If you read all or part of Innocents in Mexico, It would be a tremendous help for me if you would answer the below questions and also make any suggestions of your own re/ how to make the book better.
- Was the introductory chapter sufficient or do you feel you need a better introduction of the characters?
2. What specific information do you wish had been included in the first chapter?
3. Were the chapters dealing with driving down to Mexico interesting? Any details you wish had been left out?
4. What character do you wish you knew more about in the story?
5. Was anything unclear to you? What details were unclear or insufficient?
6. Would you read another book that took the story from this point?
7. If you hadn’t already read my writing or known me, would you still have kept on reading this book?
8. If you lost interest, at what point was this?
9. Is the book long enough?
10. If I were to write an entire book about one character in Innocents in Mexico, what character would you want that to be?
11. What further comments do you have about the book?
12. Did you read the entire book? If not, which chapters did you read and why did you stop?
13. Would you recommend this book to friends?
14. Who do you think the audience would be for this book?
Thanks for completing this questionnaire. I’m going to choose one person who has written the most helpful comments and I’ll send them a book when it is in print… Or if you prefer, send them to my email at jubob2@hotmail.com
lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown 
I am planning to read all of the chapters in one go, so I will keep these questions in mind as I am reading and comment later.
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Thanks so much. That would be a tremendous help!
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Hi Judy – great post today, plus the earlier chapters. I am, however, confused. I thought there were two books – the first one to be your journeys to getting settled in Mexico and the second one to focus on your life there as an ex-pat. Entries like this wonderful vignette of yours: https://wp.me/p2Ks6Z-CkW
And this one, too: https://wp.me/p2Ks6Z-Cjx
I adore your title “Innocents in Mexico,” BTW. Anyway, are you still going to write the ex-pat experience as a separate book?
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You are right…Originally, I had compiled three books, one of which has already been published. It dealt with my husbands illness, death and my first few years in Mexico, but mainly as how I dealt with his death in those years. Another was compiled from journals I wrote on our initial trip down and the San Miguel portion. This was what I just published in the blog, chapter by chapter. The third book dealt with getting ready to come back down to Mexico, our discovery that Bob had cancer, his death and my life here in Mexico–but not specifically about dealing with his loss. It is more about my settling in and various intrigues that continued to mount during my first 8 years or so here. It has been written but not published and I’m trying to figure out whether they are really three books or rather one that needs to be shuffled together. Thanks for asking!!!
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Yes. “Natural Rhythms” is in the second book. The San Antonio piece was written at a much later date, but makes me wonder how many books are actually here–or if at least two of them should be joined…I really appreciate your comments and they opened up a whole new area of possibilities… Judy
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Hi Judy – thanks so much for both of your replies to my comments. I frankly thought I was losing it. To be honest, I’d happily read everything you write, anything you write. Let me think some more about how to cogently reply to your survey questionnaire. Take care and keep ’em coming.
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Just sanded the tip of mny finger on mny belt sander and the bandage types two keys at once. Can you tell which finger from the above? So won’t be doing much typing…
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Oh dear! And has your leg healed from that ugly abrasion? I think we need to wrap you in bubble wrap. Amazon delivers there, yes? Do take care!
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I’m still half way through. I’ll share my thoughts after I’ve read all the chapters.
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#1 and 2: It is obvious that Mexico was Bob’s idea, but what was the reason for it?
#4 and 10: Bearcat, of course. Why the name? Where and how did you get him, etc.
#6 and 7: definitely.
#12 and 13: yes.
I have no further comments, other than to wish you good luck with publishing it, dear Judy.
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Rather than answer your specific questions, let me give you some constructive criticism as if I were your literary editor:
You need more introductory information about Judy and Bob to get us to care about them. Build them up, whether in Chapter One or piecemeal, but help us get vested in their success early on. I think your original audience was people who already knew you. Assume your new, book audience will be strangers.
Some of the earlier chapters tell us lots about the travel circumstances but not enough about how they affect your characters.
Because you were writing these chapters as they happened, the story doesn’t have a clearly defined arc as it would if you were writing it as a book.
Because I know how the story “ended,” with Bob’s death, I kept waiting for some clue about that. Perhaps you need to keep going and tell us that he died and that you came down anyway. That ending would be a better segue to a second book.
If you plot out the story as a book, perhaps you would choose to edit out part of the drive down, or some of the repetitive house-hunting days in San Miguel. (Was that diplomatic enough?)
I’m going to assume that most of your responses will tell you it’s all wonderful and you shouldn’t change a thing. I think it’s all wonderful, but wonderful notes for you to refer to in writing your actual book.
See you for lunch on Thursday. Where you can pelt me with stale rolls if you want. But what good are yes-friends when you want honest feedback?
Sheila
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I love the story, but I soon got lost in all the names of all the people which made me think it might be maybe a good idea to look at this as a story not a diary — the key point to the whole thing might be that both you and Bob had lost your moms and had inherited money.
When I read memoirs for the contest, the ones that win (and not only based on my judging) are those where the author finds the story in the jumble of life events. That makes a strong memoir because the reader is an outsider and needs to be invited in and offered a little focus. The people in a strong memoir are turned into characters. From the outside looking in, I see an older couple, the partners love each other, they are retiring from (it’s not clear from what you and Bob retired), hitting the road with some money to buy property, and a decision to live in Mexico. You know Bob and Judy but the reader doesn’t.
Bearcat is an awesome character.
Some of your readers might never have driven in Mexico. More description of the roads might be entertaining. I know when I headed south from Puerto Peñasco with a truck and trailer, the highway soon turned to dirt and along the sides of the dirt road were those old-style black, spherical flaming markers. There were also cops. Other adventures driving in Mexico involved breaking down and being rescued by Los Angeles Verdes.
I hope this is helpful. I like the story and it’s definitely worth telling.
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Thanks so much for your comment, I have an injured finger so finding 9 fingered typing hard,,,,more later,,,
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OW! 9 finger typing IS hard. ❤️
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P.S. I was thinking later that Judy and Bob could talk to each other directly. It’s an energetic way to build and move a narrative. The climax is up to you — could be finding the house. The other is that you find your house, you’re ready to make the move and you lose Bob. That’s heart-breaking and carries a powerful message. 💔
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I delayed reading until now, partly because of time, and partly because I could see that I would want to read fairly quickly so as to see the story. Will do that now, knowing that you’ve come to a stopping point, and comment when I finish!
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xoxoox
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I love it. The chapters in Mexico and your observations are enchanting and interesting. I still have a few chapters to go, but I thought I will give you some feedback now. Here are my answers to your questions:
1/2 Although interesting to me, it read like a diary and perhaps too many details of things that are happening in the moment, but no emotion, background, or understanding of who you are and why are you going to Mexico . The chapters in Mexico are very interesting and maybe you can draw the reader in by starting in a patio or cafe in Mexico and pivot back to introduce the characters and events in a more storied way. Maybe make chapter 1 into two chapters so it is less dense with information? You may have more time to introduce where you are going in Mexico and how you came to find the place you are going to. Is it because it’s a place popular with western artists? How did you hear about it? WHat led up to the decision to go there? Compared to the time you took to describe events, people, and situations in Mexico, this chapter felt a bit dense and rushed at the same time as if you were hurrying to get going and get to Mexico. Maybe if you start in MExico, you won’t be in such a rush?
3. I liked the drive down. If you have more details, sights, smells, and sounds to add, it will not hurt.
4. What character do you wish you knew more about in the story? I loved the encounter with Ernesto. I also loved the moment that Bob turned around to love the place.
5. Was anything unclear to you? What details were unclear or insufficient? I am not sure that we knew what your destination in Mexico was. I may have missed it though.
6. Yes
7. Hard to unknow what you know, but I think I would
8. If you lost interest, at what point was this. I am not done yet. I am in Chapter 14 and I think it gets better as I go.
9. Is the book long enough? I’m in CHapter 14 and so far the pace and length seems fine.
10. If I were to write an entire book about one character in Innocents in Mexico, what character would you want that to be? Hard to say, so far the combination of characters seem to work, although I would like to know more about Bob’s character and yours.
11. What further comments do you have about the book? You seem to find your sense of humour when talking about the cat, but you are holding back a bit on other things. Ask yourself why.
12. Yes
13. Probably
14. Snowbirds for sure, but I wouldn’t restrict it to them. I read A Year in Provence with no intentions of buying a house in France and enjoyed it.
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Thanks… No, I hadn’t read your comments yet as they came a few days after the others. Thanks for reminding me to come back and check again. Your comments are very helpful and echo other comments and what I was expecting readers to say. I really have three manuscripts that I somehow need to shuffle together and I suspect I may wind up with two books instead o three. Again, I really appreciate the time you took in commenting!!!
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Glad it was helpful! I enjoyed reading the chapters at one go and I think that whatever you choose to do, you will end up with a good book. Or two. Or three 🙂
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;O)
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I need to refresh myself on the text before doing this justice. Will follow later
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1. The use of the word characters raises the question of what kind of a book is this? Memoir? Autobiography? You may be interested in Dirk Bogarde’s series beginning with https://derrickjknight.com/2018/10/14/a-postillion-struck-by-lightning/ Excellent as these were, I’m not sure he had worked this out.
2. Leaving questions appeals to me so I am happy with the amount of information. Maybe an introductory preface with pen pictures of you and Bob would answer any need for more.
3. These were very interesting.
4. None.
5. Finding a previous tenant in situ raised a question which we addressed in comments.
6. Yes – because I know how rich your life has been there. Maybe there would be room for that in the preface mentioned above,
7. Probably not, but then I wouldn’t have started. As you know I have too many unread books.
8. I didn’t
9. Each chapter as a blog post was too long only because I read so many. The Bogarde series would have made more sense as a coherent whole – there would have been less repetition. As a single volume yours would be a perfect length.
10. You. The whole thing with an emphasis on your feelings and impact of your experiences.
11. Your poetic prose and descriptive powers combined with your sense of humour and insights into humanity would appeal to anyone interested in serious literature. Your photography would illustrate the work well – depending, of course, on publication costs.
12. I did.
13. Yes.
14. I would think it would appeal to a wide range of people of varying ages. There is the adventure; the reasons for going and for staying; the absorption of another culture; the Mexico story.
Yes, I know I am biased.
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Thanks, Derrick, for the work you put into your replies. And, thanks for being biased!!
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this as a single work, and am glad I waited to read all the ‘chapters’ together rather than as individual chapters. Having said that, I have a number of questions and thoughts that I think might make it stronger:
1/2 Introduction: This reads as a diary rather than a memoir. It also needs a stronger introduction to explain who you are, what was your life like in California, and why you wanted to leave. Then why did you choose Mexico? And somewhere an explanation of the title, with comments on your reactions to what you learned, what you would suggest to others doing the same thing, etc. — the second part of this could be short comments throughout or a final chapter.
3/4 As new characters are introduced, a brief description of how they fit into the story would be helpful — and would add to the cohesiveness of the chapters.
6 See concluding comments below.
7/12 As much as I enjoyed reading this, I think part of that is because I knew parts of the story and this filled in some of the blanks — I’m not sure I would have read it without a strong cover description. In this format, I did read the entire ‘book’.
10 I think this might be long enough IF it was fleshed out considerably as described above. See also Concluding comments below for further thoughts on expanding the scope of the book.
11 See concluding comments below.
13/14 I think the ideal audience for this book would be those who are considering a similar move. Having said that, I would recommend the book to friends, but I think not if they were not considering such a move.
Concluding Comments / I would seriously consider reformatting the book to 2 or even 3 parts — first an expanded introduction (see #1/2 above), then the drive south, with more detail, and third, the first hotel night before you got to San Miguel. The second part would then be the hunt for the house, and perhaps a third part that would describe settling in to the house, and maybe even bringing the reader up to date with changes to the house, meeting the people, etc. That could all be included in a single book.
I think it’s important that you tie the “chapters” in this series together and include your impressions of Mexico, and of what makes the title appropriate. To a large extent, as I read it, I felt that the ‘chapters’ were more vignettes that could have happened in any location. The chapters would make a superb basis for a longer work — I’m not sure they would sell as they are now.
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You are right on all counts, Janet. Thanks for your thoughtful comments..You will like the second book better, I think..And, I think weaving in some facts of who we are and past actions and reasons for heading South could be worked in as conversation or my thoughts in the van as we are driving down..Just need to think how to shuffle the three books together..
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