppy, though mischievous, we grew accustomed to,
only suffering damage to a purse strap and one shoe.
Successful in their recovery, we sealed our luggage up,
opened up our bedroom door and exorcised the pup.

Flipping off the  light, we offered gratitude for rest,
closed our weary eyes and did our very best
to try to get a full night’s sleep, but it was late in coming,
for our next visitation came complete with constant drumming

as various creatures of the night knocked against the netting
hanging down around our bed, we commenced regretting
accepting her generous offer of a free night’s lodging.
We didn’t know the various creatures we’d be dodging.

The monkey we grew used to, but not the kangaroo
who boxed my husband’s earlobes and trod upon my shoe.
The cockatoos and lorikeets slept peaceful through the night,
but in the morning wakened us at the dawn’s first light

with such a loud cacophony that jolted us awake
and luckily allowed us to leave before the snake
slithered  from where it rested, coiled beneath the sheet.
And that was it! That final guest signaled our defeat.

For though we have great gratitude for the invitation,
I cannot overemphasize the complete jubilation
we felt upon exiting that jungle she calls home.
And need we tell you that the next time we choose to roam,

we’ll gladly pay the room rates for a first-class lodgings?
We’re finished with the hassles and the terrors and the dodgings
that come with staying with relatives such as sister Sue
who forgot to warn us we’d be staying in a zoo!!

 

The prompt words today were hospitality, forgive, recovery and gratitude.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/01/04/rdp-friday-hospitality/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/01/04/fowc-with-fandango-forgive/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/01/04/your-daily-word-prompt-recovery-January-4-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/01/04/gratitude/

Family Christmas: Reporting the Action

 

This is my brother-in-law Jim being silly for illustrative purposes only. jdbphoto

Family Christmas: Reporting the Action

We’re resplendent with family dripping like jewels—
gaudy ones, nosy ones, darlings and fools.
They group ’round the Christmas tree, collect in groups.
Grandpa stands proudly while Uncle Al stoops.
The aunties are formidable with demands:
a nip for their toddy, while meanwhile their hands
examine the silver, the linen and lace,
draw dust trails with fingers and make a shocked face.

Why do we anticipate this all year long?
When families gather, it’s bound to go wrong.
And yet it goes on countless year after year.
We call each one “sweetheart” or “darling’ or “dear.”
We carve up the turkey, deliver the blessing,
serve up the cranberries, yams and the dressing.
We nod our heads “yes” and agree with the prattling,
try to avoid unavoidable battling.

They open our presents and do not dare spurn them,
yet we know in our minds that they’ll surely return them.
The children are running and fussing and fighting,
the parents regretting that they’re overnighting.
Your sister’s dog likes to beat up on yours.
He lies on his back, pinned down with all fours.
Meanwhile you give thanks for all you are worth
that tomorrow, again, there will be “Peace on Earth.”

 

The prompt words today are resplendent, formidable, anticipate and family.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/12/24/rdp-monday-resplendent/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/12/24/fowc-with-fandango-formidable/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/12/24/your-daily-word-prompt-anticipate-December-24-2018/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/12/24/family/