Category Archives: humorous poem

Good Sport

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Good Sport

Although he’s just a featherweight with arms and legs like sticks,
he survives all the scrimmages— the shoving and the kicks.
He’s always game to play the sport in any sort of weather,
with his helmet duct taped to his head and gaiters of fine leather.
He’ll show up to participate whenever they might please
with elbow guards and shoulder pads and cushions on his knees.
Every game he joins his teammates in the dugout trench,
where though they never let him play, he’s faithful to the bench.
And no matter how much they may  laugh and jeer and chide and tease,
When it’s time for the team photo, he’ll turn up and mutter, “Cheese!”

Cheese, feather and game are the haunted wordsmith’s prompts today. Here is the link:
https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/three-things-challenge-18-sept-2018/

Within


Within

Now that we’re approaching the crepuscule of our lives,
memories swarm through our minds like bees working their hives.
We hope that we are smarter and the young ones that we’ve mentored
have been better off for it— directed and more centered.
Now that we’ve had ample time to get ourselves on track,
let’s hope a bit sticks with us if in fact we wander back.
Perhaps those rare wise children who are born into their lives
able to cut through knowledge like butter cut by knives
are only remembering the lessons of their past,
and unlike all the rest of us have wisdom that can last.

Perhaps we call them wunderkinder, prodigies or sages,
marveling at that knowledge which belies their tender ages.
Whether these intuitions are a blessing or a curse
depends on if they use them for better or for worse.
We can’t dispute the forces that balance out our world—
that nucleus of evil that seems securely curled
within the beauties of existence: the love and charity.
It seems there is a darkness that creates a parity
that although it is ironic, maddening and heart-breaking 
somehow has created us. It’s central to our making.

As we ponder now our purpose and prepare to leave this plane,
let’s hope that all we’ve learned in life has not been learned in vain,
and if we do return, we’ll be a blessing to creation—
an agent that builds fairness and beauty and elation.
This perpetual struggle that rips our world apart
perhaps can be solved best by evolution of the heart.
If within we make the progress that we have made without,
strengthen all our hopes and fight the fear and doubt,
we ourselves can be the change we seek within the others
and enemies and rivals can become sisters and brothers.

 

 

The prompt words were ample, mentor, smart and crepuscule. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/rdp-tuesday-post-crepuscule/

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/18/fowc-with-fandango-smart/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/18/mentor/

https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/ample

The Pontificator

 

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The Pontificator

His ego is most copious, but alas, also fragile,
for his imagination is something less than agile.
He’s much given to adages that were coined by another:
prolific writers of the past, his preacher or his brother.
He’s not really a plagiarist. He just forgets the fact
that although he might perform it, he didn’t write the act!
His words, all gloss and polish, are lacking in much worth.
They seem to lack a kernel, though provided with much girth.
For all that they sound pretty—refined to a high gloss,
instead of rarest metal, alas, they’re merely dross.

In short, although they’re polished ’til they sparkle, glitter, gleam,
they ramble on without restraint, sadly lacking a theme.

 

The prompt words today are copious, fragile, gloss and theme. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/rdp-monday-copious
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/17/fowc-with-fandango-fragile
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/gloss/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/17/daily-addictions-2018-week-37/theme

 

Good Taste

Good Taste

It was an ongoing debate
that never tended to abate.
One friend was too prone to oration
concerning the education
of her friend much given to
items that were too frou-frou:
clothing full of frills and ruching,
fluffy pillows good for smooshing,
carved furniture too ornate.
She feared bad taste would be her fate
forever unless she stepped in 
to counteract what might have been. 

She tried to teach her friend restraint
in ornaments and clothes and paint.
She tended to excoriate
items that were too ornate, 
curbing her psychedelic bent
while showing her what Bauhaus meant.
She declared ruffled skirts too silly,
weeding out what was too frilly.
And though her friend declared it wasteful, 
she threw out all that was not tasteful.
Ignoring her friend’s deep depression
as she culled out each possession.


She honed her house goods, cleared her shelves,

deprived her yard of frogs and elves.
Gave her flamingos to Good Will,
banned nicknacks on her window sill.
So finally, when she was through
relieving her of garish hue,
replacing all her things with new,
the friend knew what she had to do.
Her belongings spare, her wardrobe small,
her house was sparse, from wall-to-wall.
The most that she could say of it
was it was tasteful, but lacking wit.

‘Til when the culling was all ended,
the one thing left that still offended
was the friend who had advised her.
By the end, how she despised her.
So, with her training in good taste,
she acted now in confidant haste.
She first picked up, quickly upending
one last thing that needed tending—
dragged it clear across the floor
and tossed it out of her front door.
And that is how it came to pass
she pitched her friend out on her ass!

For more examples of extreme bad taste, go to A Visit to the Weird.

For Daily Addictions: Ornate.

Not Prone to Marry

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Not Prone to Marry

I am a happy spinster—a perpetual “Miss.”
I cannot fathom sinking into a passioned kiss.
I am without an anchor. Obligations have I few.
No imperious husband tells me what to do.

I have no need to ferret out the reasons why I’m single.
It’s not for hate of men and I am not loath to mingle.
I simply like my privacy, have no need for a kid.
While others chose to say “I do,” I simply never did.

 

The prompt words today are fathom, anchor, imperious and ferret. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/rdp-sunday-fathom/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/16/fowc-with-fandango-anchor/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/16/imperious/ 
http://www.inlinkz.com/new/view.php?id=797445 ferret

Waiting for the Prompt


Waiting for the Prompt

This poem is sort of slapdash, for the prompt came in too late.
By the time that it was posted, I was running for the gate.
I had to grab my car keys and then the birthday cake,
lock up after the painters and one more phone call make.

It was my neighbor’s birthday. We were going out to lunch
and to hear some mariachis with a most congenial bunch.
We feasted on tamales and chiles en nogada
in between our lively rounds of “Yada, yada, yada.”

Movies, books and U.F.O.’s were topics of our pleasure,
and then of course some politics were thrown in for good measure.
All in all a lovely time with friends, music and food,
and a few rounds of tequila to lighten up our mood.

When I got home, I checked it out, but still no prompt was posted.
and that is why, my friends, the tardy prompter’s being roasted.
“Prompt” means “on time,” I think that we all have to agree.
So I find the fact it’s “late” to be the final irony!

 

(All meant in good fun.) The RDP prompt today, too late to be in my combined poem, was “slapdash.”  Here is their link: https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/15/rdp-saturday-slapdash/

New Bachelor in the Neighborhood

 

New Bachelor in the Neighborhood

Eccentric little ladies bring him grubby little pies
and their dead husbands’ left-overs: their suit coats and their ties.
Their hopes that he will fill them is literally factual.
Their need for a fresh husband is absolutely actual.
As they woo him with their chicken soup, they tease with fading eyes,
flaunting assorted figures of every shape and size.
In caftans or in aprons, in capris that are disarming,
they troop up his front sidewalk in numbers most alarming.
When one attempts to pass by with footsteps that are swift,
another elbows her aside, starting an ugly rift.
They’ve been neighbors for a lifetime and best friends for most of it,
but this new man in the neighborhood seems to make toast of it.
He cowers behind his pulled-tight drapes, not wanting to look out.
He cannot face another pie, let alone another bout.
He grasps the want ads in his fist, retreating to his study.
He’ll find another rental or move in with a buddy.
He tries to move without a sound. He’s bolted tight the door.
He hears their voices on his porch—each minute there are more.
Somebody should have warned him—kindly clued him in
about what happens to widows too long deprived of men!

The word prompts today are grubby, tease, eccentric and swift. Here are the links:

 

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/14/friday-rdp-grubby/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/14/fowc-with-fandango-tease/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/14/eccentric/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/09/daily-addictions-2018-week-36/swift

A Misanthropic Anti-Creed

 

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The assignment was to write a 6-line alphabet poem that started each line with a letter of the alphabet in a 6-letter sequence.  I.E. abcdef, qrstuv, etc.  Being a creature of excess, I used the entire alphabet, forwards and backwards, ending with a final Z to boot, since the title began with an “A.”  Please note that this is the cynical rant of a misanthrope—not necessarily my own view.  And this is the only photo I could find in my album that smacked of high society.  Actually, it’s a photo of me and my date for the junior prom.

A Misanthropic Anti-creed

After all is said and done,
brotherhoo is not much fun.
Cliques are just a machination
Dumbing down imagination. 
Each misanthrope must find his own
Final method to disown
Galas thrown to feed the poor
Hawking excesses they abhor.
In jewels, ladies you could die of,
Jostling to catch the eye of
Kings of minor countries or
Lords who are the things of lore.
Meanwhile, gents in tux and tie
Nod to try to catch the eye
Of that next lady in Dior
Possessed of means to feed the poor.
Quickened now, they move to kill,
Ready to restore their till.
Society’s main charity
Trying for a parity
Under the understanding that
Verisimilitude is boring.
What’s important is just scoring
Xcess being all the norm
Yielding to those who most conform.
Zero, then, goes to the poor.
You must admit, they are a bore.
Xtravagence is what they come for.
Widows they won’t waste a crumb for.
Very likely that the starving
Urgently needing  this feast’s carving
Taste not one small bite of it,
Still hungry now in spite of it.
Rich charity spends what’s allowed on
Quality that draws the crowd on.
Pheasant under glass costs more.
Only beans left for the poor. 
Not a charitable hope
Mars ponderings of our misanthrope.
Let not one charitable thought
Knit his brow.With doubts it’s fraught.
Jarring thoughts are all he thinks
In between ironic winks.
Hear well the stories he might tell—
Gory threats of burning hell
For that well-heeled society
Eating up the profits of
Doubtful fund raisers of love.
“Charitize” to feed the poor,
But really serve their own needs more.
Ask the misanthrope at the door.
Zero is left to feed the poor!!!!

The dVerse Poets prompt is to write a 6 line alphabet phone, using 6 letters in sequence to begin lines.  Here is the link: https://www.blenza.com/linkies/links.php?owner=dversepoets&postid=12Sep2018&meme=12493

On the Bottle

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On the Bottle

Even though the likelihood I’ll do so might diminish,
the few times  I’ve been tipsy, I’ve still made it to the finish.
And though the fact I crawled the last few blocks made me most pensive,
you must admit my efforts to get home were comprehensive!

Okay, here are the real prompts for today: comprehensive, tipsy, diminish

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/09/fowc-with-fandango-comprehensive/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/09/tipsy/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/diminish

Lazy Man’s Creed

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Lazy Man’s Creed

How I loathe a hard day’s labor at the furrow or the stile.
It makes me cross and angry. I become volatile!
A sage once gave me this advice: what’s earned will serve thee best,”
but I quipped back with, “Any labor undone is the best!”

The prompt words today were labour, loathe, sage and volatile. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/03/rdp-monday-prompt-labour/

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/03/fowc-with-fandango-loathe/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/03/volatile/volatile

https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/sage