Hello darling. Yes. It’s me,
rendering my apology
(granted, given grudgingly)
for seemingly curmudgeonly
things you might have heard I said
about your dress the day you wed.
It’s true the comment that you heard.
Yes, it’s verbatim word-for-word,
but you do not know my intent.
What you imagine, I never meant.
When I said you should be wearing red,
what was running through my head
was that you look divine in scarlet,
not that you have played the harlot!
The one who heard the words I said
knew that I had dated Ted
before you came upon the scene
but it was incorrect and mean
for her to just extrapolate
that my kind words were said with hate.
About the cake? Who told you that?
I’ve never said that you are fat.
Eat the whole thing? You never would.
I merely said I bet you could!!!
Because it simply looked delicious,
but my intentions were far from vicious.
Of course I wish you both the best
as you feather your nuptial nest.
The feather pillows, I gave you, dear?
I’m glad you didn’t find them queer.
I thought down pillows would be nice.
I surely hope that they suffice
to drown out Teddie’s awful snoring.
I remember just abhorring
all night long, that awful din
when I was in the bed you’re in.
If you don’t want to swathe your head,
the earplugs should help out instead.
I know they always worked for me
back when Ted and I were “we.”
And now that all is said and done,
I’m glad that you’re the one who won.
If it sounds like sour grapes to you,
must be because you’ve served a few!