Category Archives: humorous poem

Dining Out on Aches and Pains

Dining Out on Aches and Pains

Every day they exercise their God-given right
all of their various maladies and twinges to recite.
Over coffee in the morning and martinis after five,
they nod their heads with wonder that they are still alive.

Over pork with wine sauce, they whine about their bladders.
They complain about dizziness. They cannot ascend ladders.
Obstructions in their bowels and needed hip replacements
seem not to curb their appetites for listing such debasements.

From head to toe, they tell the rest each disease and malfunction,
discuss medicine and herbs, consider extreme unction.
 They moan about their neck aches and complain about each corn.
This relation of their aches and pains amounts to senior porn!

As though proud of each new symptom, they relate them with some glee,
hoping to receive some newfound sympathy from me,
but in fact I’ve heard all of their ills time and time again,
and I think that it’s their telling that is a royal pain!!

Prompts for today are exercise, symptom, royal and rest. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/21/rdp-thursday-exercise/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/21/fowc-with-fandango-symptom/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/21/your-daily-word-prompt-royal-march-21-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/21/rest/

Mixed Signals

Mixed Signals

Incoherent messages from your come-hither eyes
often contradict your usual disguise.
When your eyes invite me yet your mouth is so severe,
I hesitate to steal a kiss, let-alone come near.
So even though my radar tells me you’re inviting,
I abandon future plans for fear you will be biting!

The prompt words today are abandon, radar, hither and incoherent. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/20/rdp-wednesday-abandon/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/20/fowc-with-fandango-radar/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/20/your-daily-word-prompt-hither-march-20-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/20/incoherent/

On the Nature of Matter: Atomic Dieting

 

 

In response to LWBUT’s post on the structure of matter—that it is mainly composed of empty space, here is my answer:

On the Nature of Matter: Atomic Dieting

When I worry about dieting in order to get thin,
I merely remind myself there’s less of me within!

Extreme Retirement

Extreme Retirement

My daydreams lack a focus. They float by like a cloud.
It is as though much logic is simply not allowed.
Should plans besmirch my reverie, I’m sure to blot them out,
for my thoughts are vagabonds—aimless, without a doubt.
A mortarboard and tassel lurk far within my past,
and I fear the plans they made simply didn’t last
I lie here in my lounge chair, getting too much sun.
I should  raise the umbrella, for sunburn is no fun,
but I cannot stir myself. I’m simply far too lazy.
Retirement would be easier if all the skies were hazy!

 

Prompt words today are tassel, blot, focus and besmirch. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/rdp-tuesday-tassel/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/19/fowc-with-fandango-blot/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/focus/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/your-daily-word-prompt-besmirch-march-19-2019/

Long Story

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Long Story

Your makeshift fidelity is now a laughable matter.
I have grown bold in my approaching old age
as my own life story now seems more fable than reality.

Every good tale needs its falling action—
its climaxes mainly based on comparison,
and, ironically, you were also its denouement.

But, we are the authors of our own drama,
and, much as I would have chosen otherwise,
you were just the coda of the second act.

 

Prompt words today are bold, makeshift, fidelity and laugh. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/rdp-monday-bold/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/18/fowc-with-fandango-makeshift/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/your-daily-word-prompt-fidelity-march-18-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/laugh/

Her Highness Contemplates a Seemly End

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Her Highness Contemplates A Seemly End

Nobility in dying is something I shan’t botch,
for I know it shall be one that the whole wide world will watch.
I cannot go by fire, for I’m sure I would be screaming
as the water quenched the fire and set my flesh to steaming.

So unseemly and so crass. I’d find it unappealing.

So, too, a rope around my neck, hanging from the ceiling.
Jumping from a roof won’t do. Nor will a gun nor pills.
Every sort of suicide just sports too many ills.

It’s clear that death by avalanche is the only one

that will really suit me when the day is done.
A certain swift clean fall of snow seems such a pristine death.
A queenly mode of dying. Such a regal final breath!

photo by Greg Daines, Unsplash  Today’s prompt words are avalanche, watch, nobility and fire. Here are links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/rdp-friday-avalanche/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/03/08/fowc-with-fandango-watch/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/your-daily-word-prompt-nobility-march-8-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/fire/

Family Roster

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Family Roster

I wonder, did you ever know
that the mighty buffalo
and the bison (but not the sow)
are qualified to join the cow
as animals that we opine
should be listed as bovine?

Goats and sheep are also cast
as Bovindae, as is the last
animal in this family,
which is the oxen. So you see
all the animals the cow
shares its family name with now!

 

The prompt word, of course, was bovine!
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/06/bovine/