Tag Archives: humorous poem about husband

Marrying Up

Marrying Up

The hippie that she married was excessively hirsute,
which was her final reason for giving him the boot.
But since her alimony was embarrassingly meager,
perhaps we can forgive her for being oh so eager

to try to find a richer man—a man of good repute
exceedingly well-barbered, who wore a business suit.
She knew that she could find him if she hung out at the Ritz,
so she dug out her old three-inch-heels and donned a bit of glitz.

Adopting her most snobbish air, she hung out at the bar
to try to find this different man who was more up to par.
She knew him when she saw him.  He’d a Rolex on his arm
and she was sure if she exuded her usual class and charm,

she could attract his notice and flirt and joke and tease
until within an hour she had brought him to his knees.
It’s true he came right over and was smitten from the start.
and within an hour or two, she knew they’d never part.

He dined her and he wined her and he smothered her in flowers.
She gloried in her craftiness and her seductive powers.
It was a whirlwind courtship. When they honeymooned in Prague,
she knew her social standing had gone up a cog.

The hotel that they stayed at was the very best.
Anything she wanted appeared at his behest.
Fresh pastries from the kitchen, whisked to them piping hot.
Shops with furs and diamonds. She had to have the lot.

She said, “Dear, never leave me.” He said, “I never will,”
yet the final day at check out, when they handed her the bill,
surprised, she held it out to him, and then she murmured, “Honey?”
as he sprinted for the door, saying, “I thought you had the money!”

 

(Illustration from Pinterest.) The prompt words today were hirsute, eager, alliance and adopt.
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/09/27/rdp-thursday-hirsute/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/09/27/fowc-with-fandango-eager/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/27/alliance/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/daily-addictions-2018-week-38/adopt

 

Baker’s Dozen (Only So Much Forgiveness to Go Around)

Baker’s Dozen
(Only So Much Forgiveness to Go Around)

I forgive you for hogging the covers
and eating the last cookie, too.
I forgive you for doing the crossword
that I was intending to do.

I forgive you for bringing the dog home
that you never have walked even once
and for donating genes to our children
that turned them each into a dunce.

I don’t mind your poker night forays
or the damage you do to my car,
or the fact that your minimal salary
really can’t stretch very far.

Your spare tires and the fact that you’re balding
really don’t bother me much.
I’ve grown used to your slobbery kisses,
and the foreplay no more than a clutch.

But there’s one thing that you always do, dear,
that rouses my most  primal scream,
for I had made plans for a tryst with
that last pint of chocolate ice cream!

The Prompt: Forgive and forget
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/forgive-and-forget/