This was something I wrote to a prompt many years ago. The prompt was to write your own fortune cookie fortunes:

                               13  Unfortunate Fortune Cookie Fortunes (by me)

–Your ingrained habits are not gluten free.
–You will be the life of your friend’s party this weekend when you mistakenly consume gluten and start making rye comments.
–Your mother-in-law will join a motorcycle gang and become your mother-out-law.
–The roots of your problems are showing.
–You will be asked to sing “Hello Jung Lovers” at the next synchronicity symposium you attend.
–Your children are engaged in a conspiracy to turn you into your parents.
–Seventy-six trombones are seventy-five too many.
–Cadets are advised that participating in naval maneuvers will not make your outie an innie.
–The reason why your cat is always trying to trip you is because he does not like your shoos.
–Taking time to smell the roses does not necessarily guarantee that there will be roses to smell.
–At your next poetry reading, you will drop a page of your manuscript on the way to the stage and be requested to remove your feet from the aisle.
–Just because you know how to read a meter does not mean you know how to maintain one.
— At your awards ceremony for being a prolific sperm donor, expect your recipients to give you a standing ovulation.

And One Fortunate One:

–You will outgrow your ingrown toenail.

Image by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash