Tag Archives: silly poem

Weight Watcher Coup


Weight Watcher Coup

Why would my Weight Watchers meet in a restaurant
that’s a buffet where diners can eat all they want?
I guess it’s to practice resisting temptation,
but instead I and feeling severe perturbation.

Potatoes and gravy and chicken and peas
and desserts where a person can eat all they please
are simply not kosher when one should be dieting.
Instead of resisting, I find myself rioting.

I charged up to the counter and filled up my plate
with a pile of entrees I’m ashamed to relate.
Then muffins and crepes and strawberry pie
spilled over the sides and reached up to the sky.

Something about me was slightly off-kilter,
and I found I was eating without any filter.
If they’d pared down the menu, I’d have much less naughty,
and the folks at my table might have looked way less haughty.

My table mates clucked and looked sad and disgusted.
It was  clear at buffets I was not to be trusted.
Yet I noticed also some looks of regret
as they surveyed these goodies that they, too, could get

if only they had the nerve to break ranks:
scalloped potatoes and baked beans with franks,
chocolate eclairs and ice cream with hot fudge
all could be theirs with nobody to judge.

Yet what could it hurt, just one serving of gravy?
Just one piece of chicken, one biscuit and maybe
one serving of pudding without the whipped cream?
Would one scoop of vanilla really be extreme?

I saw resolve falter as one after one
they returned to the line for a muffin or bun,
chicken fried steak or some pork or some shrimp—
first with restraint, then ceasing to scrimp.

And that’s how I broke up our Weight Watcher’s bunch
after a single ill-fated lunch.
I’m not proud of my actions and the resolves I’ve killed,
but at least for the present I’m sufficiently filled!

 

 

Prompt words for the day are filter, naughty, meeting, pare and menu.

Short Career in a Chinese Restaurant

Short Career in a Chinese Restaurant


Her first day on the job, how was she to guess
why so many customers left in distress,
complaining that they found the restrooms deficient—
the number of stalls being hardly sufficient?

How was she to know that epsom salt wasn’t
the same as real salt, for everyone doesn’t!
When he found that she’d filled all the shakers with it,
her boss came unglued and threw a small fit.

Her poignant excuses were given short shrift
and alas she was fired at the end of her shift.
At a meeting of friends, she took refuge in booze,
then opened her heart and relayed her sad news.

All of her friends found her firing dramatic
bemoaning a boss so rigid and dogmatic,
and along with their sympathy, gave the advice
that they should have used soy sauce to flavor their rice.

Prompt words for today are poignant,  dogmatic, meeting, advice and shift. Image by Lachlan on Unsplash.

Eaten Away

 

Eaten Away

Now that my skin’s been exsiccated,
I think it could be debated
whether now I’m liable
to also be more friable.
Pounds drying out and crumbling?
If so, I won’t be grumbling.
I’ll be real glad to lose some mass
from upper arms, tummy and ass.
If so, aging could be a treat,
for no matter what I eat,
my fat would crumble and fall away.
Naughty eating with naught to pay.

Prompt for today are exsiccate, real, kin, friable and treat.

 

The Grump: A Pessimist’s Last Request


The Grump: A Pessimist’s Last Request

I don’t pander to the drug merchants. My pleasures are not herbal.
I don’t believe in drinking and I don’t get off on verbal.
Gossip is innocuous and I have no affection
for reading mystery novels. I am bored by their detection.
I do not seek adventure in movies or in travel.
I don’t see what folks see in Judge Judy’s pounding gavel. 
I don’t have any hobbies, for I find all pastimes boring.
I got rid of my wife for I can’t abide her snoring.
I don’t see what folks see in life so when time comes to end it,
please do not resuscitate. I don’t wish to extend it!

 

A disclaimer: this poem is preceded by a favorite photo I once took but in no way illustrates the person depicted. He’s a good sport and has let me use this photo three different times to illustrate humorous poems. 

Prompt words are adventure, innocuous, herbal, pander and affection.  And. . .this poem is purely fiction. Go ahead and resuscitate me!!!! 

Up in Smoke


Up in Smoke

I’d bet a batch of raviolis
that you’ve blown your bronchioles
since you’ve gone completely wacko
over hand-rolled fine tobacco.

Your affection for your smoking
that at first was grounds for joking
raises qualms about the rumor
that  you’ve found you have a tumor.

I must admit that I find strange.
your haughty refusal  to change
that causes worry among your friends

that you’ll come to tragic ends.

To me is seems you must be showing

that your puffing and your blowing
is more important in your life
than your children or your wife.

I wonder if you’ll feel elation
on the day of your cremation
as all of you goes up in smoke.
And that will be your final joke!

Prompt words today are bronchiole, qualms, nourish, haughty and affection.

Overstatement

Overstatement

Though her smile was impressively perfect and bright,
I found it vacuous—joyless and tight.
To gainsay her fashion sense, I must express
that  jewelry was often worn in excess.

Rings on her fingers and earrings and more:
necklaces, scarves and bracelets galore.
Such foolish things as ruffles and puffs,
pleatings and laces, umbrellas and muffs

completed her outfits, almost, for two more
accoutrements finished her body’s decor.
Her makeup layered on, then there was just one.
She dumped on perfume, and then she was done!

 

Prompts today are foolish things, vacuous, impressive, gainsay and dump.

Puddle-Jumping


Puddle-Jumping

Raindrops fall and splat and skitter,
bringing sheen and gloss and glitter.
In my dreams I hear them falling,
try to wake to heed their calling.
When exactly do I know
it’s time to leave my bed and go
outside to splash in rain-filled gutters,
ignoring Grandpa’s warning mutters
that I’ll catch a cold today
if I go outside to play?

He says it’s raining cats and dogs,
but all I find outside are frogs,
proving his idiom a lie
as nothing’s falling from the sky
but rain and blossoms from the tree
that stretches its limbs over me.
I make my way, laborious,
through mud and goo most glorious,
then reach the ditch and wash feet off
in the rushing water trough.

I see Grandpa watching me,
warm and dry and splatter-free.
But then he’s gone, no doubt to see
what’s playing now on the TV.
But, just as it begins to pour,
there’s Grandpa coming out the door!
Barefooted, he jumps in my puddle,
gives my shoulders a warm cuddle,
then repeats the old refrain
that this day is “Right as rain!”


Prompt words today are rain, idiom, skitter, exact, dreams.
Images by Amy Reed and Nicholas Bartos on Unsplash. Used with permission.

Swingers

Swingers

Romance is better on the swings
for it’s true Cupid has wings
and if he inspires a kiss,
it’s clear that you don’t want to miss
that moment on your mutual ride
where your lips might coincide,
and on the teeter-totter or slide
it’s harder to go side-by-side.

 

For the Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge: Side-by-Side
Image by Brandon Couch on Unsplash.

Good Dog


Good Dog

Before they strapped a chain link trinket around his coal black throat,
a hundred loving strokes a day smoothed his black fur coat.
He had a special diet stacked neatly on a shelf,
and though it was placed low enough for him to reach himself,
he never helped himself to it, and right up to this writing,
I never heard one word of his barking or his biting.
A paragon of virtue, he expelled no doggie farts,
and though his nose was yearning to explore some private parts,
he kept it strictly to himself, polite without a lapse,
and came running with his flouncy gait to whistles or to claps.
In short, he was the perfect dog—sleek and trim and dark,
so when his master took him running in the park,
he always got a special treat in his own private cup,
and to reward his human, he lapped the whole thing up!


I photographed this good boy in the park in Sheridan, Wyoming, where I went with my friend Marti, and since I am a good girl, I lapped up a cup of chocolate and salted caramel ice cream myself as well!

Prompt words today are expel, trinket, self, flounce and writing.

Well-Armed

Well-Armed

Folks who are idolatrous
have deified the octopus.
The Durga of the watery world,
with her many arms unfurled,
when she suffers from upheaval,
she turns dangerous and evil.

Don’t underrate this ocean creature—
a lethal underwater feature.
Rankled, she exacts revenge,
her disturbed leisure to avenge,
for warfare is the medium
with which she relieves tedium.

A predator from dawn to dawn,
I could write an essay on
the sustenance she preys upon.
First they’re there and then they’re gone,
turned into impromptu feast
by this many-suckered beast.

This queen of the underworld
is lethal with her arms unfurled,
so if perchance you come upon her,
do not think that you can con her.
For if you try, I have a hunch
you might become her choice for lunch.

 

Durga is a fierce warrior goddess. She is depicted in Hindu art as riding on a lion or a tiger. She has many arms and is always brandishing a variety of weapons.

Prompt words today are octopus, essay, upheaval, rankle and medium. Image by Serena Repice Lentini on Unsplash.