I’m a martyr to the language, a proponent of its usage.
Malapropisms shatter me. I cringe at their abusage.
I’m a verbal junkie. I use language every day.
Rare is the occasion where I don’t know what to say.
Yet, mere crude modern vulgarisms rarely cross my lips.
I cling to formal usage—give gratuities, not tips.
I need not stoop to schmutzwortsuche, for I’m never bored.
There are so many nicer words in books where words are stored.
But if a vulgarism is your quip of last resort,
at least please choose a clever one for your rude retort!