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This sign has appeared on so many sites that it is impossible to give attribution…but had to share it myself.
For Fibbing Friday the 13th, some of the word clues were difficult, to say the least, so be patient and sound them out with me, please!!!! (Illustration done by AI)
1. What is a canopy? What you hand the lab assistant for your UTI test.
2. What is a cookie? How the chef gets into the restaurant kitchen.
3. What is a pup cup? A stinky chamber pot.
4. What is a typhoon? It is on a typed sheet of paper that requires correction.
5. Why are nails sharp at one end? To enable them to scratch itches.
6. What’s the difference between a chip and a fry? Both are beauty shop errors, but one is a faulty manicure and the other a faulty permanent.
7. What is a shoe horn? A trumpet that signals a retreat during a battle.
8. Why do spirit levels have bubbles? Because they are served with a carbonated mixer.
9. Why do we have tea leaves but coffee grains? Because that’s the color mom wanted the eaves painted and because the housepainters spilled some of the brown paint from the walls onto the wheat plants in the window boxes.
10. What is a diplomat? A judge at a diving competition.
Dakota Dirt
My father toiled for fifty years,
facing the worries and the fears—
the gambles that a farmer faced
when all his future he had placed
as seeds beneath Dakota dirt.
Every year, he risked the shirt
right off his back. With faith, he’d bury
his whole future in that prairie.
Sticky gumbo, that fine-grained silt
upon which his whole life was built.
Then, closer to our summer home,
near the river, in sand and loam,
he hoped he could prepare for ours:
our clothes, our college, and first cars.
Then came those years that brought the change
that altered fields and crops and range.
The rain that formerly turned to rust
plows left untended, turned to dust
that, caught up in the wind’s mad thrust
caused many a farmer to go bust
as a whole nation mourned and cussed
black clouds of dirt that broke the trust
that nature would provide for all.
What formerly fed, now brought their fall.
It broke the men who couldn’t wait
for the drought years to abate,
but my father kept his faith in soil.
Found other paying forms of toil
building dams to catch what rain
might later fall on that dry plain.
And though others thought his prospects poor,
he kept his land and bought some more.
He learned to vary furrow line,
believing it would turn out fine.
So when good fortune returned again,
bringing with it snow and rain,
he welcomed and was ready for it.
That April it began to pour, it
filled his dams and nourished what
soil remained. He filled each rut
with clover, alfalfa and wheat.
Allowed the summer sun to beat
and change them into fields of gold—
into grain and feed he sold.
Bought cattle. Planted winter wheat.
Once more secure on his two feet,
expanded and as he had planned,
bought more cattle and more land.
Some said that he had just exploited
those whose land he’d reconnoitered
and purchased after they’d given up,
empty hands transformed to cup.
He was a hero unsung, unknown,
until long after when I was grown.
At the centennial of our town,
I learned a bit of his renown
when others told to me how he
shared nature’s generosity.
He sent three daughters to university,
then shared with his community
to build a church and give more knowledge
to those young men he sent to college.
Then made loans without fame or thanks
to other farmers denied by banks.
I’d always known how rich my life
was made by all his toil and strife—
the insurance he gave his family
that enabled us all to be free.
But, aside from daughters, wife and mother,
I’d never know of every other
soul he’d helped to prosperous ends:
neighboring ranchers, sons of friends.
Could my father have known he’d also planned
all these other futures when he bought the land?
This rich Jones County gumbo on the treads of my tire at one of our all-town reunions a few years ago is what sent me to college!
For dVerse Poets “Embodying a Landscape” prompt.
If I should have to paint a picture of my present mood,
I’d be walking down a staircase, unfortunately nude—
My many selves preceding me and coming fast behind—
for there would be not one of me, but many of my kind.
This scene is a mere copy of Duchamp’s solution to
a person who perhaps has found she has too much to do.
My list of tasks is growing, though I’ve dealt with one or two;
but how I’ll deal with everything, I fear I have no clue.
And so I guess my canvas style would simply have to be
like Marcel’s (though not cubist, still with more than one of me.)
That way I’d send off each of me to do what must be done.
They’d do all my labor while I went to have some fun.
While self 1 wrote my daily prompt and self 2 cleaned my shelves,
I’d go out to the water park with all my other selves.
We’d climb up all the ladders and slide down all the slides
and play a game of tug-rope where I would be both sides!
We’d go out to the ice cream place and have a cone or three
and they’d get all the calories with none assigned to me!
We’d take my bad dogs for a walk and I would be so free.
Two other me’s would hold the leashes, not the actual me.
I’d loll here in my hot tub, swing in my hammock, too,
while selves from 1 to 9 would do all that I have to do.
They’d figure out my airfryer instructions (all in Spanish.)
They’d sort out all my photographs and clean my loo with Vanish.
Agreeable to every task, they’d never mention “can’t.”
They’ll pick off all the yellow leaves from every drying plant.
They’ll organize my studio that is a horrid mess.
(It’s been that way for many months—a fact I must confess.)
They’d sort out all my closets and organize my drawers,
then go into my Filofax and sort out all the bores.
They’d shape my canned goods into rows—sorted from “A” to “Z.”
which makes it difficult for them, but easier for me.
And though my other selves keep warm from their activity,
my idleness seems not to create any warmth for me.
So although I like my colors and my brush strokes strong and bold,
I wish I’d put some clothes on us, ‘cause I am getting cold!!
Esther’s Writing Prompt this week is: Mood. (Obviously, mine is a silly one.)
Time of Death?
There was a young woman from Hall
who died jumping over a wall.
T’would have been a sad thing
if she’d died in the spring,
but she didn’t. She died in the fall.
See other limericks for Esther’s March 9 “Laughing Along with a Limerick” challenge HERE. (Sorry, I didn’t realize there was a prompt word until after I’d written the limerick. Next time I’ll play by the rules, Esther!!!!
Bird Chorus, No Backup
Birds perch on countless branches, each a separate bell
ringing out the cadence of stories they must tell.
Around them, eerie silence, for no other sounds compete.
No sound of children’s laughter. No pattering of feet.
Compared to their iPhones, mere nature can’t compete.
The prompt for the dVerse Poets Quadrille prompt is “bird.” A Quadrille asks for 44 words only…
A colony of thousands of leaf-cutter ants forms a chain to file in an orderly fashion around my house to my large Virginia Creeper vine that hangs over my terrace. It is their intention to crunch the life out of leaf after leaf by grasping them in their razor jaws and slicing off neat packages to carry off to their nest.
I rattle the tiny logs of ant poison in the can to spill several small lines of poison over their trail, then scan the procession to watch them carry them off. I hate killing any part of nature, still I have a hunch that if I don’t fight back, that they will strip the entire garden of its leaves–every vine, plant and tree. As I fit the lid back on the can, I try to reassure myself that in most encounters in nature, one creature loses while the other wins. This is part of the plan. But still, I experience guilt as I watch yet another ant carry a pellet back to its nest.
Prompts for The Sunday Whirl 747 are: colony rattling still lose crunch life fits hunch scan packages grasping chains.