Dear Housemates

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DEAR HOUSEMATES

Literate for a Day: Someone or something you can’t communicate with through writing (a baby, a pet, an object) can understand every single word you write today, for one day only. What do you tell them?

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Dear Morrie:
*Do not poop in the house!!!
*Do not poop in your cage!!!
*Do not poop on the terrace!!!
*Do poop in one place in the lower garden where Frida and Diego do!
*But, thanks for finally learning how to go into your cage even before I put a dog biscuit in the far end of it.
*Thanks for being so sweet and cuddly and adorable that I cannot help but forgive you for your numerous sins.

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Dear Frida:
*Do not bark incessantly every time the garage door goes up!!!
*Do not bark incessantly every time I come to feed you!!!
*But, thanks for never coming into the house without being asked.
*Thanks for never (hardly ever) getting into the organic garbage I save for Yolanda’s pig.

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Dear Diego:
*Give this constant tussling and growling with Morrie a rest!!!
*Do not head straight for the organic garbage can every time you enter the house!!!
*Never ever again eat six raw pork chops from the skillet on a night guests are coming for dinner.
*Never ever again grab an entire cooked chicken off the counter top and head for the door on a night there is a guest for dinner!!!
*Never ever again grab and consume three-quarters of a cooked loin roast off the kitchen counter top.
*But, thanks for taking Morrie down for a potty break in the garden every night at midnight.
*Thanks for training Morrie not to come into the house until asked.

To all Three Perros:

*I’m sorry for all the nights I’ve gotten home late to feed you.
*I’m sorry for all the times I’ve embarrassed you (and Larry) in front of the neighbors by yelling louder than you to “STOP BARKING!!!!”
*I’m sorry for never taking you on walks anymore (because you disjointed my arm the last time I did.)

I guess, like most disfunctional families, we will put up with each other in spite of our drawbacks of character and performance.

––Love, Mother

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Dear Housemates”

  1. Scott's avatarScott

    Ha Ha. Well done. You and I are both aware that everyone knew the rules before you so gently repeated them. But it is inconvenient to have to go some place special to poop. It’s so much easier to pretend they didn’t know.

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  2. Marilyn Armstrong's avatarMarilyn Armstrong

    You mean … you fed them LATE? Were they falling over from weakness, the poor lambs? We are so bullied by our pups. Have they thanked YOU for building them their very own house extension? And is it okay if they steal the food off the counter when there aren’t any guests for dinner? Inquiring minds want to know.

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    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      Mea Culpa. I sometimes have a social life that interferes with motherhood. Last night I had my film group over and when I opened the door and led them into the Doggie Domain, my friend looked out the door expectantly and said, “So where’s your new room?” We were standing in it!!!! Granted, it looks more like a small mudroom or entry, but it is in fact a Puppy Palace. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.

      As for stealing food when there are no guests for dinner, it is still naughty but at least not naughty in public. You know, the difference between a kid throwing a tantrum in the checkout line in the grocery store or at home. At home there is less judgement! Today, it took me 10 minutes to pick out a grout color and I’m still not sure I picked the correct one. After 10 minutes of back and forthing over three colors, at the last minute I chose an entirely different one!

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