“How Now, Ground Cow?”


To understand this story at all, you need to read this explanation of what the prompt was:

“How!”  “Now, Ground Cow.”

A UFO landed in a field in South Dakota and a little green creature hopped out of it and ran over to a herd of fine Hereford cattle. He was absolutely fascinated with these creatures and equally delighted that his attempts to communicate with them telepathically actually worked. One by one, they gathered closer to him, all interrupting each other in their efforts to answer his questions. Of what use were the appendages on either side of their heads?  Why were some  of these creatures so much smaller and why did some have a number of  fleshy appendages on their underside instead of the harder pointed ones on their heads?

Of course, the Bull had quite a few questions of his own, but the green creature just seemed intent on controlling the conversation and asking all the questions himself.

It was when he felt himself being nudged–albeit lightly, but with a very sharp horn–that the green being STOPPED TALKING for a few seconds, and the Bull seized the opportunity to ask if specimens of his own variety existed in the place where his interrogator  was from.

“Yes, sort of” said the green one. “We have creatures that provide us nourishment, but years ago they began taking up too much space, so we created another world of animals above.”

“Is this a polite way of saying that they all became extinct?” asked the Bull, with a worried look in one eye and a very dangerous one in the other.

“No,” chuckled the visitor. “We biologically altered them to enable them all to fly. Then we provided resting platforms above that are covered with nature, much as is your earth.”

“So, your cattle fly? ” asked the bull, and the alien shook his head “yes” telepathically. “As do pigs..”

At this particular moment, a native American pulled up in his pickup. He rolled down his window , held up his hand in the sign of universal peace, and to the little green being, he said, “How!”

The little green one, having neglected to learn telepathically any of the original languages of this planet, had no idea no idea  what this “How,” was meant to indicate, but he had business at hand and so he merely gave voice to a questioning “How?” before turning to complete his conversation with the earthling food source, that upon being invited to accompany them on their way back to their own planet, had asked how soon they would be leaving to view this sight of cattle unleashed to the heavens.

“Now, Ground Cow,” said the little green visitor, as he turned to go back to his space vehicle.

And when the farmer noticed a certain streak of green light zipping heavenward from the field where his cattle were kept, little did he know that it was his prize Bull Studley , formerly fated to remain on the ground for the rest of his life, that was now zooming off to earn his wings.  Never again would anyone call Studley a ground cow.

And so Studley lived happily ever after, living to a ripe old age during which, for the remainder of his time on the new home of his choice, not once did the thought of  becoming ground round ever enter his mind again.



After two brave souls answered my challenge, I was shamed into doing so myself. You can find the link here: https://judydykstrabrown.com/2020/10/24/how-now-ground-cow/ And yes, it is really dumb!



8 thoughts on ““How Now, Ground Cow?”


    Such a complex story about a simple question, every good cowboy knows this, but one which I “herd” differently. It was during the spring neutering party, where the word “nothing” takes on a different spelling as well as meaning, and this young bullock was wobbling around with a slightly different question, and a higher frequency voice crying: “How now brown cow”~?

    Liked by 2 people


    Here is one only understood by a Creole, but may be worth explaining. It really happened long ago. A young cousin from Chicago was visiting with his family, and we were at my grandfathers farm. Early in the morning grandpa asked us innocently: “Would you boys like to come out and watch me shoot the cow~?” Grandpa was just being nice, speaking a language he thought us kids would understand…..When I saw a feeling of discomfort in my cousin, I knew it needed explaining. In his language he would say “tirer la vache” which is the expression for milking the cow. Grandpa would normally use the French expression but without thinking said it in English for our benefit..



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