The rumors are untrue. He is a scurrilous liar.
I did not steal the birthday cake. I did not start the fire.
My serenity is not a ruse. I’m innocent of error.
I swear I had no hand in your recent birthday terror.
The dog has done his utmost to brand me as the thief,
but the fool is barely lucid. Could you not see his relief
when you started to upbraid me as he chased me, headed south,
crumbs falling from his chest hair, frosting around his mouth?
Oh that I knew your language and I could tell you that,
but instead, for ever after, you’ll be blaming “that damn cat!!”
Evidence of an earlier crime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvtfDaBi8XE