Category Archives: Humor

Lashing Out

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If you’ve never before heard of the phrase “on fleek,” get in line behind me.  It was, however, the prompt word for the Ragtag Daily Prompt site today. In essence, it means perfectly done, exactly right; extremely good, attractive or stylish; sleek and perfectly groomed or styled. Examples: “Eyebrows on fleek.” , “Makeup on fleek”.


Lashing Out

When her lash she chose to tweak,
intent on its being on fleek,
alas she tugged a bit too much
and found that it escaped her clutch.
In vain did she survey and stoop.
The lash had landed in her soup.
And shortly after she sought to seat it,
she had the misfortune to eat it!

 

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For the RDP prompt, “fleek.”

Troglodyte*

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Troglodyte

She remained safely part of the herd.
Anything “different” she labeled absurd.
Stellar works of writing or music or art
raised her concern as they stirred up her heart.

Since she did not approve of rattling the senses,
she kept herself safely concealed behind fences.
Bright jarring colors too much of a risk,
she surrounded herself with calm shades of  bisque.

When the masses went clubbing, she simply stayed home
sipping tea on her terrace with her garden gnome.
No witty rejoinders with which to contend.
No strangers to challenge beliefs or offend.

All of her life deliberately planned
to ward off adventure and preserve the bland,
as the world interacted and frolicked and rapped,
she petted her cat and frequently napped.

* A Troglodyte  is a person characterized by reclusive habits or outmoded or reactionary attitudes

The prompt words for today are herd, fence stellar and concern. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/11/rdp-thursday-herd/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/11/fowc-with-fandango-fence/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/11/stellar/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/daily-addictions-2018-week-40/concern

The Old and Unrested

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The Old and Unrested

The old and unrested return to their beds,
propping their pillows under their heads.
Pulling their blankets up to their ears,
they let up on the gas and go into low gears.

Setting their brandies or porters or gins
on their bedside tables, they settle their chins
upon their chests and watch some TV
on laptops that sit where their boobs used to be.

Life is confusing when you are too near it,
especially ’cause it is so damn hard to hear it.
Then when you’re alone, it’s entirely too loud.
These neighborhood noises should not be allowed!

They turn up the volume to drown out the noise
of the car alarms, weed eaters and screaming boys.
They lie all morning, secure in their beds.
Life is much easier lived in their heads!

For Daily Inklings, Objects at Rest.

Trouble Crossing

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Trouble Crossing

Fjords, ravines and crevasses are hard enough to cross,
but when it comes to intersections, I am at a loss.
I excel at parallel parking and my merging is just fine,
but when negotiating stop lights, I simply do not shine.

Perhaps it is the colors that I find distracting.
There’s something about yellow that I find too exacting.
Red is most definitive. I know I shouldn’t go.
And green is also clearly meant as a sign to go.

But yellow’s indecisive. Should I go or should I stay?
Should I linger or should I be upon my way?
This solitary factor is what makes me balk.
As a means of transportation, it is true I’d rather walk!!!! 

The prompt words are color, parking, fjord and solitary. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/10/rdp-wednesday-color/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/10/fowc-with-fandango-parking/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/10/fjord/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/daily-addictions-2018-week-40/solitary

The Honeymoon’s Over

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Judy just jabbed Joe’s jingling jodphurs.
“Jeez!” Joe jumped jerkily—justifiably jittery.
“Just joking, Joe!” Judy jabbered jejunely.
Joe’s joyless judgment jarred Judy’s jubilation.
Joyful June joint junket just jinxed!
Jumpin’ jiminy— Joe just jettisoned Judy!

For the six-word story prompt, the letter “J.” The assignment was to write a six word story using only the letter “j” to begin each word.  I expanded the assignment to six six-word lines.

 

A Sedative Soliloquy

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A Sedative Soliloquy

He was a jovial companion, but his constant burbling ways
inevitably put folks in a protective daze.
So although I’m sure his ego assured him they were rapt,
in fact it was illusion. All too frequently, they napped.

 

Prompt words today (actually, yesterday’s as I’m running late) are burble, illusion, jovial and inevitable. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/rdp-saturday-burble/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/06/fowc-with-fandango-illusion/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/jovial/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/inevitable

Futile Advice

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Futile Advice

Truck trials are enigmatic. I just can’t see their appeal.
Big boys ruining their toys? I want to say, “Get real!”
If one of your life pleasures is to buy things and deplete them,
just buy some triple-decker cones and take them out and eat them!
It’s bound to be much cheaper and it makes a lot less noise,
but I know that you won’t listen. After all, boys will be boys.

 

The prompt words today are truck, trial, enigmatic and deplete. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/05/rdp-friday-truck/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/05/fowc-with-fandango-trial/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/05/enigmatic/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/welcome-to-daily-addictions/deplete

Driving Lesson

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Driving Lesson

Brace yourself for lamp posts. Do not vacillate changing lanes.
That panic you feel turning corners very quickly wanes.
For each 10 miles of your speed, stay a car length back
to make it much less likely a bumper you will crack
when the car in front of you makes a sudden stop.
Anticipate fast braking, and avoid the traffic cop!

These rules aren’t too difficult, in fact they’re common sense.
When you see your instructor growing rather tense,
decrease your speed and check that you are driving center lane.
Checking your makeup in the rear vision mirror is inane!
Indicate your turning and brake for traffic lights.
Minding all the rules just makes for fewer fights.

I’m sure that if you follow them you’ll soon be driving regally.
It’s so much easier to drive when you’re driving legally!

The word prompts today are brace, lamppost, vacillate and anticipate.  Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/04/rdp-thursday-brace/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/04/fowc-with-fandango-lamppost/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/04/vacillate/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/29/daily-addictions-2018-week-39/anticipate

Anniversary Blunder

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Anniversary Blunder

It was an anniversary present for which he must atone
unless he wants to spend next anniversary alone.
When she opened up her gift, the lone words she could muster
were a string of sputterings, followed up by, “Buster!
is this the best  that you could do—a sander, saw and drill?
Shopping at a hardware store’s not anyway to thrill
a wife lusting for jewelry or even an appliance
more within the likelihood of strengthening our alliance!”
He said, “I thought a contrast might bring a little zing
to our romance much more unique than a diamond ring.
Then he led her to the closet and opened up the door
to see her brand new shoe rack built from ceiling to the floor.
New shelves and custom cabinet with jewelry racks and chest,
and then he opened up a drawer to reveal the best
surprise of all the others—left there for her to see—
a note that said, “Another gift. The tools were for me
to build this brand new closet that you’ve hinted at for years.
Here it is, with all my love, admittedly in arrears!
Look in the bottom jewelry drawer if this is not enough.
You’ll find a box there nestled next to your other stuff.”
And there she found the ring she’d wanted, nestled in among
all the gifts he’d bought her since the years when they were young.
Then she had a revelation, embarrassed for her huff,
and said, “Oh dear, you shouldn’t have. The tools were enough!”

The prompt words for today are contrast, hardware, atone and muster.  Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/02/rdp-tuesday-contrast/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/02/fowc-with-fandango-hardware/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/02/atone/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/muster

‘Ssss True

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‘Sss True

Ssspartan to the nth degree,
he may be lurking in a tree.
In shape he must exemplify
nature’s attempt to ssssimplify.

(No arms or legs to complicate
his lithe movement through glade or gate.)
Not limited by all those parts
that curtail our stops and starts,

his every motion unimpeded,
his conquestsss easily completed.
Under a rock, he may lie coiled.
In sssswiftness, he cannot be foiled.

Hands and feet may have their uses,
but they may lead to abuses.
Toes can stub and feet may catch
on bumps or stones. They are no match

for a ssssnake’s swift glide and ssssssting.
Limbs are not good for everything!
It’s true, a sssnake would be more harmlesss
if he had not been born armlessss!

 

My cats had this snake cornered near the kitchen door, proving me wrong  by demonstrating that some footed creatures are a good match for a snake.  Yolanda’s keen eyes brought it to my attention, and between us, we proved to be its friends. KItties were curtailed.  The serpent glided on to sssafety.

The prompt words today are Spartan, limit, glade and exemplify.  Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/rdp-monday-spartan/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/01/fowc-with-fandango-limit/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/glade/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/welcome-to-daily-addictions/exemplify