Tag Archives: the daily spur

Wasted Youth

Dressed up by my sister in her clothes, just for fun. For sure, not my usual fare!

Wasted Youth

It is too late to try to tone
my skin and muscle, fat and bone.
When I walk, they sway and jiggle,
protest at my every wriggle.
Arm and neck and waist and thigh
are not as bad as I imply.

Nonetheless, I do not dare
attempt bikinis or clothes that bare
great expanses of leg and skin.
I will not brave it, the shape I’m in.
Oh to relive days back when
I was taut and smooth and thin.

And could convince my young self that
I was neither plain nor fat.
If I had known, I now confess,
I would have concealed me less.
Shown more skin, gone a size smaller,
pulled back my shoulders, stood up taller.

That youth is wasted on the young
way back then were words unsung

and so I wasted all those years
peering into bathroom mirrors,
wanting to be better because,
as I look back, I see I was!

Prompt words today are question, bone, jiggle, imply and brave.

Polite Conversation

Polite Conversation

If you’re looking for activities that are sure to excite us,
best not to show the cat scans of your diverticulitis.
Discussion of this topic is sure to bring unease,
for most folks are oblivious to other folks’ disease.

Illness carries no cachet and should not be repeated.
When bringing up such maladies, you’re sure to feel defeated.
So keep incisions covered and try not to share your woe,
for if you’re hypochondria’s showing, you’ll be labelled as a schmo.

 

Prompt words today are diverticulitis, oblivious, schmo, cachet and defeated.

Weight Watcher Coup


Weight Watcher Coup

Why would my Weight Watchers meet in a restaurant
that’s a buffet where diners can eat all they want?
I guess it’s to practice resisting temptation,
but instead I am feeling severe perturbation.

Potatoes and gravy and chicken and peas
and desserts where a person can eat all they please
are simply not kosher when one should be dieting.
Instead of resisting, I find myself rioting.

I charged up to the counter and filled up my plate
with a pile of entrees I’m ashamed to relate.
Then muffins and crepes and strawberry pie
spilled over the sides and reached up to the sky.

Something about me was slightly off-kilter,
and I found I was eating without any filter.
If they’d pared down the menu, I’d have much less naughty,
and the folks at my table might have looked way less haughty.

My table mates clucked and looked sad and disgusted.
It was  clear at buffets I was not to be trusted.
Yet I noticed also some looks of regret
as they surveyed these goodies that they, too, could get

if only they had the nerve to break ranks:
scalloped potatoes and baked beans with franks,
chocolate eclairs and ice cream with hot fudge
all could be theirs with nobody to judge.

Yet what could it hurt, just one serving of gravy?
Just one piece of chicken, one biscuit and maybe
one serving of pudding without the whipped cream?
Would one scoop of vanilla really be extreme?

I saw resolve falter as one after one
they returned to the line for a muffin or bun,
chicken fried steak or some pork or some shrimp—
first with restraint, then ceasing to scrimp.

And that’s how I broke up our Weight Watcher’s bunch
after a single ill-fated lunch.
I’m not proud of my actions and the resolves I’ve killed,
but at least for the present I’m sufficiently filled!

 

 

Prompt words for the day are filter, naughty, meeting, pare and menu.

Short Career in a Chinese Restaurant

Short Career in a Chinese Restaurant


Her first day on the job, how was she to guess
why so many customers left in distress,
complaining that they found the restrooms deficient—
the number of stalls being hardly sufficient?

How was she to know that epsom salt wasn’t
the same as real salt, for everyone doesn’t!
When he found that she’d filled all the shakers with it,
her boss came unglued and threw a small fit.

Her poignant excuses were given short shrift
and alas she was fired at the end of her shift.
At a meeting of friends, she took refuge in booze,
then opened her heart and relayed her sad news.

All of her friends found her firing dramatic
bemoaning a boss so rigid and dogmatic,
and along with their sympathy, gave the advice
that they should have used soy sauce to flavor their rice.

Prompt words for today are poignant,  dogmatic, meeting, advice and shift. Image by Lachlan on Unsplash.

The Unlikelihood of Dieting

The Unlikelihood of Dieting

Her curvaceous days were over. She was striving for the minimum.
She wanted her face molded and her abdomen tight as a drum.
She curtailed breakfast waffles and cookies, cakes and pies
and bought a stationary bike to exercise her thighs,
but to coin a phrase I fear her chances were slim pickens
so long as there were French fries and Colonel Sanders chickens!

Prompt words today are over, coin, curvaceous, curtail and minimum.

If I seem to be obsessed about losing weight and body image lately, blame the prompts and the fact that my friend keeps making me eat ice cream!!!

Eaten Away

 

Eaten Away

Now that my skin’s been exsiccated,
I think it could be debated
whether now I’m liable
to also be more friable.
Pounds drying out and crumbling?
If so, I won’t be grumbling.
I’ll be real glad to lose some mass
from upper arms, tummy and ass.
If so, aging could be a treat,
for no matter what I eat,
my fat would crumble and fall away.
Naughty eating with naught to pay.

Prompt for today are exsiccate, real, kin, friable and treat.

 

The Grump: A Pessimist’s Last Request


The Grump: A Pessimist’s Last Request

I don’t pander to the drug merchants. My pleasures are not herbal.
I don’t believe in drinking and I don’t get off on verbal.
Gossip is innocuous and I have no affection
for reading mystery novels. I am bored by their detection.
I do not seek adventure in movies or in travel.
I don’t see what folks see in Judge Judy’s pounding gavel. 
I don’t have any hobbies, for I find all pastimes boring.
I got rid of my wife for I can’t abide her snoring.
I don’t see what folks see in life so when time comes to end it,
please do not resuscitate. I don’t wish to extend it!

 

A disclaimer: this poem is preceded by a favorite photo I once took but in no way illustrates the person depicted. He’s a good sport and has let me use this photo three different times to illustrate humorous poems. 

Prompt words are adventure, innocuous, herbal, pander and affection.  And. . .this poem is purely fiction. Go ahead and resuscitate me!!!! 

Up in Smoke


Up in Smoke

I’d bet a batch of raviolis
that you’ve blown your bronchioles
since you’ve gone completely wacko
over hand-rolled fine tobacco.

Your affection for your smoking
that at first was grounds for joking
raises qualms about the rumor
that  you’ve found you have a tumor.

I must admit that I find strange.
your haughty refusal  to change
that causes worry among your friends

that you’ll come to tragic ends.

To me is seems you must be showing

that your puffing and your blowing
is more important in your life
than your children or your wife.

I wonder if you’ll feel elation
on the day of your cremation
as all of you goes up in smoke.
And that will be your final joke!

Prompt words today are bronchiole, qualms, nourish, haughty and affection.

Accidental Excuses

Accidental Excuses

Pointing at the calendar, you voice a guttural moan,
regretting a notation for which you must atone.
It’s time to trim the ivy from the window frames and gutters,
but your reluctance to do so, I can tell from your low mutters.

When our decorous window boxes needed a small touch-up,
you erased the reminder and smugly held your crutch up.
Of course I did the job for you, for it would be abuse
not to take a broken leg as adequate excuse.

But now that you have healed, my dear, it clearly is your turn
to cut back the ivy and to trim the Boston fern.
In spite of your pleading eyes and all your manly charm,
you’ll only avoid this chore if you fall and break an arm!

Prompt words today are guttural, calendar, ivy, decorous and point.
Image by Debb D on Unsplash.

Overstatement

Overstatement

Though her smile was impressively perfect and bright,
I found it vacuous—joyless and tight.
To gainsay her fashion sense, I must express
that  jewelry was often worn in excess.

Rings on her fingers and earrings and more:
necklaces, scarves and bracelets galore.
Such foolish things as ruffles and puffs,
pleatings and laces, umbrellas and muffs

completed her outfits, almost, for two more
accoutrements finished her body’s decor.
Her makeup layered on, then there was just one.
She dumped on perfume, and then she was done!

 

Prompts today are foolish things, vacuous, impressive, gainsay and dump.