Category Archives: humorous poem

Dagwood

473fef2d0018fdef47b61a3b0c92686f--dagwood-sandwich-dinner-recipesphoto from Pinterest

Dagwood

After my pizza and after my knish
I have just one more edible wish.
I’m building its fantasy here in my mind:
a spectacular sandwich of a unique kind.

A little pastrami, baked beans and some cheese,
pickles and mustard and if you please
some mayonnaise lightly spread over the bread.
(Miracle Whip?  I’d rather be dead!)

Some avo and onions sliced thin would be nice,
and if you have it, a green pepper slice.
Some olives and beets would add a good zing,
and then I’d like one more additional thing.

Some chips to add crunch––put them right there inside.
(Only a ninny would place them outside.)
Then slice it diagonally if you will,
with a pickle beside it––a big kosher dill.

Then you can leave, please, so I can I start
greedily ripping that sandwich apart.
For though I needed help, perhaps, in its construction,
I need no further guidance in its destruction

Prompt words today are sandwich, fantasy, ninny, vanquish and guidance.

Piscine Phobia


Piscine Phobia

I don’t eat salmon, don’t eat flounder.
I prefer my protein rounder—
chicken, roasts or food like that.
Fish is too fishy and too flat.

Tuna mixed with soup and noodle,
I despise kit and caboodle!
Nothing could persuade me that
I should eat food fit for a cat.

I won’t eat food grown in a swamp,
so crabs and clams I never chomp.

No protein caught by motor boat
will ever pass my teeth and throat.

When dinner parties serve up chowder,
I’m likely to just take a powder.
I simply can’t take the suspense
of what fish lurks in soup so dense.

So if you want to plan a treat
that I will find the nerve to eat,
once again, I must repeat,
forget the lobster. Give me meat!!

Words for today are flounder, suspense, nothing, swamped and motor.

High and Dry

High and Dry

Who wouldn’t feel dejected being jilted by their lover?
It’s normal to be feeling that you might never recover.
Yet when it comes to  loving, let me give you this advice.
Too often love’s determined by the rolling of the dice.
It may come up all sevens or it may come up a bust,
but no matter what your luck is, it simply is a must
that every time you meet the jerk who hung you up to dry,
you have to act as though he is just another guy.
Exercise some sangfroid. Act happy and aloof.
I can guarantee it will send him through the roof.

 

Prompt words today are sangfroid, jilted, advice, aloof and recover.

Of course no one would ever jilt any of these irresistible women. This was a photo for a joint art show I did with three friends years ago. The show was titled, “Now Hanging,” thus the photo of the four of us hung up to dry…

More Advice Regarding the Coronavirus

More Advice Regarding the Coronavirus

With the coronavirus, it’s been given to debate
whether it’s advisable for people to conflate.
Though Pence may okay shaking hands, doctors disagree.
I’d listen to the experts if it were up to me!

Cheek-kisses were delightful in eras non-pandemic,
but lately people fear that they might start an epidemic.
So we’d better kick the habit and make do with a tweet—
just clicking our affection to everyone we meet.

Let safety be our anchor as we all isolate—
our crowded barrooms giving way to the cyber date.
Bitcoins replacing money, for it doesn’t carry germs.
Wearing masks and hazmat suits as we come to terms

with what our esteemed president once tried to pass off
as no major problem—a mere temperature and cough.
Tweeting like a dervish, he still gets such a kick
spreading disinformation as more and more get sick.

But I have a solution for one thing that we could do
to try to stem the factors spreading this dreadful flu—
a mandatory gag and a mandatory mask
for POTUS and Vice-POTUS is what we all should ask.

Prompts for today are delightful, conflate, kick, anchor and money.

Lazy Feet

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Lazy Feet

Crossing the room or traversing the plain,
one foot goes in front of the other again.
It is the business of shoe after shoe
to follow each other through sand, dirt or goo.

They have easy going through fields filled with clover,
but when they meet something they have to climb over,
their task is much harder. No reflecting or browsing,
for climbing up hills is ten times more rousing.

They  pump up the blood, these mountains and ramps.
They irritate arches and instigate cramps.
They cause blisters, pulled muscles, and wear a girl out.
That’s why I don’t often saunter about.

You won’t often find me walking out there
with the wind to my back and stirring my hair.
For although there’s less scenery, I do not care.
I prefer bed or hammock or chair.

Prompt words today are something, browse, revenge, traverse and business.

Duck and Cover

Duck and Cover

To err is human, so when I don’t collect my sneeze,
try to overlook it and forgive my error, please.
Don’t judge my intentions by what I overlook.
I simply cannot make myself go purely by the book.

I sneezed and did not cover. Now “Tag!” you may be it.
It was a simple oversight. Try not to have a fit.
If you think I passed on a bug, do not hesitate.
I’ve heard that it is necessary that you isolate.

As for me, I do not follow dictates from above.
I do not “do” seclusion. I wear no mask or glove.
The world’s my oyster and although I may not be well,
I feel claustrophobic confined within my shell.

If you fear germs, then keep your distance. Turn your head  if worried.
New intimate relationships perhaps should not be curried.
Do I follow my advice? That will be the day.
So best not do as I do, but just do as I say.

Prompt words for today are isolate, tag, human and judge. Photo by Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash. Used with permission.

Practice Makes Perfect


Practice Makes Perfect

His patience in predicament has become legendary—
a necessary attribute in one so prone to marry.
He tolerated petulance in the child bride
married out of loneliness after his first wife died.
He tried to build her confidence, but finally set her free,
realizing what she needed most was liberty.
His third wife used another means to put him to the test,
running up his credit cards while feathering his nest.
His fourth wife played around, and the kin of number five
turned his peaceful home into a frantic humming hive.
Only in his dotage did he finally meet his prize—
not as stunning in her beauty, but lovely in his eyes.
No grand faults to overlook. No predicaments to fix.
No petulance to deal with. No relatives to nix.
Marriage done at any age can be pleasure or blight,
but  when he married in his eighties, he finally got it right!!

 

Prompts for today are tolerate, predicament, nest, legendary and confidence. Photos by JD Mason on Unsplash, used with permission.