Category Archives: humorous poem

A Marital Discourse on The Subject of Light Exercise

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A Marital Discourse on The Subject of Light Exercise

You breakfast, lunch and tea and sup,
hardly ever getting up.
I say that we should take a ride
just to get us both outside,

and thus do I precipitate
a lively marital debate—
you flummoxed by my rude suggestion
that interferes with your digestion.

So I employ another means
to distract you from your franks and beans.
Feeling youthful and impulsive,
I chance your finding it repulsive

and suggest that we go dancing
and perhaps do some romancing,
whereupon you rise and shriek
that your demise I surely seek.

Dancing at our advanced age?
You spit and sputter, in a rage,
and since for minutes you don’t pause,
at least you exercise your jaws.

Prompt words today are precipitate, flummoxed, shriek, impulsive, employ and ride.

Finicky Lovers

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Finicky Lovers

Finicky lovers inspect water glasses,
ask if you’re vaxed before they make passes.
Chuckle at jokes, but only the funny ones,
eat hard-boiled eggs, but balk at the runny ones.

They run the gamut of each picky habit.
See every spot and are certain to dab it.
Do not buy on clearance, for things are picked over.
Will lie in the grass, but only in clover.

They sweep off your driveway before they can park,
but first cover their tires so they’ll leave no mark.
If you think this is odd, when they remove their pants,
they must make a crisp fold before they advance!

Prompt words today are chuckle, sweep, finicky, gamut, clearance and advance. Image by  Jonathan Cosens on Unsplash.

“Sin”chronicity

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“Sin”chronicity

I’m circumspect about temptation,
for though it may cause elation,
due to its duplicity,
it may lead to toxicity.

I believe the oft-heard rumor
that fate has a sense of humor.
Example: you are running late
and seek the airport taxi gate.

When you arrive and reconnoiter
you say you have no time to loiter,
so they let you jump the queue,
but then the taxi runs over you.

Perhaps that only goes to show
there’s some advantage to going slow,
but I believe man’s jubilation
comes from avoiding temptation!

Today’s prompts are temptation, circumspect, toxicity, loiter,
and taxi. Image by Jordan Andrews on Unsplash.

Unlove Spell # 2

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Unlove Spell #2

I don’t swallow your poetry, it’s lacking rhyme and meter.
You fancy yourself as a bard, but you are just a cheater.
Your words are all disposable. I’ve heard them all before.
Your melody discordant as you walk out the door.
I have a little fetish that I stick needles in.
They say it’s made expressly for expunging faithless men.

Prompt words today are  bard, disposable, fetish, cheater, swallow and melody. Joke folks. Not autobiographical.  If you want to read the original Love Charm, go HERE.

Bad Holiday Attitudes

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I unfortunately didn’t take photos of most of the Christmas ornament devastation described in the below poem, except for the one unfortunate angel found in the yard today, so I will make do with  more of today’s latest.  The pieces of the cushion shown , now collected, were spread over the entire lawn and patio. My day’s exercise was collecting them all and stuffing them back into their cushion, then throwing it away. Luckily the garbage had not been collected so I unstuffed a bit for photo purposes. She also chewed the ties off most of the chair cushions in the garden and the corner off the cushion for the lounge chair.The bedroom duvet is my newest. This is a very recent thing, destroying bedding. Trying to decide what to do. To be fair to Coco, I think most of this devastation is created by Zoe. Pasiano says it is because she’s the smallest and trying to prove her moxie. In that case, she has succeeded.

Bad Holiday Attitudes

My energetic puppies are meddlesome at best.
They seek to alter their milieu with destructive zest.
They create a fizzy ambience on patio and lawn
by spreading lawn chair cushion stuffing all hither and yon.

They parade my Christmas banner throughout my lower yard,
sowing its bits and shreds between the onions and the chard.
No matter at what altitude we hang the decorations,
they seem able to reach them to appease their mastications.

They shred what ornaments they find on tabletop and trees.
climbing up and leaping at whatever they can seize.
A dismembered Santa Claus lies nestled in the hay
where once slept baby Jesus, who’s securely tucked away

beneath the new poinsettia, sadly unidentifiable.
His restoration is, I fear, now totally unviable.
So, unless my naughty canine friends speed up their maturations,
Next year I think that I’ll attempt way fewer decorations.

Prompt words today are fizzy, meddlesome, altitude, milieu, onion and banner.

Costume Check: The Sunday Whirl Wordle #588

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Costume Check

Let me stand here for a moment hidden in the shade,
for my tank top strap is broken right by my shoulder blade.
I’ll shuffle off to mend it when the band starts up again,
but will stand here nearly silent as a statue until then.

My arms are wrapped around me, holding things in place,
for with one side that’s set free, I’m not ready to face
the folks up in the grandstand staring down at me.
Their half-time entertainment I do not want to be!

I’m a living manifestation of how things fall apart,
for the garment that once hugged my frame now hangs below my heart.
The breeze blows yellow pollen downward from the trees
to coat my arms and shoulders and makes me want to sneeze.

Oh that I’d brought the handy shawl Mom thought that I should bring,
I’d now be in the powder room, fixing everything.
Instead, I stand here cross-armed wishing eyes could be averted
so their perusals of my chest could thereby be diverted.

Prompts for The Sunday Whirl Wordle are: shoulder powdery wraps broken shuffle blade stand moment again nearly silence. Image by Racool on Freepix.

Gossip Girl

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Gossip Girl

She always shilly-shallies, so
is extraordinarily slow.
Shopping takes her for forever
for she never ever ever
just does what she has come to do
without a bit of gossip, too.
In other words, it’s cash and tarry
for her instead of cash and carry.

Prompt words are shilly-shally, slow, ordinarily, gossip and forever. 

Fashion Reveal

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Fashion Reveal

Though once judged diabolical , with no rhyme nor reason,
my acts once labeled as commitments of the highest treason,
I have at last been vindicated, judgements now reversed
and I can hold my head up high—an action I’ve rehearsed.

Though once I cowered in my room, at the limits of my sanity,
waiting for the world’s conversion from  its rude inanity,
I’m ready to come out again now all the world agrees
that it is cool to wear your jeans when ripped out at the knees.

Shredded around the ankles, slashed along the thighs,
butt cheeks half revealed to any passing viewer’s eyes.
What once I was reviled for, when down on my luck,
is the coolest fashion now that intact Levis suck.

Prompt words for the day are limit, vindicated, room, diabolic, ready and high. Image by Tyler Nix on Unsplash.

Trump Card

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Trump Card

Spin your web. Enact your plan.
Insist you’re of the common man.
Hang a pendant on a chain
Sway it forth and back again
just a dozen times or so,
mesmerizing in its flow.

If you mollify their fears
with promises placed in their ears,
you need give them little proof.
Just call the liberals aloof
and assure them that you’re not.
They’ll overlook your sins and yacht.

Call black white and call white black.
Blame others for what they lack.
Forbid care for the halt and lame.
Point a finger, blame the blame.
Soon they’ll have you in their head.
Certain folks like to be led.

Monkey see and monkey do.
The gullible will follow you

Prompt words today are follow, mollify, monkey,  dozen and gullible.

Vacation Plans

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Vacation Plans

Since my store of giddy-up is no longer stellar,
I’m limiting vacation plans to rooftop room and cellar.
My travel guru’s dubious. She says I’ll change my mind.
She thinks I’m merely ground down by the daily grind.

Though I rehearse refusals, the practice doesn’t work.
She merely puts them down as a momentary quirk.
In fact she has been needling me to book a new vacation
and poo-poos my refusals to my great perturbation.

My  stubborn change of attitude regarding foreign travel,
she’s sure that she can pick at till it starts to unravel;
but these are the travel plans for which I’d like to vouch.
The scenery is gorgeous between my bed and couch!

 

Prompt words today are travel, roof, guru, dubious, needle and rehearsal.