Another Sunset

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Another Sunset

This bald
 horizon line,
teeth of far-off cliffs.
 
An orange that  hurts, it is so bright—
the face of the sunset
makes its daily pilgrimage.

Only yesterday breathing in a sea.
Today, facing the hard stone 
of an offshore outcropping.

We, the tender-hearted,
wait for you each evening.
We line our hearts up for you. 

Over here, I’m the girl
In red sequins at the front,
waiting for your black velvet brother.

 

WOW #8.  The purpose of this prompt is to white out words in a given passage or poem to create your own piece. I added a few words as well to make the poem mine. Here is the original:

 

February Elegy by Mary Jo Bang
© Mary Jo Bang

This bald year, frozen now in February.
This cold day winging over the ugly
Imperfect horizon line,
So often a teeth line of ten buildings.
A red flag flapping
In the wind. An orange curtain is noon.
It all hurts her eyes. This curtain is so bright.
Here is what is noticeably true: sight.
The face that looks back from the side
Of the butter knife.
A torn-bread awkwardness.
The mind makes its daily pilgrimage
Through riff-raff moments. Then,
Back into the caprice case to dream
In a circle, a pony goes round.
The circle’s association: There’s a center
To almost everything but never
Any certainty. Nothing is
More malleable than a moment. We were
Only yesterday breathing in a sea.
Some summer sun
Asked us over and over we went. The sand was hot.
We were only yesterday tender hearted
Waiting. To be something.
A spring. And then someone says, Sit down,
We have a heart for you to forget. A mind to suffer
With. So, experience. So, the circus tent.
You, over there, you be the girl
In red sequins on the front of a card selling love.
You, over there, you, in black satin.
You be the Maiden’s Mister Death.

9 thoughts on “Another Sunset”

  2. wordwitch88's avatarwordwitch88

    Welcome to WOW Judy 🙂

    I’m so glad you popped in and decided to play along. It’s a wonderful way to create something new from something already in print, so to speak – and well, even though you’ve played a bit outside the rules, as I’ve said throughout to anyone playing, I’m open to whatever happens 😀
    After all, it’s about thinking outside the box and allowing something new to emerge.

    And I have to say, I really am amazed at what you’ve created! I can clearly see what you’ve “chosen” to work with and knew what you had added in (stands to reason, I pick the content and then read all entries) so I have a feel for the pieces – and I LOVE what your particular contribution has added to the pieces of the original! Outstanding – and WOW! (I’m sorry, I get so excited by this whole process and what happens with each person playing – so I’m a bit excited. 😉 ) You’ve added a new dimension to the process that has resulted in something so sublime and beautiful – with elegance and a sensuousness that is soft and enticing. I love each stanza here – and the second one? It so captures the essence of “sunset” – coupled with the image – this is truly amazing. And the metaphors and reflections that are inferred from the poem as a whole add a depth that is welcomed.

    Thanks again for playing WOW 🙂 Hope to see you again 🙂

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    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      What a warm welcome. I love these challenges. Found my way here through someone else who wrote a poem this week and will look for a link to let me know of future challenges. I know how much work this is and I do appreciate your generous comment.

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      1. wordwitch88's avatarwordwitch88

        Hi Judy 🙂 Just glad that you found it.

        There’s no link other than knowing that the post is scheduled to show up on Wednesday mornings – just after midnight (set for the time zone of New York) – or to follow my blog – or follow someone who plays the prompt or …. well, you’re a seasoned blogger so you know how it works.

        I’m glad you enjoyed the prompt and I really loved your personal touch – it truly was/is wonderful 🙂

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