Category Archives: Humor

The Astronauts are Called In From Vacation: Wordle 523

The Astronauts are Called In From Vacation

The time’s drawing near for our next big space mission,
so there’s no more time for beaches or fishin’,
Be speedy in putting your sail boats away
and wrap them up tightly so they won’t decay
in the salty sea air while you are in space,
murdering miles at a furious pace.

There’s much to be found as you leave Earth behind.
for far beyond the usual grind,
no weapons are needed and there’s less debris.
No tickets or tollroads, for passage is free
except for the millions to set off our rockets,
but the rich can be sure it comes out of the pockets

of everyday men like the plumbers and teachers
and waitresses, cowboys, bus drivers and preachers.
And when you get home, your boats will be waiting.
There’ll be no delay and there’ll be no debating.
Whether fishing for stars or starfish or krill,
Joe Public will be there to pick up the bill.

 

Here are the Wordle prompts for Oct 17, 2021:  mission, murder, beaches, time, tight, boat, speedy, weapon, space, found, air, drawing. Image by Spacex on Unsplash.

For the Sunday Whirl Wordle Prompt

The Confessions of a Halloween Candy Hoarder

The Confessions of a Halloween Candy Hoarder

I do not accept your recent accusal
as anything but an attempt to bamboozle
me out of the vestiges of my collection
of Halloween candy that’s skipped your detection.

I’m thankful that I’m neither trustful nor dumb
enough to be functioning under your thumb,
for I find repugnant your plans to abscond
with all of the candy with which I’ve grown fond.

For though you gobbled your candy down quickly,
going through all of it lickety-splickly,
I like to keep my candy yield near
and eat one piece a day for the rest of the year!

When days are balmy, butterscotch is nice.
I save all my chocolate for snow days and ice.
And when the campfire sparkles and flickers,
I like to devour my Halloween Snickers.

If it annoys you, you’ll have to make do
with a few M&M’s that I hid in my shoe.
The rest of my candy is where I have hidden it,
to be consumed when only I’ve bidden it.

Prompts for the day are vestige, repugnant, bamboozle, balmy and thankful.

Companion

Okay, for the first time, I have prompt words for you. I challenge you to write a poem or prose piece making use of these words: approach, looking, street, breath, strange.  

Below is my poem making use of those words. Please don’t read it until you’ve written your own poem, then link your poem to this post in the comments.:

 

Companion

Climbing up the steep-pitched road, almost out of breath,
how strange that I should meet you, here on a street named Death.
When I was not looking, and had no need of it,
you changed course to walk with me and urged me not to quit.

 If I had started later, or earlier, it’s true,
I would have passed unnoticed and surely, so would you.
But now you turn and join me as I approach the bend,
and we continue, side-by-side, companions to the end.

 

Now, if you think penning an eight-line poem is a breeze, you might want to see this very late-night Skype conversation with Forgottenman in which we discuss said poem. The first line and every line
without Doug’s name preceding it is me speaking. Doug is Forgottenman, by the way, but he asks that you don’t tell anyone!  ;o)

This is the Skype conversation: 
2:30 AM
I’m stuck on one word in a poem.
I found it on a list I’d made of books I wanted  to read…I’d written it on half the page.. and I don’t think I ever published it on m’blog.
Doug, 2:31 AM
I’m not quite following, but if you tell me more I might get it.
2:32 AM
Companion
Climbing up the steep-pitched road, almost out of breath,
how strange that I should meet you, there on a street named Death.
When I was not looking, and had no need of it,
you came to walk beside me and urge me not to quit.
If I’d started later, or earlier, it’s true,
I would have passed unnoticed and surely, so would you.
trying to decide whether to change the third line to:
you came to walk beside me an prevail on me to quit
I came to walk beside you and exhort you to quit
2:34 AM
I have a problem with the third line:
I came to walk beside you and prevail on you to quit,
counsel you to quit
inveigle you to quit.
does the companion want to urge on or stop?
Doug, 2:34 AM
Ok, that’s the fourth line. I had a niggle with it as well.
Doug, 2:35 AM
I think it should still start “you came to walk…”
2:35 AM
inspired me to quit?
Doug, 2:35 AM
It feels to me that you’re the passive one in the verse.
2:36 AM
I think so too but can’t find the right word.
is the companion inspiring me to continue or to turn back?
Doug, 2:37 AM
I’ve no idea yet, and that may be the point of the verse – the ambiguity.
My possibly lame late-night drunken take: “you came to walk beside me. You urged me not to quit.”
(Gotta keep “quit” for the rhyme.)
2:43 AM
Perhaps name it “The Accomplice”
Doug, 2:43 AM
Hmmm…
2:43 AM
Accomplice
Doug, 2:44 AM
Seems it needs a preceding unexpected adjective.
2:51 AM
Companion
Climbing up the steep-pitched road, almost out of breath,
how strange that I should meet you, there on a street named Death.
When I was not looking, and had no need of it,
you came to walk beside me and urge me not to quit.
If I’d started later, or earlier, it’s true,
I would have passed unnoticed and surely, so would you.
But now you turn and follow me as we approach the bend,
and we continue, side-by-side, companions to the end.
Doug, 2:53 AM
Penultimate line says they follow you, but last line side-by-side. I think you need to reconcile.
But I REALLY LOVE it!
Should it be “here on a street named Death”?
I’m wondering about making it all current tense?
3:05 AM
How about:
Doug, 3:17 AM
Another drunken suggestion: “But now you turn and join me”
3:18 AM
Companion
Climbing up the steep-pitched road, almost out of breath,
how strange that I should meet you, there on a street named Death.
When I was not looking, and had no need of it,
you changed course to walk beside me and urge me not to quit.
If I had started later, or earlier, it’s true,
I would have passed unnoticed and surely, so would you.
But now you turn and follow me as we approach the bend,
and we continue, side-by-side, companions to the end.
oops.. i didn’t hit send..
but I like your suggestion added to this..I changed the 4th line to changed course.
Doug, 3:18 AM
I’m following your draft.
You know I don’t like to dance in the conventional footie/leggie sense. THIS is how we dance! And I just friggin’ LOVE it!
3:20 AM
Si…
Doug, 3:21 AM
I almost think our conversation here could be a blog.
3:22 AM
Ha.. do it as a conversation with my muse!
I think you should do it in your blog and link it to the end of mine.
It would be fun.
Doug, 3:23 AM
Perhaps, but that requires a sober decision from moi.
You said (I think) this was something you wrote long ago and stuffed in a book? That would be a lovely thing to add below your poem.
In case you missed it, I still think it should be “here on a street named Death”.
… “here” not “there”.
3:27 AM
I think you should just copy everything up to but not including this comment by me and put it on your blog with an explanation that it was a late-night Skype conversation that preceded my posting my “Companion” poem. Then put a link at the end of my blog. But needs to be done now, before I publish it so everyone sees it.
Yeah – no. I needa do it sober.
3:29 AM
Then I’ll just do it on my blog.. cuz I want to post it but I agree it would be fun to have our conversation added.
Doug, 3:31 AM
I concur –  But I must do penance for my (drunk)
3:31 AM
and if you wait, the earlier viewers won’t see it.
just copy and post. I’ll check it out for you if you wish.
and write the into.
intro.. on my blog and yours
Doug, 3:31 AM
Nope. No can do tonight.
3:32 AM
okay. Here goes…. 

Open Reading at the Nueva Posada

 

Open Reading at the Nueva Posada

They gather at their tables in the heat or in the cold,
ears perked for the errors in the stories they’ll be told.
They’ll be listening for the puerile and and the grisly and the trite,
jotting down their notes for the misstatements that they’ll cite.

Then, their criticism over, they’ll play another game,
giving their approval and voicing their acclaim
for a perfect metaphor or meter that is tight. 
How you built the tension and got it all just right.

Thus do we meet to ebb and flow, to criticize and praise.—
to inform, amuse, maybe to bore or to amaze.
This is how we come together first to teach and then be taught
by sharing with each other the best that we have got!

Prompt words today are cold, table, grisly, puerile and criticism.

Darjeeling, Lockjaw and Delayed Gratification


Darjeeling, Lockjaw and Delayed Gratification

I’d make conversation but my upper plate
seems to be grinding my lower of late.
I fear there’s a fissure that’s preventing their matching
and somehow my back teeth just seem to be catching
and locking which creates a problem in chewing,
so eating’s another thing I won’t be doing.

I’m bungling everything done by my jaws.
At talking and eating I’m taking a pause.
For now I’ll just listen and watch you eat pie.
If you give me a straw, I’ll simply get by
by sipping my tea and nodding my head
in avid agreement with everything said.

I could have stayed home and stared at the wall,
but I couldn’t face not seeing y’all,
so I will just sit here and soak in the news,
forsaking my own chance to thrill and amuse.
Until I’ve seen my dentist, you’ll just have to wait
for the juicy story I was going to relate!

Prompts today are conversation, fissure, matching, bungle and upper.

Well-Spoken


Well-Spoken

Grandmother was a lexophile, erudite and bossy.
She said that I was malapert when she meant I was saucy.
She sat astride her horse for she was loath to simply straddle it,
and she “installed her pillion.” She didn’t merely saddle it!

Every sentence that we spoke required mediation.
Nothing was radioactive. It “emitted radiation!”
Cannibals weren’t maneaters, but rather “anthropophages,”
and prom dates brought us sprays of roses, not merely corsages!

Her mania for polite words was nothing less than ludicrous.
When dealing with the birds and bees, “womb” subbed for the word uterus.
Gentlemen had “members,” for their penises were banished—
“boobs” and “knockers” terms for bosoms that somehow had vanished.

It seems she put small value in words that spoke directly,
for it was more important that we chose words correctly.
Dictionaries were her Bibles, and they had the final word
when we used terminology that Grandma found absurd.

 

Prompt words for the day are straddle, radioactive, ludicrous, contumely and maneater.

Cooked Goose

Cooked Goose

As I face her contumely with stoic restraint,
I may seem cavalier, but really I ain’t.

I’ve grown used to her holiday gloom and depressions
when she is exposed to these family sessions.

After so many years, I’m attuned to the drill,
though I must admit that I’ve had my fill
of her bigoted grandpa, her silly vain mom,
her brother whose jokes are always a bomb.

Her sister who views our clothes with derision,
the grandmother who cannot reach a decision
on what kind of pie—pumpkin, chocolate or peach?
So she always ends up with a little of each.

Her nieces and nephews all stupid and spoiled,
and the Christmas goose that always tastes boiled.
Why do we attend each new family blast
when we always go home feeling slightly aghast?

I must say their whole group has failed at the game,
for a family should be far more than a name.
We swear every holiday will be our last,
but I fear nonetheless that our lot has been cast.

We’ll continue to dread every Christmas and Easter—
every occasion to become a feaster
on gummy plum pudding and cold slimy fowl,
for though we curse and  grumble  and growl,

for birthdays and weddings, we’ll load up the car
and drive those long miles to come from afar
repeating this ritual year after year,
for this is the family that we hold dear!

 

 

Prompt words are holiday, cavalier, stoic, contumely and passage. Fiction, folks, fiction. Written from the point of view of a long-suffering male spouse. My husband did not feel this way about my family, really.

Bad Timing: Wordle 522


Bad Timing

It’s not until I hear the thunder
that I recognize my blunder.
All alone. (I ditched my fella).
In the forest, no umbrella.

As I walk, my shoes are gooing.
Up above, the doves are cooing,
but they’re up there under covers
with their nestlings and their lovers.

I’m down here shivering in the rain
with seven miles of rough terrain
in front of me from here to home.
I need a fairy, elf or gnome

to come and work their magic spell
to save me from this drippy Hell.
The rain beats its loud tattoos
upon my head and neck and shoes.

I start to shiver, drip and ooze.
I covet shelter, dryness, booze—
all things that I had of late
before I deigned to ditch my date!

My  leather shoes, high-heeled and small,
are not helping things at all.
I take them off and walk bare-toed
down the rain-slicked country road.

I wish that I had asked how far
home was before I left the car!

Prompt words are doves, elves, walk, tattoo, covet, umbrella, seven, blunder, forest, thunder, leathery, small. Image by Merri on Unsplash.

For: The Sunday Whirl Wordle 522

Tomboy

Tomboy

She ate all her spinach, devoured all her kale.
She lifted weights and cussed and spit, and still she wasn’t male.
She wanted to be Popeye, but instead was Olive Oyl.
Nothing that she ever did made her less a goil.

She wished on every rainbow, unequivocally,
did her affirmations and squeezed her rosary,
praying for delivery from this female form.
Because she had three brothers, she felt it not the norm.

But when she reached her teenage years, something slowly changed.
Somehow she felt more normal and slightly less deranged.
And though it took a little time, finally she did confess
shyly, to her mother, that she’d like to buy a dress.

She put her hair in curlers and scrubbed her scaly knees,
spent more time upon the phone and less time climbing trees.
Flirted with her brothers’ friends whom formerly she wrestled.
Wound up at the movies, very comfortably nestled

up against the shoulder of a guy named Paul
and found that somehow she felt great. She didn’t mind at all
that she had not been born a boy, because then she’d have missed
that feeling that she felt the very first time she was kissed.

Prompt words today are indeed, equivocal, female, rainbow and squeeze.

Charles Ponzi in Hell

Charles Ponzi in Hell

He is a shrouded shyster, an adjunct to the Devil—
a ghostly apparition not remotely on the level.
He peddled false indulgences and cut-rate lots in heaven
on a sliding scale from heaven one right up to seven.

He was as suave as men can get clad in just a sheet,
with no face to speak of, not to mention sans his feet.
And though his sins were constant, every day a new adventure,
thanks to the realm he dwelled in, his pranks came without censure.

 

Prompt words today are thanks, suave, apparition, adjunct and devil. Image by Erin Minuskin on Unsplash.