The Grump: A Pessimist’s Last Request
I don’t pander to the drug merchants. My pleasures are not herbal.
I don’t believe in drinking and I don’t get off on verbal.
Gossip is innocuous and I have no affection
for reading mystery novels. I am bored by their detection.
I do not seek adventure in movies or in travel.
I don’t see what folks see in Judge Judy’s pounding gavel.
I don’t have any hobbies, for I find all pastimes boring.
I got rid of my wife for I can’t abide her snoring.
I don’t see what folks see in life so when time comes to end it,
please do not resuscitate. I don’t wish to extend it!
A disclaimer: this poem is preceded by a favorite photo I once took but in no way illustrates the person depicted. He’s a good sport and has let me use this photo three different times to illustrate humorous poems.