Category Archives: Humor

Nervous Nibbling Prior to the St. Patrick’s Day Party

 

Nervous Nibbling Prior to the St. Patrick’s Day Party

I’ve secured the decorations and I’ve bought the party food.
I’ve put out all the shamrocks and soon the whole damn brood
will descend en masse for the St. Patrick’s celebration.
I fear that by the end of it I’ll need a small vacation.

Green salad and green curry, green bean casserole, green beer.
Every single  item of refreshment that is here 
seems to be of verdant hue. I’m finding it most shocking,
and soon there will be over-drinking and much over-talking.

Everyday on March 17th, I find it is the same.
If we run out of green cuisine, I am the one to blame.
Every other day of March, I’m totally secure.
It’s only the 17th day I find hard to endure.

This green ice-cream is melting and I fear it will be wasted.
It cannot last much longer. It’s a shame it’s gone untasted.
It looks so delicious. There are bowls there on the shelf.
Do you think it would be callous if I ate it all myself?

Words for the day are ice cream, callous, shamrock, secure and everyday.

Fallen Star

Fallen Star

Is it love or obligation? I am driven to inquire.
It’s the sort of information that I’m not going to acquire
unless I ask you bluntly. He’s a noxious sort of fellow—
shriveled-up and cranky, and his fingernails are yellow!

He’s a worn-out western movie star, but  I swear his past
is not the sort of glamor that’s been shown to last.
Marry a guy for former fame? My dear, it isn’t groovy.
If you want to see him at his best, may I suggest a movie?

Prompts today are shrivel, acquire, obligation, noxious and western. Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash. Used with permission.

Blackberry Balsam

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Blackberry Balsam

Blackberry Balsam, the scourge of my youth.
It was repulsive, my father uncouth
for presenting this mucous-like liquid most vile,
insisting I swallow the ghastly brown bile.
I gritted my teeth and went sullen and wild,

but how could I refuse? I was only a child.

Gagging and choking, I chased it with Coke,
expecting another dose when I awoke.
All these years later, its flavor unfaded,
its vomitous odor my memory invaded.
Blackberry Balsam? No taste could be worse,
proving sometimes the cure is worse than the curse.

Animal Nature

Animal Nature

She had a penchant for excitement but discretion was a must,
for how her family worried and how her family fussed—
fingers tearing hair and both palms shielding eyes.
Was bungee-jumping safe? Did she think sky-diving wise?

They’d have her clipping coupons and baking cherry pies,
so she only did her favorite things shrouded in disguise.
A person in a chicken costume jumping from a plane
might have been seeking notice, might have seemed inane

if the chicken ever took off her feathers or her mask.
If she ever answered the questions they might ask.
But she only shed her feathers once safely in her home,
arranging them with fingers and a broad-toothed comb.

Snow-boarding in her fox costume, she knew they’d never know
how she banged up her left elbow, fractured her little toe.
She’d said it was at tennis—that family-sanctioned sport,
as they happily imagined her on golf course or on court.

They found other sport unseemly, inappropriate at best
when associated with their spotless family crest.
Thus did she live her life according to her nature
while never bringing shame to her family nomenclature!

Words prompts for the day are: eyes, penchant, excitement, discretion and coupon. Illustration from Pinterest.

The Gift

The Gift

Once more you have defeated me with your machination,
for this gadget you have gifted me defies imagination.
Those tripartite metal arms are too small for much  lifting,
but too far apart to make use of in fine sifting.

The little barrel at the end resembles a munition,
but it does not match a firearm of any definition.
Is it a curling iron? Should I use it in my grooming?
If I plug it in should I expect a lethal booming?

Who knows if it was meant for betterment or sure destruction?
Such gifts are more appreciated when sent with instruction!
The layoffs at our company were no fault of my own.
I didn’t learn of yours until after you had flown.

The powers that be just acted without consulting me.
The charges that the fault was mine, in truth, are calumny.
I swear your firing was in no way due to my picking,
so please reclaim your gift before it ceases in its ticking!!!

Prompt words are layoff, gadget, imagination, tripartite and definition. Illustration thanks to Unsplash, used with permission.

tri·par·tite (I’d never heard the word before either, so here’s the pronunciation and definition:/trīˈpär’ˌtīt/ adjective  shared by or involving three parties.“a tripartite coalition government”consisting of three parts.“a tripartite classification.”)

Stale Humor


Stale Humor

A ubiquitous imagination is just like all the others
with no variation from your sister’s or your brother’s.
It does not twist or undulate. It runs a narrow course.
It has a sense of humor never varying from its source.

As Mother dreamed and Father dreamed, so does it dream as well.
It does not flaunt, cavort, carouse. It’s locked within a cell.
It doesn’t thrive on irony. It does not tease or bait us.
In lieu of furnishing fresh air, we flounder in its flatus.

God save us all from normalcy and those who are too dumb
to develop their own funny bone but who remain humdrum
by reciting age-old jokes to us and memorizing jokes
that haven’t drawn much laughter since they learned them from their folks.

 

Prompt words for the day are flatus, ubiquitous, imagination, carouse and twist.

Nuptial Gardening

 

(This gardener used for illustrative purposes only!!!)

Nuptial Gardening

Once I was his buttercup. He plucked me from the bunch.
He bought me lovely jewelry and took me out to lunch.
He called me “dear” and “princess” and set me on a throne.
I had no respite from him. I never was alone.

But now that we are married, this man who was my savior
is stingy with household accounts and questions my behavior.
Our house once warm and welcoming is now a gelid zone.
If I knew what I’d done to cause it, I’d try to atone.

But he cannot come up with any errant act or deed
that transformed me from buttercup to a common weed.
He will not plough my garden, though frequently I ask.
Perhaps I’ll hire a gardener to complete the task.

Prompt words are gathered from five different sites. To see those sites, click on the words which are all linked to their sites: gelid, zone, behavior, respite and buttercup (This gardener used for illustrative purposes only!!!)

On Mexican Time

On Mexican Time

2:59 PM Damn. You would not believe what a day this has been.

Today was Pasiano’s day to come clean and refill the hot tub and pool and to do the regular gardening. On Wednesday he’ll be very busy as they are due to deliver a truckload of plants to put in the recently cleared-out spare lot next door, where they finished putting the fence up two days ago. The first plants we put in were molested by passing cows who stopped by for a light lunch and so planting was delayed until the fence was up.  Today was also Yolanda’s day to come clean and Oscar’s day to come walk the dogs and give them both baths.

I woke up very early this morning so was working on my third blog of the day when Alberto the plumber called to say he had the part to fix the pool filter pump and that he’d be coming to do that. He arrived and Pasiano, Oscar and Yolanda left. Got a call at noon, after Pasiano left, that although they were supposed to deliver the plants tomorrow at 5 so Pasiano could plant them on Wednesday, they were instead delivering  today at 1!! I tried to call Pasiano as he has the only keys to the padlocks for the gates  to the lot and his phones didn’t answer. Called three times and finally got him and he said the padlocks weren’t on the gates. So, about 1:05, the plumber tells me there is someone at the gate. I go out, don’t see anyone and figure they are down in the lot. The street is full of cars but I don’t see a truck! It turns out they are having an open house across the street. So I get down to the lot and no truck. I trudge back up the hill and find it isn’t the plants that have arrived, but rather a truck with my new stove and dishwasher in it–a month early! I desperately try to call Yolanda to see if she’s sure she wants both my old stove, which works fine except for the absence of two dial handles which I’ve been trying to replace for the past year with no luck and the dishwasher, which doesn’t work, but no one answers. Either line. Her son Juan Pablo’s line doesn’t answer either. Then the delivery people tell me they don’t take away the old appliances anyway and having brought the boxed appliances in and depositing them in the kitchen, they depart. I have a kitchen island I had built in the middle of my kitchen which luckily, I had put on wheels. It is scooted over to in front of the cabinets and sink and the rest of the kitchen is filled with appliances!

In the meantime, the plants arrive and I go back down the hill to show them where to put them. They start downloading and I run up to the house to call the store where I bought the appliances, if, since the appliances have been delivered a month early,  they have, as promised, arranged for someone to come install them, and they say no!! Luckily, Alberto the plumber comes up from having installed the pump and I ask if he knows how to install the stove and dishwasher. By then the appliance delivery guys have left and he says yes, but he’ll need help lifting the stove out. I help him do that but wonder how we are going to get it up the steps to the garage.

The doorbell rings. It is the plant guys who have put all the plants into the spare lot and are ready to be paid. I ask the guy they’ve hired to help if he will help Alberto carry the dishwasher up the steps to the garage, which he does. I tip him and they leave. Alberto installs the new stove and gets it going, then learns they haven’t delivered a hose with the dishwasher. We also discover ten years of cockroach poop behind the dishwasher. He puts the dishwasher out on the terraza and I try calling Yolanda for the sixth time and she answers! Yes, they want both appliances and will come to get them tonight. Alberto departs to drive to Jocotepec to get a new hose.

I go to sit in front of the fan and take my mask off as I’m now soaking wet and my glasses are totally fogged over from all that running up and down the hill and breathing hot air that leaked out around the top of the mask right up to inside my glasses. What a day!! All mistimed appearances that somehow meshed. If Alberto hadn’t been here I would have had no one to install the appliances. If the plant guys hadn’t come a day early, there would have been no one to help him carry the stove up the stairs to the garage, but as things turned out, everything jelled. And that, my dears, is a perfect description of Mexico for you. Things that seem pandemonium just seem to work out. Not in the time you’d planned for them to work out and certainly not in the way you’d planned for them to turn out, but nonetheless, they turn out!

P.S. Yolanda just called to say they will come for the appliances tomorrow. “But the dishwasher is standing out on the terrace. What if it rains?” I ask. “It will be fine. The dishwasher will be fine,” she answers. And she is probably right.

 

Home for the Duration?

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Home for the Duration?

I simply must go shopping. I’ve a plethora of needs.
My soup has gone unsalted and my garden’s full of weeds.
I need whips for my whacker and I need a box of salt.
So if my meals aren’t tasty, you can see it’s not my fault.

The bane of my existence is the branches that have grown
to obscure my lake view and upset my garden’s tone.
When I’m in the hammock, I’m thereby deprived my vista
because I loaned my hedge clippers to my older sista.

It’s easier to buy new ones if I could just go shopping,
but nobody knows when our immurement will be stopping.
Lately what might happen in the future’s arcane knowledge.
I hope that school resumes before my 3-year-old needs college!

Prompt words for today are salty, arcane, vista, plethora and shop.

Rescinded Offer

Rescinded Offer

Her succinct requirements rush outward like a river.
What she expects from marriage. What she expects he’ll give her.

She tries to soften her demands with voice both soft and sweet—
habits he must abolish. Standards he should meet.

They stand before cerulean bay the color of her eyes.
Waves breaking gently on the shore first soothe, then hypnotize.

Then a clap of thunder disturbs the scenic spell.
He hears the content of her words and knows her very well.

There won’t be any marriage. She never will be his.
He’s decided to just find a girl who’ll take him as he is!

 

Word prompts for the day are cerulean bay, abolish, river, succinct and breaking.