Category Archives: humorous poem

Office Courtship

 

Office Courtship

He found her shy and taciturn and not a little quaint.
She found him impetuous and lacking in restraint.
That personal space she guarded he invaded every day.
Her solo act he tried to crash, yet still she ran away.

He brought her flowers and chocolates. He courted her with rigor,
and yet the space between them seemed only to get bigger.
He had run out of wooing room. His prospects were too dim.
He felt that he had gone too far out that proverbial limb.

His thoughts that he could win her were just a wishful whim.
And so at last, he must give up. The lass was just too prim.
He did not seek her company. He did not text or call.
He gave a mere polite “Hello,” when they met in the hall.

Her flower vase sat empty. No chocolates in her dish.
It seemed that he had given her, finally, her wish.
She checked her phone charge. It was fine.
She waited for his pleas to dine

or see a film or to go dancing.
More and more, friends found her glancing
down the hallway, and they guessed
what she looked for, so they pressed

her for an answer as they queried
about why she always tarried
in the coffee room when she
usually brought her tea

in a thermos from her house.
Why she wore that low-cut blouse,
why she seemed a bit distracted
and when he passed, she overacted.

They all knew that overall
she’d gone too far to build a wall.
They told her if she wanted him,
she had to make that wall a scrim

and turn her light on from inside

to throw her solo act aside
and show him who she really was.
It became the office buzz

then, how the one who’d been the quarry
set her cap to woo and marry
one she’d formerly eschewed—
thinking him too brash and rude.

And this is how she turned the tide.
She bought a card and wrote inside,
“Faint heart never won fair maid,”
bought flowers and chocolate and paid

a string quartet to serenade him
and by doing so, she made him
once more resume all his wooing,
add his billing to her cooing.

And thus goes office romance.
Fellows given half a chance
will resume what they once started
and if they are not weak-hearted

wind up with the prize they sought,
forgetting that the one who fought
the romance and sought to repeal it
was the one to finally seal it!

 

The photo I used to illustrate this poem is of my nephew Jeff and his wife Julie.  They are the parents of Ryan, my nephew who recently visited. The prompt words today are quaint, personal, taciturn and solo, and here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/24/rdp-monday-quaint/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/24/fowc-with-fandango-personal/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/24/taciturn/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/daily-addictions-2018-week-38/solo

A Feline Primer

 

Photos may be better viewed by clicking on them to enlarge them.

A Feline Primer

Obsequious’s opposite, a cat has got its pride.
The moment that you put it out, it wants to be inside.
Then once inside it sees something outside it has to play with.
Each thing that you have planned for it is something it can’t stay with.

It knocks against your bottles, setting them astray
to crash upon the tiles, and only then, it may
consent to go outside again until you’ve cleaned the mess.
And cats have no contrition. No impulse to confess.

A dog may raid your garbage, steal your pork chops from the table,
but afterwards they’re guilty and they’ll woo you if they’re able.
But try illuminating cats regarding what they’ve done.
They will survey you blankly and go on to other fun.

A cat has grace and beauty , but very little soul.
It pays its rent with hummingbirds, lizards or a mole,
tiny snakes and bunnies, now and then a bat—
laid out for your viewing, on your front doormat.

Cats move with grace throughout your life, doing what they please.
When you least need their presence, they’re there upon your knees.
They’ll knead your finest tapestry, they’ll upchuck on your floor,
and sometimes when you pet them, they will consent to more.

A cat’s a living work of art, draped across your stool.
“Do unto others as you wish” is their golden rule.
So don’t expect a thank-you as you stroke their ruff.
To be graced with their presence should be thanks enough!

 

The prompts today were bottle, obsequious and illuminate. The links are below:

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/23/fowc-with-fandango-bottle/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/obsequious/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/daily-addictions-2018-week-38/illuminate

The Jerk

IMG_1806
jdb photo

The Jerk

He tended to overreact,
the truth to overly compact.
When he was touched, to be exact,
he swore that he’d been soundly whacked.

When his employer  surveyed his work
and claimed that he was prone to shirk
his labors, he was known to smirk
and say his boss was just a jerk.

He was, in short, a royal mess,
much given to his own duress.
A cavity, I must confess,
in his words became an abscess.

Often, truth he would imbue,
and he was rumored to pursue
wages that were not his due,
threatening that he’d surely sue.

His fellow workers made a pact
to somehow get this fellow sacked.
Their plot was detailed and exact.
They wanted no more of his act.

Surely, revenge was overdue.
He hid out in the john, they knew,
so as the jerk approached the loo,
they primed the seat with Super Glue.

It’s true, they heard his sounds of stress
coming from that small recess
where he had chosen to undress
in order that he then might press

His ample bottom to the seat
of his favorite retreat.
They heard his loud resounding bleat,
the pounding of his booted feet

upon the metal, well-locked stall,
his futile poundings on the wall,
but they heeded not his call.
Did he distress them? Not at all.

Much later, he was seen to pass,
a ring attached to his bare ass.
The doctor must have thought it crass.
So did the pretty little lass

who was his nurse, who’d often guessed
he imagined her in states undressed
as she passed this macho pest;
and, if you cannot guess  the rest:

as she raised the needle, gleefully aimed
at ample butt, so red and maimed
and yet so elegantly framed,
she gave witness as the beast was tamed—

and the frequent shamer was finally shamed.

 

The prompt words today are smirk, compact, duress and pursue. Here are the links to the bogs that gave them: (Disclaimer: The photo above was used for illustrative purposes only. The man photographed is actually the opposite of a jerk.)

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/rdp-friday-smirk/

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/21/fowc-with-fandango-compact/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/duress/

https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/ pursue

Reluctant Guest

 

Reluctant Guest

It was infatuation. He was there at my behest,
and although I hoped for more, he proved to be a slippery guest.
When I reached out for him and he escaped my grasp,
I improvised a harness out of scarf and belt and clasp.

Before you form ideas about my brashness in this tryst,
imagining the lengths that I might go to to be kissed,
I fear that you misunderstand the situation. Maybe,
I did not make it clear that I was bathing sis’s baby!

 

 

The prompt words today are slippery, guest, infatuation, improvise.  Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/rdp-thursday-slippery/

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/20/fowc-with-fandango-guest/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/infatuation/

https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/improvise

Good Sport

scan098 2

Good Sport

Although he’s just a featherweight with arms and legs like sticks,
he survives all the scrimmages— the shoving and the kicks.
He’s always game to play the sport in any sort of weather,
with his helmet duct taped to his head and gaiters of fine leather.
He’ll show up to participate whenever they might please
with elbow guards and shoulder pads and cushions on his knees.
Every game he joins his teammates in the dugout trench,
where though they never let him play, he’s faithful to the bench.
And no matter how much they may  laugh and jeer and chide and tease,
When it’s time for the team photo, he’ll turn up and mutter, “Cheese!”

Cheese, feather and game are the haunted wordsmith’s prompts today. Here is the link:
https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/three-things-challenge-18-sept-2018/

Within


Within

Now that we’re approaching the crepuscule of our lives,
memories swarm through our minds like bees working their hives.
We hope that we are smarter and the young ones that we’ve mentored
have been better off for it— directed and more centered.
Now that we’ve had ample time to get ourselves on track,
let’s hope a bit sticks with us if in fact we wander back.
Perhaps those rare wise children who are born into their lives
able to cut through knowledge like butter cut by knives
are only remembering the lessons of their past,
and unlike all the rest of us have wisdom that can last.

Perhaps we call them wunderkinder, prodigies or sages,
marveling at that knowledge which belies their tender ages.
Whether these intuitions are a blessing or a curse
depends on if they use them for better or for worse.
We can’t dispute the forces that balance out our world—
that nucleus of evil that seems securely curled
within the beauties of existence: the love and charity.
It seems there is a darkness that creates a parity
that although it is ironic, maddening and heart-breaking 
somehow has created us. It’s central to our making.

As we ponder now our purpose and prepare to leave this plane,
let’s hope that all we’ve learned in life has not been learned in vain,
and if we do return, we’ll be a blessing to creation—
an agent that builds fairness and beauty and elation.
This perpetual struggle that rips our world apart
perhaps can be solved best by evolution of the heart.
If within we make the progress that we have made without,
strengthen all our hopes and fight the fear and doubt,
we ourselves can be the change we seek within the others
and enemies and rivals can become sisters and brothers.

 

 

The prompt words were ample, mentor, smart and crepuscule. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/rdp-tuesday-post-crepuscule/

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/18/fowc-with-fandango-smart/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/mentor/

https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/ample

The Pontificator

 

IMG_1288

 

The Pontificator

His ego is most copious, but alas, also fragile,
for his imagination is something less than agile.
He’s much given to adages that were coined by another:
prolific writers of the past, his preacher or his brother.
He’s not really a plagiarist. He just forgets the fact
that although he might perform it, he didn’t write the act!
His words, all gloss and polish, are lacking in much worth.
They seem to lack a kernel, though provided with much girth.
For all that they sound pretty—refined to a high gloss,
instead of rarest metal, alas, they’re merely dross.

In short, although they’re polished ’til they sparkle, glitter, gleam,
they ramble on without restraint, sadly lacking a theme.

 

The prompt words today are copious, fragile, gloss and theme. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/rdp-monday-copious
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/17/fowc-with-fandango-fragile
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/gloss/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/theme