Category Archives: Humor

Mixed Signals

Mixed Signals

Incoherent messages from your come-hither eyes
often contradict your usual disguise.
When your eyes invite me yet your mouth is so severe,
I hesitate to steal a kiss, let-alone come near.
So even though my radar tells me you’re inviting,
I abandon future plans for fear you will be biting!

The prompt words today are abandon, radar, hither and incoherent. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/20/rdp-wednesday-abandon/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/20/fowc-with-fandango-radar/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/20/your-daily-word-prompt-hither-march-20-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/20/incoherent/

On the Nature of Matter: Atomic Dieting

 

 

In response to LWBUT’s post on the structure of matter—that it is mainly composed of empty space, here is my answer:

On the Nature of Matter: Atomic Dieting

When I worry about dieting in order to get thin,
I merely remind myself there’s less of me within!

Extreme Retirement

Extreme Retirement

My daydreams lack a focus. They float by like a cloud.
It is as though much logic is simply not allowed.
Should plans besmirch my reverie, I’m sure to blot them out,
for my thoughts are vagabonds—aimless, without a doubt.
A mortarboard and tassel lurk far within my past,
and I fear the plans they made simply didn’t last
I lie here in my lounge chair, getting too much sun.
I should  raise the umbrella, for sunburn is no fun,
but I cannot stir myself. I’m simply far too lazy.
Retirement would be easier if all the skies were hazy!

 

Prompt words today are tassel, blot, focus and besmirch. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/rdp-tuesday-tassel/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/19/fowc-with-fandango-blot/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/focus/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/your-daily-word-prompt-besmirch-march-19-2019/

Dumbing Down

photo from Rolling Stone

Dumbing Down

I bailed on calculus but I excelled at long division.
Illustrious in wood shop, I flunked nuclear fission.
Knights in suits of armor were never quite my thing.
I never learned to play an instrument. I do not sing.

My illustrious school career came by fits and starts.
Loved auto mechanics. Couldn’t hack the arts.
I admit I’m not well-rounded. I studied what I liked,
and after school was over, I skateboarded and biked.

I never was a bookworm. I had no use for culture.
I had no fear of teachers who hovered like a vulture.
A comic book inside a textbook made for pleasant reading.
I only paid attention to what I would be needing.

The same is true now that I’m grown. I skip over the news.
I have no need of knowing  about Arabs, Serbs or Jews.
I fixate on my own needs. I can’t bother with the rest.
I read enough to pay my bills and pass my driver’s test.

What more is necessary? I have TV and my phone.
When I am ensconced in them, the world leaves me alone.
I’m tired of ecology and its boring explaining,
so voted for a president who is more entertaining.

Now that news is comedy, it holds my interest well.
Who believes those scientists who ring the warning bell?
When the air’s too bad to breathe, I’ll simply stay inside
watching news on Stuppid  that is more bona fide.

(Click on the Stuppid URL for a list and description of “fake news” news sources and some of the biggest disinformation posts.  Chilling. )

Prompt words today were bail, division, illustrious and armor.
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/17/rdp-sunday-bail/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/17/fowc-with-fandango-division/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/16/illustrious/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/17/your-daily-word-prompt-armor-march-17-2019/

Her Highness Contemplates a Seemly End

greg-daines-1376875-unsplash
Her Highness Contemplates A Seemly End

Nobility in dying is something I shan’t botch,
for I know it shall be one that the whole wide world will watch.
I cannot go by fire, for I’m sure I would be screaming
as the water quenched the fire and set my flesh to steaming.

So unseemly and so crass. I’d find it unappealing.

So, too, a rope around my neck, hanging from the ceiling.
Jumping from a roof won’t do. Nor will a gun nor pills.
Every sort of suicide just sports too many ills.

It’s clear that death by avalanche is the only one

that will really suit me when the day is done.
A certain swift clean fall of snow seems such a pristine death.
A queenly mode of dying. Such a regal final breath!

photo by Greg Daines, Unsplash  Today’s prompt words are avalanche, watch, nobility and fire. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/rdp-friday-avalanche/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/08/fowc-with-fandango-watch/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/your-daily-word-prompt-nobility-march-8-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/fire/

Family Roster

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Family Roster

I wonder, did you ever know
that the mighty buffalo
and the bison (but not the sow)
are qualified to join the cow
as animals that we opine
should be listed as bovine?

Goats and sheep are also cast
as Bovindae, as is the last
animal in this family,
which is the oxen. So you see
all the animals the cow
shares its family name with now!

 

The prompt word, of course, was bovine!
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/06/bovine/

Made Over

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Made Over

Back when we were fragile and our love was first on trial,
I was seeking to enchant you with trickery and guile.
I feared that final reckoning when one day you’d wake up
before I had the chance to do my hair and my makeup.

My mental alarm clock never seemed to fail.
I’d haul me to the bathroom, looking snarled and pale—
smooth my hair and draw the me you knew upon my face,
until the real me was obscured—vanished without a trace.

How many years did I go on with that sad charade,

trying to restore in me what nature chose to fade?

Now that all I am is finally written on my face

with lines and wrinkles scored so deep that you can easily trace
all of my imperfections, what a wonder that you see
what you describe as beauty in this face that’s only me!

 

Prompt words today are trial, reckoning, enchant and fragile. Links below.
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/rdp-sunday-trial/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/03/fowc-with-fandango-reckoning/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/your-daily-word-prompt-enchant-march-3-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/fragile/