(Abdominal areas in shadow appear much larger than they actually are. Really!)
Belly Talk
Stomach, darling, first of all I’d like to tell you how indispensable you are. Literally, you are irreplaceable in my life. Aside from digesting my food, you separate my waist from my chest and keep my belts from straying. You warn me about absolutely revolting subjects as well as food and are handy for nudging ahead in tight crowds.
That said, I need to bring up one large touchy matter. For all the good you do in this world, do you need to be quite so large? Lately, for instance, I’ve watched you extending your territory–venturing out into one plump donut extending around my back. This makes looking at my rear view in the mirror extremely distressing. “I never look at myself in back,” one friend told me years ago, but darling, that had been evident for years–testified to by the tight snarl of hair in the middle of her head.
But I digress. You’re awfully quiet. I’m a bit worried that I might have offended. But, the topic of magnitude of sound being brought up, I’ll continue. Were you aware that you have taken to communicating with me at inopportune times? A small growl after midnight to remind me of today’s brownies hiding in their microwave storage space safe from ants and marauding family members and friends? That’s fine…and probably the real reason you were given a voice in the first place. But that long low rumble increasing in volume in the middle of the significant pause in the dialogue of the movie playing in a hushed movie theater? Totally unacceptable. Other times your voice is uncalled for? At the dentist’s office and in the throes of a long passionate kiss. In teachers’ conferences and at ladies bridge afternoons. No. No. No. You are not invited in this capacity. Yes, digest the margarita, the popcorn or the rich dessert. Comment upon it? No.
That’s it, dear stomach. I appreciate you. I know you are vital to my health and happiness. You provide me with countless pleasures–those pleasures increasing with the years. But, sweet middle of mine, if you could see your way clear to not increasing at a rate commensurate with my pleasures, I would appreciate it very much. Oh. Talking again, I see. And probably not listening. Oh well. I hear your message loud and clear. A pint of triple chocolate extra fudge gelato in the freezer? Well, honey, this time you are speaking my language. No one is around. And it is totally acceptable!
The Prompt: Shape up or Ship out–Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shape-up-or-ship-out/
lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown 
Oh my dear. I am wiping tears…and you’ve spoken, most eloquently to MY belly as well today. Mine own has begun to have somewhat lengthy conversations with me as well, at highly inconvenient times. I was in the doctor’s office the other day and they had their stethoscope out to listen to my breathing and heart (I guess that’s what they do when they do that)…and suddenly a loud grrrrrrrrruuuuuummmmmmmmmbbbleeeee emitted out into the silence. I don’t know how doc kept a straight face, I’d have fallen down laughing were our positions reversed. As it were my doctor remained professional and I remained red-faced. Do let us know if you get any response from your belly, I’d be fascinated to know what they’re trying to tell us!!
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Okay, I see that as a challenge. I’ll see what my belly conveys telepathically and share with you all.
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That was so cute! Boy have I had to deal with the growling stomach and have had real, real embarrassment. Too funny. I enjoyed your post!
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Hillarious! Ah, yes, they reveal our past indulgences all too well. I’ve been told that the best way to bring a stomach into submission is by constant exercise — and I’m too busy blogging. Sigh.
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I have a good exercise. Just pull in on your stomach muscles…squeeze together as much as possible, then push out. I do 200 of these in the pool or ocean every day and it helps. Of course you have to keep ahead of the macaroons and cheese pie and donuts the beach vendors sell!!
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I have tears rolling down my face 🙂
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Oops… I didn’t notice what you had been reading when I saw your message in notifications. A friend tipped me off that I’d misinterpreted your message, so I have erased my response. So glad they are tears of amusement and not sadness.
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Actually, we have a small brain located next to intestines. We are told it works in conjunction with the big brain? Cheers Jamie.
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Ha. I believe that is true of men only, however.
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Maybe so? The route to his heart? http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/gut-second-brain/ Cheers Jamie
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I often want to complain about the entire body and its obvious intention to end up somewhere around my ankle. It should STAY PUT dammit! Especially the aforementioned stomach!
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Brilliant!
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Nice and funny! A joy to read.
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Thanks, Niki.
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“if you could see your way clear to not increasing at a rate commensurate with my pleasures” Loved it!
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Ah if only you could convince my stomach to love it as much and to listen!
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