“Kitchen Cruelty” For NaPoWriMo 2024, Day 10

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“Woman sentenced to 5 years Expulsion from Kitchen for Cruelty to Kohlrabi”

Concerning cruelty to food, I’m worthy of your jeers.
I’ve tortured tortellini and brought green onions to tears.
I’ve chopped heads off of celery, gored eyes out of potatoes,
cut kernels off of ears of corn and boiled live tomatoes.
Shredded parmesan and Julienned countless bell peppers,
minced salmon into balls and rolled pancakes into crepers.
I’m guilty of the boiling of innocent spaghetti
and of wielding blade to chop a cabbage into fine confetti.
I am a kitchen torturer of unthinkable portions,
stretching bread dough into the most grotesque contortions.
I never met a batter that I didn’t want to beat,
so if edible, it’s best you stage a fast retreat
or in my oven or my stove, I’ll find a way to heat you,
In short, if you are edible, I”ll find a way to eat you!

For NaPoWriMo Day 10

This entry was posted in Humor, Poem and tagged , , on by .
Unknown's avatar

About lifelessons

My blog, which started out to be about overcoming grief, quickly grew into a blog about celebrating life. I post daily: poems, photographs, essays or stories. I've lived in countries all around the globe but have finally come to rest in Mexico, where I've lived since 2001. My books may be found on Amazon in Kindle and print format, my art in local Ajijic galleries. Hope to see you at my blog.

24 thoughts on ““Kitchen Cruelty” For NaPoWriMo 2024, Day 10”

  2. Irene's avatarIrene

    After reading how fungi and trees communicate underground, and other plant curiosities, as a gardener and cook, I try to treat my veggies with respect. And as my omnivorous, mostly carnivorous, daughter says, “at least I know my steak is dead”.

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  8. lillian's avatarlillian

    Laughing out loud….literallly. This is hilarious! YOU ROCKED the prompt! I too really enjoyed this and finally got mine up….used what I think must have been an ad for breakfast cereal in 1910? What a great prompt, right?

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    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      It was but I thought I was never going to find one I could write to. How many did you read before finding one? About to read yours now. Thanks for the lovely comment.

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  10. Unknown's avatarAnn Garcia

    Ann Garcia is also a vegetable killer. Why? I took Jack n the Beanstalk seriously

    Better chop em down before they are out of sight and competing with the international space station.

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