Breath

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Fright Night.” What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Breath

Although it feels to me that my main fear is fear of death,
I think what I really fear is the loss of breath.
For when I have night panics that drive me bolt upright,
it isn’t so much fear of darkness brought on by the night,
as it is my fear of something  cutting off my air.
It  is thoughts of smothering that I cannot bear.

The very thing that makes me fight the snorkel mask and rise
above alluring water worlds for a view of skies
(and all the breaths they bring with them–breaths more easily won
when not underwater, but out here in the sun)
is what causes fear of death––that last futile grasp
to hold on to all of life with one final gasp.

Life is so incredible, I don’t want it to end;
for I have no idea at all what’s waiting round the bend.
At times a flash of memory reveals a bygone life
filled with superstition, violence and strife.
If that is what’s in front of me in a new incarnation,
I’d like to miss out on that life and take a small vacation

from all the karma has in store if my next life is worse,
with no time for leisure––no time for blogs or verse––
then oblivion may not be the worst thing that could be.
Perhaps then I could just accept that there will be no me.
Give in to fate and realize I’m just a part of all.
that recycles and recycles–guided by death’s call.

4 thoughts on “Breath

  1. Tamara Alaine Mitchell

    I’ve had 2 panic attacks in my life. One was when I was scuba diving in the Monterey Bay. It was exactly what you described…the fear that the equipment would fail and I would be deep enough that I couldn’t get right back up to the surface. I felt that I couldn’t breathe and that my wetsuit was pressing on my throat and cutting off my breathing. It was terrifying and I never dove again. Upon reaching the surface, the feeling did not go away even after having unzipped the wetsuit and there was nothing physically around my neck at all. I have in mind how I think I want to die and it will be much more peaceful than drowning at sea….just drift from one world to another on a new adventure. Unlikely to happen that way, but I do understand your terror. It’s not death itself I fear. It is the fear of what those last moments will be like.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. lifelessons Post author

      Yes..It is not that I can’t breathe when i have these attacks. It is that I soon won’t be able to breathe. I need a fan or open air and often open the door or go outside. I haven’t had one in awhile, but I fear suffocation more than almost anything.

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