Death by Wonton

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I’m not quite sure whether people really consider reality shows to be real or not.  Hard for me to believe they would, although taking the present presidential elections into account, I have lowered my expectations of people a good deal.  In my house, however, there is no need for the diversion of viewing other people’s lives, be it Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians.  There is plenty of unexpected activity from day-to-day to keep me as entertained as I care to be.

Take yesterday, for example. I was all ready for my masseuse to arrive for my massage when I realized I had the time wrong and he wouldn’t be there for three more hours. Too long to wait for  lunch as I was already hungry, so I put a bit of hot and sour soup on the stove that was left over from dinner with a friend the night before.  It was meant to have wontons added and I thought instead of boiling them in the broth as I usually did, I’d prepare them as my friend had advised–browning them in a bit of oil, then adding a small bit of water and putting the lid on to steam them.  The problem was that once they were browned, they were so nice and crispy that I didn’t want to limp them up again, so I put them on paper towels to drain the grease off and poured the soup into a bowl.  I’d float a few in the soup and put the remainder of the wontons on a dish to the side.

I tasted  one.  Yum!  As I moved the others to the plate, however, one rolled off the large slotted spoon and landed on the floor.  No problem, I thought, as the floor had just been washed. Perhaps I’d just dust it off and eat it anyway, but as I leaned down to pick it up, I saw a slight movement. It took a minute to register that lying as close as possible to the wonton  was a cockroach, now on it’s back with feet up in the air.  It was then that I realized that when the wonton had fallen, it had fallen directly on the cockroach, knocking it for a loop.  It was just now that it was starting to regain consciousness and its legs waved a bit in the air before I administered final rites by stepping on it.  I then picked up bug and wonton for simultaneous entombment in the garbage can.

It was then that the utter absurdity of death by wonton hit me.  Did it seem an appropriate death?  It was not usual for a roach to venture out into the light of day.  This one must have been led to its sad demise by an overwhelming love of wonton–its aroma as it bubbled in the hot grease just so irresistible that it overrode the roach’s usual schedule of secretive midnight meanderings.  It died considering doing something it loved to do––namely, to mount and have its way with any food it might find in its path, making it useless for human consumption.  What irony that in its final act of culinary terrorism, for once the food got the better of it.

Death by wonton.  Not a bad way to go.

29 thoughts on “Death by Wonton”

    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      It is sooooo cheap and he is sooooooo good. I really do think he is a healer as well as a body worker. And one and a half hours in your own home is only $24 U.S.!!!! If I didn’t have a hand and arm massage for 15 minutes of that time every week, I don’t think I’d be doing this blog, as my hands and arms would be so painful it would be impossible. As it is, I don’t cramp up or get arthritic symptoms. Same with my feet. He really is a miracle worker.

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      1. anglogermantranslations's avataranglogermantranslations

        I interpret it as a spin on Gregor Samsa. If Kafka had known about wontons, he might have chosen this unhappy ending to Metamorphosis.

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    2. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      And, P.S. I have slapped la cucarachas with my shoe and not killed them..probably due to the fact that I wear crocs every day, but it was amazing to me that a wonton, no matter how crispy or well-filled it was, could have had that effect. Truth to tell, though, it only stunned the roach. I did the rest of the dirty deed–stepping upon instead of slapping at.

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  4. slmret's avatarslmret

    I really laughed at this one! I lived in Honolulu for 5 years, and cockroaches were the bane of every household. We sprayed grocery bags as soon as they were empty — that seemed to help, but heaven help the roach that outlived the spray and poked its head out to devour the food that dropped on the floor!

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    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      I know people must be shocked, but it is a way of life in the tropics and subtropics. I hate to spray because I think the spray is more harmful than the bugs. All food just needs to be put away and no dirty dishes left in the sink. We use an insecticide floor wash once a month, but I hate using it. It smells horrible and I worry about the dogs licking stuff off the floor.

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  5. hirundine608's avatarhirundine608

    My first encounter with a cockroach, was in the Philippines recently. … and they creep the beejaysus outa’ me. Wonton’s are usually made with pig’s flesh. Known as pork and ground. Now there’s a demise for ya”. Cheers Jamie.

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    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      I guess just heavy enough.. Perhaps he had been slowed down already by the insecticide in the washwater when we mopped yesterday morning, but he was definitely bopped and was a bit stunned. The wonton was deep fried so the shell was hard. Can you believe we are having this conversation Calen????

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  11. Leland Olson Hoel's avatarLeland Olson Hoel

    I would say better death by Wonton than pointy toed high-heeled shoe in the corner, where Mr. cockroach and no escape. He actually chose his demise very thoughtfully, I would say.
    I was just ready to dig into a jumbo Mexican combination plate in Tucumcari, NM one time. My lettuce on the side of the plate started to move, thought I may be having some type of a seizure. My eyes not focusing, big old cockroach climbed up out of the lettuce, jumped down onto the floor and ran back into the kitchen where he grew up. Looked like he was wearing a hard hat!

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