Category Archives: Humor

Insomnia Blues

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Image by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash, Used with permission.                 

Insomnia Blues

I turn up the volume, turn off the lights–
the beginning of one of my fruitless insights
into how to manage falling asleep
by listening to podcast sessions I keep
stored on my computer, backed up on my phone,
although I admit, in the dark, all alone,

I lie sleepless for hours, in spite of trying
various things to assist in my flying
off into dreamland. Music and books,
chants, meditations and other hooks
created to lull a person to dreams,
where I will not go in this lifetime,it seems.

Hour after hour, I try to snooze.
Light up a doobie, sip on some booze,
but nothing works, so as dawn lights my day,
I arise from my bed and I’m off and away
to attend Open Circle–– a weekly gathering
given to performances, lectures and blathering
on local issues. This week it’s my friend.

I find my seat. It’s first row, on the end.
Hear announcements of upcoming speakers and then
my very best friend. I hear her begin,
then fade into dreams, beginning to snore,
lean ever lower, end up on the floor.
So that sleep I’ve been praying for comes, in the end,
rudely, in public, as I lose a friend.

Today’s Word of the Day was “Volume.”

Fibbing Friday

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Art by AI

For this week’s Fibbing Friday, the subjects we are forced to lie about are:

1. Who has a licence to kill?  It’s written in the word…LlCEnce!
2. Who had a perfect ’10’.  Farrah Fawcett’s hubby, Lee Majors.
3.  Who said ‘I’ll be back?’ Trump, and unfortunately he was.
4.  Who wanted to be a ‘real boy’? Not Michael Jackson.
5.. Who had breakfast at Tiffanys? The mouse patrol cat who lived there.
6.  What happened in Wall Street? It got held up.
7.  Where would you find the Green Mile? Elon Musk’s bank vault.
8.  Who was The Iron Lady? The lady who pressed clothes at our local laundry.
9.  What is Watership Down? Seagull feathers stuck to an oceangoing vessel.
10. Who walked the Line? The drunk pulled over by the patrolman.

Reluctant Guest for SOCS

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Reluctant Guest

It was infatuation. He was there at my behest,
and though I hoped for more, he proved to be a slippery guest.
When I reached out for him and he escaped my grasp,
I improvised a harness out of scarf and belt and clasp.

Before you form ideas about my brashness in this tryst,
imagining the lengths that I might go to to be kissed,
I fear that you misunderstand the situation. Maybe,
I did not make it clear that I was bathing sis’s baby!

 

The Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “guest.”

Fibbing Friday

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For Fibbing Friday, the assigned words to define this week are:

1. Artichoke. Painter’s block
2. Brass. A cold bottom.
3. Criteria. A shopping mall for animals.
4. Doppelganger. A member of a weatherman’s group. (Dew-People Ganger)
5. Effervescent. Always odiferous.
6. Frugal. In the mood to dance, mid-sixties style.
7. Gossamer. Someone given to repetitive vacation locations. 
8. Hallucinate. To suffer a prolonged, uncontrollable fit of laughter over an old “I Love Lucy” episode. 
9. Ingenious. Not fond of  the “I Dream of Jeannie” show.
10. Jeopardy. A soirée for geologists.

 

“Immortality” for The Three Things Challenge

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Immortality

In no way am I ready for meeting the Grim Reaper.
If it were up to me, I’d rather he be a Grim Creeper.
In all ways, I repel the thought that he’s advancing fast,
for when it comes to living, I wish that it would last.
In short, I’m not in readiness but rather in denial,
for I’m simply not in shape to walk that final mile.
I’ve dug my heels in. I’m not ready for that journey in the sky.
I’m going to go on living. I’m not ever going to die!!!

For the Three Things Challenge the prompt words were: REPEL READINESS REAPER

(When we had my sister’s grave marker made, they offered us a “deal” so my other sister and I had our own markers made at the same time. I did not realize that they’d actually install the stones in our family plot!  So, as you can see above…my eternal resting place awaits me. Strangely enough, one childhood friend has told me he mows around it monthly and another sent me this photo of flowers he’d placed on it for memorial day. As you can see, there is no reason for me to actually give up the ghost as I’m getting enough attention without doing the actual deed.)

Jellybelly Saturday Night

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Jellybelly Saturday Night

The only right place to put jelly
is on toast and then into your belly..
Then when you are sated
and fully elated,
 go sit it in front of the telly!

for the Limerick Challenge, the prompt was Jelly

“Capitol Hill” for The Sunday Whirl

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Capitol Hill

He tolls the bell, this liar son
saying that the war he’s won.
He casts his spell, pretending that
the tricks he pulls out of his hat
are gospel truth as he finds fault
with saner men who try to halt
his lies and tricks and machinations
with news reports and protestations
that find him guilty of heinous acts
while he hits back with money’s power
as all around him succumb and cower
fearing their own loss of station,
fortune, job, or reputation.
“It’s fine,” they sigh, “and meant to be
so long as it advances me!”

For The Sunday Whirl #760 the prompt words are:
tolls spell inclined mind find sigh hit guilty fine fault liar 

“Something Old” for dVerse Poets

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                                                                                                                              jdb photo

Something Old

Love is a narcotic that makes us think we’re wise-—
nature’s slick conspiracy for matching girls and guys.
It hangs around in barrooms, obscured in eyes and talk,
and before you know it, it makes you walk the walk
down rose-petaled aisles on your way to say “I do,”
in something new or borrowed and something old and blue.

Then love becomes a train wreck, beginning with the pastor
and continuing through daily life until the last disaster
when “I do” becomes “I won’t,” and all love’s vows once-spoken
wind up in love’s dump heap—abandoned, crushed and broken.
Blame it all on Cupid, that chubby little liar,
who never warns us that new love is likely to expire.

For dVerse Poets “Something old. .  .” Prompt

Darn. I took so long trying to find an illustration for the “Something Old, Something New”. . .’ prompt that the Mr. Linky link lapsed, so here it is. for Open Link Night.

Making An Impression, for SOCS

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Making An Impression

 

 

Making An Impression

I  think the time has come for me to render this confession.
I simply am no good at all at making an impression.
My hair is light, my skin is pale, I’m hard to see at all.
The only slight impressions I make are when I fall!

 

 

For SOCS, the prompt word is “impress.

Silly Answers, for Fibbing Friday

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Yay! Here’s this week’s Fibbing Friday: (Photo by Alex Dusa.)

1. What is a tandem? A liberal  beach visitor.
2. What is a periwinkle?  A cluster of age lines on a geriatric face.
3. What’s the difference between a pitcher and a ewer? One throws a ball and the other bawls at her lamb.
4. Who was Penelope Pitstop? (That should read “What Is Penelope Pit’s top?) It is her breasts, of course.)
5. What is pigeon toed? A pigeon, of course.
6. What is a toupee? A urinating duo.
7. What is carrion? Suitcases you take on the plane for free.
8. What is a milkshake? An allergic reaction to lactose.
9. What is a cockle? A very small rooster.
10. What is a choux bun? A breadroll fed to a chicken in Australia.