Today’s NaPoWriMo challenge is write a charm – a simple rhyming poem, in the style of a recipe/nursery rhyme. It could be a charm against warts, or against traffic tickets. It could be a charm to bring love, or to bring free pizzas from your local radio station. I’ve decided to give a recipe to dispel the pain of an unfaithful lover.
Unlove Spell
For relief from suffering and a cure for love,
pluck a feather from a dying dove.
Press the feather in a hemlock crotch,
then fill a cauldron with his favorite scotch.
Wait for dark and stormy weather
to stew the hemlock crotch and feather.
Then add as listed all given below,
stirring steady with flame turned low.
Write your lover’s entire name
over and over and over again,
then shred this page of purple prose
with a thorn you’ve pried from a withered rose.
Add the paper, shred on shred,
recalling what he’s done and said.
Cast in the pot, till your mind is freed,
each slight recalled, each dreadful deed.
Add a patch you’ve torn from his favorite chair
and a single strand of his pubic hair,
wedding pictures of Niagara,
nose trimmers, hair dye and Viagra.
Add his hernia girdle and knee-length socks,
his shoes, his T-shirts and his jocks.
Cut all his pants off at the knees
and add them to his soggy T’s.
Stir the cauldron round and round.
If music’s playing, turn up the sound.
Sing along to the lyrics of
song after song of broken love.
“Don’t come home a cheatin’ with a lovin’ on your mind.”
Let these lyrics fill your thoughts—or others of their kind.
Call his mother on the phone. Say what he’s done to you.
Record her comments, rip out the tape, and add it to the brew.
Call all his girlfriends, all his buddies, everyone on your block,
Tell them that he’s impotent and has a little cock.
Write a note of what you’ve done and tape it to the pot.
Turn off the flame. Walk out the door. Forget the whole damn lot!!!
lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown 
GAWD, Judy, you made me laugh. The things you added to your brew are powerful good fun…”and has a little c…” is about the worst thing you can say about a man, so I wonder if your male readers will find this as funny as I do. I also loved intimate details of his clothing: such manly items as “hernia girdle” and “knee length socks.” I think most of us have been scorned, and this poem could actually work as a powerful potient to get any maiden over her heart-sickness. Once she laughs, she will be well on the way to recovery. Well done!
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Yes, it was fun to write and I had no one special in mind, by the way. By the end of it, I was thinking she was lucky to be rid of this guy and hope she felt the same. Actually, I’m sure by the time he read this, the guy was very ready to be rid of her as well. Ah well, on to the next love affair.
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“had no one special in mind” – I’m SO happy (relieved) to hear that!
Ann – I found it just as funny as you did, although I did find the need to cross my legs a couple times.
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Yes, well, there are advantages and disadvantages to being a man.
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Very good! I’ll have to make a note of this and start sourcing ingredients. 😉
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Certainly, some will be easier to collect than others.
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Very funny. I especially love the references to an aging lover…hahaha! Thank goodness I can’t relate to the need for vengeance or making such a brew. Knock on wood.
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Luckily, neither do I. It was an assignment and that was what popped up. My evil sister wrote it. Thanks for reading and commenting, Tamara. There will be a new poem every day for a month.
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I love it when evil sisters write! This made both Ted and I lol. Especially the pubic hair couplet.
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Pingback: “Charmed” | lifelessons – a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown
I once put (a LONG LONG LONG TIME AGO) put sugar in an ex’s gas tank. It seemed the easiest of all incantations. It worked. I had to go pick him up when his car died (oops).
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Ha. I knew you were a devil, Marilyn!!
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Love the way you play with word, Judy! Great fun.
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