The Year They Outlawed Chocolate
The Year they outlawed chocolate in our village was calamity.
It might have trimmed our waistlines, but it did not promote amity.
Former cheery citizens, lacking its sweet delight,
commenced to back-biting when they had nothing sweet to bite.
The town jail quickly filled right up with chocolate-smugglers and
little grannies in aprons who forgot chocolate was banned.
Young kids wound up in juvie just for shooting M&Ms.
Chocolate-loving parsons sat in jail cells humming hymns.
Cocoa went undercover and fudge went on the skids.
Moms had to resort to feeding apples to their kids!
We were all in mourning, yet the mayor was resolute.
With the whole town in withdrawal, he didn’t give a hoot!
In the end, townspeople voted to freeze the salaries
of councilmen and mayor who had voted to freeze calories.
So politicians changed their minds, reversing chocolate bans
by commissioning the blacksmith to forge three giant pans
and then they used his ovens to create colossal brownies—
enough to furnish chocolate for all the pissed-off townies.
“No Chocolate Allowed” signs were defaced and taken down,
making the perfect kindling for bonfires all over town.
The very air was sweet the night that chocolate was unbanished!
Hostess Cupcakes had to do when brownies quickly vanished.
Strings of lights and fireworks lit the evening air
as townfolk used hot cocoa to wash down their last eclair.
When they ran out of Hershey bars, at first they were aghast,
until Snickers bars ran rampant and Kit Kat bars were passed.
It was a bonbon orgy, a candy jubilee
The day the politicians set chocoholics free!