This was something I wrote to a prompt many years ago. The prompt was to write your own fortune cookie fortunes:
13 Unfortunate Fortune Cookie Fortunes (by me)
–Your ingrained habits are not gluten free.
–You will be the life of your friend’s party this weekend when you mistakenly consume gluten and start making rye comments.
–Your mother-in-law will join a motorcycle gang and become your mother-out-law.
–The roots of your problems are showing.
–You will be asked to sing “Hello Jung Lovers” at the next synchronicity symposium you attend.
–Your children are engaged in a conspiracy to turn you into your parents.
–Seventy-six trombones are seventy-five too many.
–Cadets are advised that participating in naval maneuvers will not make your outie an innie.
–The reason why your cat is always trying to trip you is because he does not like your shoos.
–Taking time to smell the roses does not necessarily guarantee that there will be roses to smell.
–At your next poetry reading, you will drop a page of your manuscript on the way to the stage and be requested to remove your feet from the aisle.
–Just because you know how to read a meter does not mean you know how to maintain one.
— At your awards ceremony for being a prolific sperm donor, expect your recipients to give you a standing ovulation.
And One Fortunate One:
–You will outgrow your ingrown toenail.
Image by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash
lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown 
You couldn’t stand it, could you~!
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I must be dense tonight. I can’t understand either your or Bushboy’s comment..Explain?
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My all time favourite is “That wasn’t chicken” 😂
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??? Explain?
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In the early years in Australia when Chinese food was a novelty as were fortune cookies. Quite often there were rumours of certain restaurants used other animals in place of chicken.
Also the thing that any other white meat consumed tasted like chicken.
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Okay.. now I get it. I thought you were referring to one of my fortunes and was trying to figure out what any of them had to do with chicken! Sheesh. When I was in Portuguese Timor, I went to a Christening far up in the mtns, and although they were all eating chicken sate, as a special treat for me, they killed and served a dog! I could not refuse but just took one small bite. Worst thing I’ve ever had to eat. I still shudder.
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That is not a special treat for a guest 🤮
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Try telling them that in Portugese Timor!
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Still makes me shiver
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Me, too.
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I have had dog too, in the North West territories, at an Indian Pow-Wow but did not realize it until it was too late, and many other things too. Roast pig where the pig was not cleaned or gutted. In Guatemala, I was given part of the heart and jowl, in a jungle village, but carefully told them to wrap it in a banana leaf for later. In Honduras, cow utter was a real turn-off because it tasted like milk and they claimed that it was the best cut of the cow. Like you, traveling into out-of-the-way places you had to use finesse at times. I went to the wedding in Coulomb Bischar way down South in the Sahara. The married couple disappeared into the house and the next thing I knew they were waving a bed sheet with what looked like a red blood stain on it out the upper window. All the women in the crowd started that shrill youdle-like noise that they make with their tongues. It has been an interesting sometimes fun life hasn’t it~?
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The same happened in Ethiopia..a friend told me many a newly married couple took a chicken with them into their bridal chamber to cut the throat of to provide the blood that custom said they must display by hanging the nuptial sheet out the window to display the bride’s ruptured virginity.
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Haha! Hilarious ones.
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You will lie on a couch and eat Freud chicken
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Ha…
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Pingback: Was it (or wasn’t it?) – bushboys world
😀 😀
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Thanks for the reblog, Brian.
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LOL – Immediately thought of “Homer Simpson” following fortune cookie wisdom, while in the back of the stock room…..
That said – ate out at one of my fave small, family owned Chinese food restaurants that survived the Covid times, not long ago, cuz sounded good for lunch for my loved one while we were out and about for appointments, too far away to ‘just drive there for lunch” –
Check brought – two wrapped cookies on it – one had gotten smushed/in pieces, but I always let other’s choose first – she mourned the one she chose then noticed, it was ‘broken’ – and I said, “so take the other – makes no never mind to me” and she did, read the fortune inside and said, “This isn’t like me…”
Wait! Wait! Do not despair! Lemme open the one you didn’t choose…..(I read mine) and said, “See? Even if the fortune cookie is broken – this is you “You will bring sunshine into someone’s life’
Then she laughed and said, “You’re right, this one was yours – thanks for letting me have the whole, unbroken cookie…..”
I read the slip she handed to me, “You diligently work for self-improvement and it shows” – sigh – probably not true, but what the heck – I’ll let ya know if the numbers on the back of it mean I just won Powerball – a few weeks back, cuz I wasted $4 to play on the way home, just for fun, while picking up ‘stocking stuffers’ for those who enjoy scratch tickets as a ‘thoughtful gift’ this time of year and just now, remembered, I might want to check to see if I won with those numbers –
But only thought to check it out, sometime, before 180 days are up from about 2 weeks ago – because you posted this blog….Thanks for the Reminder to check before expiration dates play out!
Merry Christmas Judy!
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When are you going to check? Let us know the outcome!!! Feliz Navidad..This seemed less like Christmas than any other Christmas in my life.
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Yeah, me too, but it turned out, sorta okay I guess, until a few months from now, I get told it didn’t work for others – LOL – human stories take a bit to truly play out, overall…LOL
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Those are great jokes. I’m thinking of you telling them as we walk to a meeting at Central High. I see ken T. And Bill du Bois laughing like crazy. Godfrey wants to know what’s so funny before he takes the mike.
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Oh what a great staff that was, huh?
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Indeed it was Id enjoy them more today because today I do not care about my image. I’ve accepted her in all her forms. Oh and I don’t drink, either!
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I certainly don’t drink like we all did back then. Good thing I moved from Cheyenne when I did. That was a hard-drinking crowd that expected you to keep up, round by round. When I went back to visit after a year or two in CA I’d end up with three full drinks lined up in front of me as whoever’s turn it was to pay for drinks always just ordered another for everyone at the table.
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Youth is so resilient. Even after a lot of booze, Id read a chapter in my current book or watch Johnny Carson before turning in. Don’t know how I did it. Or why I was lucky enough to live this long. Yep. Luck is the name of that game.
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Love it!
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Sounds familiar, in some of those places: “two pints” was the limit and so when beer was brought to the table, there were two pints for each person sitting there. We were young and foolish back then Judy~! Unless the table got too full, when it was time to pay the bill they just counted the empty glasses and we paid all at once,
SAM
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