Love Song of a Pessimistic Spouse
Look before you leap. Run with scissors pointed down.
Stay away from drafts, dear, when in your dressing gown.
Careful on the the stairs, don’t hasten your descent.
Don’t turn on the gas without opening the vent.
Put alcohol on cuts and scrapes, mercurochrome on splinters.
Drive slowly during rainstorms and use chains during winters.
Death is always lurking and I fear that you are jaded
thinking life’s perpetual when in fact it’s dated.
There are way too many dangers to sweep us from our feet,
so always look both ways when you cross a busy street.
Remember, dear, you’re not alone. Your “I” turned into “we”
the day that we were married for perpetuity.
Life is a roulette wheel. Take care not to spin it.
Life wouldn’t be much fun, dear, if you were not in it.