Category Archives: Humor

Blast from the Blog for Oct 13

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Morning Protein

Each morning when I waken, I take a little pill;
but though it is to boost my health, today it made me ill.
Before I went to slumber, I poured a glass of Coke
so it would be there in the night if I began to choke.
I know it isn’t usual, but it works for me.
Somehow it works to clear my throat and leaves the passage free.

So when I took my pill this morning, feeling sort of hazy,
I didn’t go for water, but instead I was just lazy.
I lifted up the Coke cup, filled almost to the brim,
and only had a little sip before up to the rim
something solid floated that shouldn’t have been there.
I felt something that tickled––like very coarse stiff hair.

Later, I was glad I hadn’t taken bigger sips,
for as it was, just part of it made it past my lips.
I hurried to the bathroom and spit and spit and spit,
then emptied out the cup and didn’t look at it
as a big dead cockroach went swirling down the drain.
Will I drink without looking? No. Never again.

Blast from the Blog, Oct 13, 2016

For Fibbing Friday, Oct 2, 2026

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For Fibbing Friday, Oct 2, 2026, the assignment is:

1. What is a calibre? A bachelor who lives in the longest state situated on the West Coast of the U.S. 
2. What is citrus?  The muscle that holds an eye in its socket.
3. What is phlebotomy? The removal of biting insects from a dog or cat.
4. What is pumpernickel? What you do when your coin gets caught in the gumball machine.
5. What is meant by nimbus? What an Irishman says to the bus driver when the wrong bus pulls up and opens its door.
6. What is a sea monkey? What you use to get into the men’s restroom.
7. What is an ambassador? A fisherman who gets up early in the morning to cast his rod.
8. What is a flywheel? One of those spinning devices put in the center of the table at restaurants that shoo flies away. (See illustration above.)
9. What is a catacomb? A feline grooming implement.
10. What is flamboyant? An oil slick aflame.

 

Should I or Shouldn’t I? for Lets Hit Rewind, Sept 26

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Should I or Shouldn’t I ?!

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The word prompts today are inspire, surmount, enthralling, mistrust and today I’m adding Matt’s new prompt site to my inspiration list.  His command is that we invent a new punctuation mark and write a post inspired by it. What would you do if you were given four words and a situation and told to use them in a poem or story? You’d probably wind up with a poem as ridiculous as this one is!!

Should I or Shouldn’t I?!

I am plagued by indecision.
Should I choose that vain incision
leading to the skin division
that might lead to the derision
of those who might choose nature’s pace
written on their neck and face?

I must admit I do mistrust
those who deal with jowls and bust
by removing parts of them,
and so I hem and haw and hem.
As enthralling as it would be
to be confronted with less of me,

I can’t surmount the fear that I
would be the first face lift to die!
Or,  lovely as other ladies look,
I fear I’d end up in a book
of great disasters and that mine
would be a face most leonine!

Or if I had a chest reduction,
all the cutting and the suction
would lead to results most distressing.
What would happen, I am guessing,
is that the surgeon would have the gall
to leave me with no breasts at all!

If I had need to punctuate
a sentence that concerns my fate,
I think that it would culminate
with a mark that had a mate.
Although I am inspired to do it,
another part seems to eschew it,

?! would be the punctuation
designating consternation.
It’s what  I’d have to use until
I decide if I won’t or will.
Half of it anticipation,
the other half, my hesitation!

Fibbing Friday Sillies for Sept 18, 2026

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Mary Quant

For Fibbing Friday, tje assignment is:

1. What is a logarithm? The successful foot and leg cadence maintained by a lumberjack log spinner riding a log down a river.
2. What is algebra? An item of clothing worn by a portly woman to keep her breasts in place.
3. What is an algorithm? The back and forth rhythm of your pencil between your fingers as you struggle to solve an algebra problem.
4. What is a quantile? A member of the Mary Quant fan club.
5. What is a quadrangle? A rookie cowboy’s fourth attempt to catch a horse.
6. What is a hexagon? A witch’s evil curse that has been removed by a priest or a good fairy.
7. What is a polygon? An escaped pet parrot.
8. What is a triangle? One of the initial (failed) excuses you use with your parents to try to get them to buy you a car.
9. What is a parallelogram? Your mother’s mother, walking up the aisle next to your father’s mother at your wedding.
10. What is a duodecahedron? 104 playing cards, all of which are either kings, queens or jacks.

“Not to Taste” for Classic Material, Sept. 15

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This was what I posted on this date in 2017: (True story, by the way.)

Not to Taste

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We spend so much of our time choosing, discussing, cooking or devouring food that we consider to be flavorful, but rarely do we consider just how flavorful we ourselves may be.

Not to Taste

I have no taste for seafood—neither sea bass nor crustacean.
My friends’ attempts to feed them to me end in their frustration.
I cannot stand the taste of them—their odor nor their texture.
I’ve heard that they are good for me, so please spare me the lecture!

When I was in New Orleans, they tried to feed me gator.
I politely turned it down and had a burger later.
For though a gator’s not a fish, and that’s something I know,
they must be family somehow, ‘cause both live in H2O!

Sometimes I go out birding up a river by the sea.
The grandson of the captain comes along to talk to me.
The river’s full of crocodiles, and birds overhead
fly in by the thousands to seek their evening bed.

They rest so gently in the trees that I forget the threat
of all those crocs there down below, lurking in the wet.
Most of the year the estuary’s cut off from the sea,
but this year there was one big rain that set the river free.

When I was swimming Saturday, beyond the surf, just me,
I saw some people looking at—whatever could it be?
I just went on exercising in the surf and sand.
The sun went down but I stayed out. The water was just grand.

But when I finally came to land, folks there on the beach
told me that a croc passed by, well beyond my reach.
And since I, too, was out there as handy as could be,
I sure am glad that crocodile had no taste for me!!!!

Today’s prompt word is flavorful. This poem found in my archives was written so long ago that I had forgotten it.  Hopefully, you have, too. The beautiful photo of ceviche was snapped in La Manzanilla, as was the photo of the croc. The event described in the poem was true, by the way. Since then I’ve instructed friends to call me in out of the water no matter how far away the croc is!

Blast from the Blog, Sep 8 2016 “Inelegant Obsession”

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This control board of the plane I flew from Prince Edward Island to Nova Scotia on is slightly less daunting than the dashboard of the Jeep Cherokee they pawned off on me as a replacement for the simple economy car I requested. The flight took one half hour. Renting the car (even though I’d filled out all the paperwork on the internet) and figuring out how to operate the monstrosity they gave me took two hours!!!

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The beast!!! I still haven’t figured out how to turn on the radio and tremble at the thought of mistakenly turning on the four wheel drive

 

Inelegant Obsession

I’d love to be elegant while I’m obsessing,
but if I told you how, I’d only be guessing.
The man at the counter said yoga’s the answer
to two hour waits, and smart cars and cancer.

I told him that yoga’s more easily done
in my pool or on mats spread out in the sun––
Not two hours before midnight when you’re feeling sad
’cause the car you pre-rented is not to be had

and instead you’re confronted with a Jeep Cherokee
with all bells and whistles included for free!
Yet each feature they’ve added is cryptic and puzzling.
Screen like a space ship and gasoline-guzzling.

I can’t find the lighter to plug in my Nuvi.
The radio screen is showing a movie,
but I can’t find a plug to plug in my phone
and I’m out in this parking lot, stressed and alone.

After one hour of standing and waiting to rent it
and one more in the parking lot, how I repent it!
I go on the road in the inky black dark
with no place to stop and no place to park.

My GPS empty of power and knowledge,
to find the right route would take training in college.
No route numbers have I, I can’t see the map.
My phone out of power sits limp on my lap.

The screen gives me options for stations galore,
but no arrow to choose them, just one button more
for feature after feature that I cannot use.
I wish I had knowledge.  I wish I had booze!!!

When I try to turn on the overhead light,
the moonroof zips open and try as I might,
I can’t get it closed but just open it more,
so the wind whips my hair with a terrible roar.

I’ve always loved traveling wild and free,
but it now seems travel’s evolved beyond me.
Where is my confidence and my elan?
That air of achievement, that air of “I can?”

When I get to the motel two hours in arrears,
when the clerk asks how are you, I explode in tears.
I tell him my story, like a silly old fool––
but he doesn’t snicker and he isn’t cruel.

“See that?” he said, waving a hand at my phone.
He shook his gray head and gave a small moan.
“Don’t know how to use one–not me nor my wife.
It seems like technology’s plaguing our life.”

He dished out a Kleenex and almost at once,
I found I was feeling much less of a dunce.
I may be a fool and an old one at that,
but it’s so reassuring to share that coned hat!

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https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/elegant/

“Busted” for Rewind

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gossardphoto downloaded from internet                             


Busted

Where once I was secure on top,
there’s now a tendency to plop.
So when I dance and when I bop,
unless I want to swing and flop,
I need to engineer a stop–
a sort of midriff traffic cop.

A reblog from this date (Sep 6) 2016

Attempts at Fibbing Friday, Sep 4, 2026

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For Fibbing Friday, Sept 4, 2026 the assignment is:

1. Battlecruiser – Someone addicted to viewing divorce courts
2. Bread and cheese – A deconstructed grilled sandwich.
3. Cows and kisses – A cowboy’s check list for the weekend
4. Dicky dirt – transcripts of Nixon’s impeachment
5. Lady Godiva – The wife of  a noble snorkeler
6. Mork and Mindy – Mispronunciation of of a chop and a popular dance of the 30’s and 40’s
7. Daisy roots – Li’l Abner’s wife’s scalp when she didn’t have time to her monthly touchup.
8. Dustbin lid – A popular hat style in the Dirty Thirties
9. Peckham Rye –  to attack one’s sandwich with small appetite
10. Ruby Murray – Bill, of Groundhog Day and Ghostbusters, when embarrassed.

Here is the link to the prompt: https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/2026/09/04/fibbing-friday-4th-september-2026/

Compulsion to Rhyme II

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Thanks, Mom, for all of those early rhyming sessions

Compulsion to Rhyme II

By now you’ve read my oeuvre once or twice before.
It’s bulging out of file cases, stacked upon the floor.
It’s quickly filling up my blog and straying to the media.
Soon I fear I must compose my own encyclopedia.
It started out a habit but soon became compulsion.
My housecleaner surveys my poems with undisguised revulsion.
Spiders live within the files, cats use them for their beds,
so they serve grander purposes than cluttering up heads.
Perhaps someone could stop me with a cudgel or a gun,
but lacking that, I fear that when my final poem is done,
my heirs will have to market my oeuvre by the ton.

For Blast from the BlogII. A ryhme from Aug 29 in 2018.

For Fibbing Friday, Aug 28, 2026

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For Fibbing Friday his week, the assignment is:

1. What is a puggle: A tiny fart released by accident when one giggles.
2. What is an hibiscus? A short period of hibernation.
3. What is a concertina? The drapery around a jail cell. 
4. What is a dipstick? The sound a potato chip makes coming out of the chip dip.
5. What would you use a feeler gauge for? To measure your feeler, of course. Duh!
6. What is a vernier caliper? The verniest caliper of all.
7. Where would you use a lopper? About three minutes in to what promises to be a very long and boring story.
8. What is meant by ‘wabbit’? A wabbit is a wascally Lagomorph.
9. What is a ratoon? The mixed-blood progeny of a racoon and a rat.
10. What is meant by borborygm? An excessively lengthly and boring story.