Category Archives: humorous poem

Gourmand

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Gourmand

His smile an invitation I could plainly see,
I very promptly answered his implied R.S.V.P.
But later on I wished that I had just let it be,
for that smile was for another girl the minute he had me!

An open invitation is his modus operandi.
Every social gathering provides him more eye candy.
Once seen, a tiny little lick is what he seems to savor.
He likes it when each taste he takes presents a different flavor.

Every toothsome girl he sees stirs his appetite,
and even though his smile suggests he’d like a little bite,
no matter what the tasty dish is that you choose to serve,
you’ll never be a main course, but merely an hors d’oeuvre.

The prompt today was “invitation.”

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Incapable

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jdbphoto

Incapable

Capable? I fear I’m not
for usually, I’m too hot.
Sleeves I do for vanity,
but capes weren’t made for folks like me.
If the capes are long and fem,
I get my heels caught in the hem,
and if they’re roomy and too wide,
I find that I get lost inside.
I get my purse strap tangled in,
the neck tangled around my chin.
The bat wings flap and catch the breeze.
The wool ones make me gasp and sneeze.
So, if you’re a swaddler, leave me be.
I like my torso cover-free.

The prompt word today was capable.

Call to Arms

Things That Cling


Call to Arms

Sweaters do it, slips do it.
Even crackers and clam dips do it.
Let’s do it. I want to cling!!!

Saran wrap was made for it.
Lonely hearts first lust then fade for it.
Just put your arms in a ring.

Hold me and squeeze with them.
I’m the thing that you should seize with them.
Want all the hugs you can bring.

Monkeys in trees do it,
pointer fingers when you sneeze do it.
Let’s do it. Let’s do that thing.

Don’t hesitate o’er it.
Gotta tell you that I adore it.
Let’s do it.  Let’s have a fling!!!

The prompt word today is “cling.”

Off-Kilter

img_2063Nude Descending the Beach. Wall sculpture and photo, jdb

Off-Kilter

Who cares if your bangs are uneven,
your hem hanging down on the left?
If the picture frame’s a bit off-kilter,
who here would feel most bereft?

Who fusses and dithers whenever
the pizza’s unevenly cleft,
or in the new rug he just purchased,
if the warp is not square with the weft?

When it comes to most talents,
he’s not especially deft.
He has little talent at singing,
and he has neither looks, charm nor heft.

Yet if your smile is crooked,
my dear, I fear you are effed.
for with our friend “Even Steven,”
a mil off is as bad as a theft.

 

The prompt today is “uneven.”

Everything Old is New Again

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Everything Old is New Again

To dress passé? A fashion sin,
yet everything old is new again.
So if your dress length’s out of date
all you have to do is wait.
In twenty years, you’ll be in vogue,
in what last year marked you a rogue.

Who dictates fashion is beyond me.
As are those who wait to see
whether ankle, thigh or knee
is where a garment’s end should be
and whether cowl or boat or vee
is the right neckline for the tee

they tuck into their faded jeans—
now ripped and shredded like a dumpster queen’s.

Following fashion’s every word?
I fear I find it most absurd.
I want the knees left in my jeans,
my butt well-covered, by all means.

What clothes you wear should be your passion,
not merely what’s okayed by fashion.
There should be no laws or rules
regarding clothes or hats or jewels
except what shows us who you are.
Each woman her own runway star.

The prompt today is renewal.

Arrive Clapping

Version 2

Arrive Clapping

The prima ballerina, the starlet and the queen
might give the appearance that they’ve neither heard nor seen
the hooting and the hollering, the screams and wild applause
emitted by the hoi polloi with very little cause
except for their appearance on the street or on the stage,
where they put themselves on view like exotics in a cage.
Yet imagine their surprise, not to mention consternation
if even a mere glimpse of them did not prompt an ovation!

 

The prompt today is “Ovation.”

 

Over-enthusiastic

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I bought this cane with a built-in flashlight for my sister when I thought she was going to have knee surgery.  Little did I think that I’d be the one using it! (Her surgery was cancelled.)

 

Over-enthusiastic

My enthusiasm’s quickly fading
as my energy’s abating.
Took a fall this morning, so
I’m getting around mighty slow.
My knee is wrecked, I cannot bend it.
An Ace bandage I’ve found can’t mend it.
My wrist is swollen out an inch.
(Being a klutz is not a cinch.)

I hope I’m better by and by,
but I can’t bear to touch my thigh.
I didn’t see the vacuum cord
there on the floor, and then, oh Lord,
since I was rushing, I took a fall
and now I cannot run at all.
When it comes to walking, I’m a gimp.
I lurch and stumble, sway  and limp.

The only thing I’m grateful for
is how it happened and nothing more.
Two nights I’ve slaved and worked ’til four,
then gone to bed happy but sore.

I’ve painted, cleaned and stowed away
so I’d be ready for this day.
And although I’d had no warning
I’d take a tumble late this morning,

my work’s all done. I’ve trimmed the tree,

and the last thing put away IS ME!

 

The prompt today was enthusiasm.