Seasonal No-Nos

Coal in your stocking? There’s a reason.
(You’ve commited Yuletide treason
if you’ve been Christmas present squeezin’.)
These forms of unkind family-teasin’
aren’t allowed during this season:
You aren’t allowed to rag on sister
just because her boyfriend kissed ‘er.
Cannot short-sheet brothers’ beds
or put such mischief in the heads
of younger siblings so they do
naughty mischief, taught by you!
Can’t tease the dog or put the cat,
curled up, in your grandpa’s hat.
Cannot set the hamster free
to frolic in the Christmas tree.
Cannot conspire to spike the punch
when preacher’s asked for Sunday brunch.
All sorts of rules I could tell
to relieve the seasonal Hell
of switches in your Xmas stocking,
but I will do no further talking
of naughty things that you could do
to direct Kris Kringle’s wrath towards you.
For you require no more instruction
concerning means of the destruction
of the plans of all the others:
grandparents, sisters and brothers,
parents, uncles, aunts and those
who’ve wrapped up books and toys and clothes
to make your Xmas bright and fun
(so long as you have wrapped up none
of the gag gifts formerly plotted:
broken, ugly, fetid, rotted.)
Please wipe such plans out of your head,
or you’ll be sent,hungry, to bed
presentless, alone, unfed!!!!!

For RDP: Seasonal  Image by Shutterstock