Tag Archives: life story

“Hope” for SOCS, Sept 5, 2025

I can’t resist reblogging this blog I wrote in 2016 for the SOCS Saturday prompt, which is “Begins with ho.” After the poem, there are additional links that finish the tale if you have the patience to read them.

Hope

IMG_5964Hope wears a white apron and a pensive smile!

Hope

I hope life turns out as you wish and is a bowl of cherries.
I hope you find a run of luck and that it never varies.
The whole world would be lucky, if I had my “druthers.”
Every line would catch a fish. All orphans would find mothers.
All endings would be happy. All lottery tickets win.
But as I stop to think of it, I have to think again.
If all of us were winners, winning would lose its distinction.
Every hunter bagging game would lead to their extinction.
It seems that often one guy’s luck brings bad luck to another.
If you’re the family favorite, then it cannot be your brother!
So if I must express my hopes I guess that I’ll just say
I hope that when it is your turn, good luck will come your way!

Now I have to tell the story about my camera, which showed up missing (oxymoron) the day after I’d met friends in the Ajijic plaza coffee place. I’d run a number of errands that day, and so after I had searched my house for over an hour, and my car, and my garden, I headed off for town. Was it at the coffee place? No. Either of the stores I’d visited? No. I headed down the street to Ajijic Tango, where I’d had comida with my friends. All locked up. Seeing a door ajar a few yards away from the entrance, I called into it. It must be the kitchen. I called and called and finally someone came. I gave them a note asking the owner to call me.Then I went home.

A day or so ago I wrote about a friend in Missouri who tends to straighten out my life for me on a regular basis? Well, I wrote to him bemoaning the fate of my camera. Within the hour, he had sent me a link to a local message board and lo and behold–there was a picture of my living room with friends I’d invited to a viewing of the new documentary of another friend all sitting in it! A picture that had been in my camera! Turns out the lady pictured above had been approached by a man who tried to sell her a camera. “He asked too much” she said in her message, which stated that when she’d inspected the camera, she had surreptitiously removed the sd card from the camera as well as three more in the pouch of the carrying case, then posted one of the pictures on the card in hopes of finding the owner.

Did she know the man who had the camera? She did. Long story short, she went to his house to ask about the camera. Sadly, he reported, it had stopped working. (He still didn’t realize she’d taken the sd cards out. Brilliant move on her part.) Did he still have the camera? No, he had given it to his son, who, it turned out, worked in the restaurant next to where I must have lost my camera! After a few more trips to enquire on her part, the next morning I recovered my camera from the son, giving him a good reward, although he didn’t ask. I then recovered my four sd cards from the angel pictured above and gave her a reward as well, in spite of her protests. And that is how my Music Man in Missouri once more came to my aid and turned disaster into luck. (If you regularly read my blog, you might have guessed that I cannot survive without my camera.) What does this story have to do with hope? Simply that I hope if you ever lose anything dear to you that you have two angels looking over you as I did!!!

“My Life As A Dog” for RDP, July 2, 2025

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I can’t resist reblogging this blog from 9 years ago, even though two of its main characters, Frida and Diego, have crossed to that doggie domain in the sky. When I saw the prompt word “latch,” I was curious about whether I had ever used the word in a post, so I searched for it and this story was one of 9 that popped up. I had long forgotten this entry from so long ago and so enjoyed reading it as though someone else had written it. I hope you enjoy it, too. R.I.P. dear Frida, dear Diego. oxoxox 

My Life As A Dog

The time in the upper right corner of my computer screen blinks over to 8:30 a.m. and the dogs are still quiet.  But for some reason, whenever I think or type that thought first thing in the morning, Frida immediately whines at my door and then the other two stir in their cages. It happens as soon as I finish typing the sentence, reaffirming my belief that we are tied psychically. She has moved to just outside my door now, her heart broken by the fact that I have not immediately answered her demand to be let into my presence.

I roll out of bed, bemoaning the crick in my back that reminds me I have recently traveled—lugging the heavy cases down from the stoop outside my compound gate myself, knowing that if I let the taxi driver in that he will be rushed by the dogs who are half anxious to see me but even more anxious to escape the confines of their comfortable home to roam the wild mountain above in search of the scent messages left by generations of other dogs.

Now I open the door that leads from the hallway to my room and Frida rushes in to be let out to the lower garden from the sliding glass door in my bedroom.  I try to return to my bed, but Morrie moans his distinctive complaint that zooms from high register to low in a message that conveys impatience, heartbreak and demands all in his own particular language.

Diego simply claws at the latch to his cage.  I go out to the doggie domain––recently completed after two months of cement dust, sledgehammers, and concrete sponges chewed and distributed in tiny pieces over the entire yard and terrace by the dogs.  Peace once again reigns except for the demands of the pups, spread evenly over the day from mealtime to mealtime.

“Let me out to pee,” they say.  Then “Feed me.”  Later it will be, “Throw my toy one hundred times in a row for me to fetch,” or “Might you forget and give us another dog biscuit even though you gave us one two minutes ago?” or, more loudly—in fact as loudly as three dog voices could  possibly declare themselves—”Get those wayfarers out of our street!!!  Wayfarers, be off! Get away now.  Take your dogs with you!!!”

I carry on, knowing I can get away with a few more moments of blogging before it will be necessary to give them their morning kibble.  Diego and Morrie tussle outside my open (but screened) sliding glass doors.  Growling, leaping, rolling over in  doggie sideways-double-somersaults, they could go on like this for hours.  It irritates Frida, old girl like me, who, although she wants to be no part of it, still resents the extra attention given to the new dog, Morrie, by her former partner Diego.

For years Frida has been bothered by the attentions of the younger and more playful and active Diego, but now that he has a companion with equal if not more energy, she resents it and is permanently crabby towards the newest addition to our family.  After seven months, this has not changed.  When I arrive home and the garage door opens, there is the loud cacophony of Morrie barking to be noticed, Frida barking to tell him to get away from “her” best friend, Diego’s barking at Frida to tell her to let the smaller dog alone.  It is deafening, and I add my louder shouts for them all to be quiet.

Once, when a friend follows me home in his car, he announces that my cries are more disturbing to him and probably the entire neighborhood than the barks and growls of the dogs could ever be, and I realize that in this house of canines, I have probably reverted to my animal nature.  I growl.  I bark.  Do I tear at my food and secretly lust for bones to gnaw upon?  Probably not.  My behavior as influenced by my housemates is actually more metaphoric than actual.

I pull myself away from my compulsion.  As necessary as sealing Morrie’s throw-toy away in the metal chest where I also lock away their extra dog food is my closing of the lid of my laptop.  It is time to be away to other things.  Feeding the dogs. Running errands in town.  I could throw sentence after sentence off into cyber space for as many hours as Morrie could fetch his toy, but there is more to life—a life that needs to be lived both for itself and the dogs’ hunger as for the necessity of having something to write about tomorrow, or this afternoon or evening—whenever I can find the time to throw my mind out to see what I will retrieve from my life to bring to you eagerly, seeing what you will throw back to me.

(My apologies to the excellent movie by the same name as this post.  If you haven’t seen it, you should.  It is in my list of ten favorite movies of all time.)

for RDP the prompt is “Latch.”

Two Lives for The Word Garden Blog Prompt, May 14, 2025

    Two Lives

My childhood dollhouse was a helium balloon,
caught in a tornado with a flock of flying squirrels,
equal novices in these midnight adventures
soaring out into the world away from horses,
wheat fields, henhouses and unpaved roads.

Escape was a constant theme in that jumprope, hopscotch life
where costumes were for Halloween and dreams kept silent under wigs.
Sailing rainwater rivers down deep ditches,
wearing vestigial vernix as protection against inevitable dunkings,
my uncle’s porkpie hat my umbraculum against hot prairie skies.

The only exit from that world I escaped in time was too often an ossuary:
tunafish Catholics buried under Papal supervision in one part of the cemetery,
Methodists in another, lily-white in their observance of the rules:
Sunday morning church a prerequisite for Saturday night dances.
Jazz nights under covers, Jesus Loves me in the light of day.

Inner tube boats traded for planes and ocean liners,
orange juice traded for absinthe, I sailed and flew into the world.
Using my first world as a grounding place,
I seized chance’s fortune as well as its mistakes––
to venture out and earn a life.

For this prompt, we were  to use at least 3 of the 20 words provided in a new, original poem of our own. I used all 20!!!
absinthe
costumes
dollhouse
flock
flying squirrel(s)
helium
henhouse
horse
jazz
jump rope
lily
ossuary
Papal
porkpie hat
rainwater
tornado
tuna fish
umbraculum
vernix
wig

 

https://fireblossom-wordgarden.blogspot.com/

Name-Dropping Confessions #1, May 4, 2025

:The challenge was to tell us about an unusual meeting with a famous person—giving as many details as possible!  Here are a few answers given in the comments section of the blog I published the prompt in. If you have a longer story to tell, please put it in a blog and send me a link in comments. Once my appetite for stories has been partially sated, I’ll tell you mine. It just awaits telling.  Here are a few early answers to the prompt;

I consider my entire life to be a bizarre circumstance. I met Sir Edmund Hillary at Arapaho Basin. We were in line for hamburgers being grilled over a woodfire halfway down the mountain.

……………….

I’ve only met one – Duncan Renaldo! Who, you ask? Better known to my generation as The Cisco Kid. I even did a lil blog about my encounter. (Read about Forgottenman’s interesting encounter, with a picture, by clicking on the link below:

https://okcforgottenman.wordpress.com/2019/04/23/the-day-the-cisco-kid-rode-into-town/

………………

Tiffany Arp-Daleo has a very interesting twist at the end of her story:

I’ve met a few, but maybe the most bizarre is Greg Douglas, the guitarist for the Steve Miller Band. My ex was the sound guy for USO shows, he befriended Greg so we all hung out a bit, he was all set to play guitar at our wedding, but I called off the wedding the day before, never saw  Greg again!
Now, tell us yours!!!!

The Skunk Saga Continues: March 17, 2025

Thank you to Yolanda and Yoli and Carmen and Oscar for being such wonderful friends and taking on my problem as their own!!!  Click on photos to enlarge and read captions.

I intended to just publish these photos of Yolanda, Carmen and Yoli helping  to deal with the damage the skunk had wrought the night before, but as you will see if you read to the end, there was an interesting twist that lead to my relating another skunk story from 24 years ago. . If you haven’t already read it, to read Monday’s story, go HERE,  Then return to this page to read the rest of the story.

On the morning after the great skunk attack, Carmen and Yoli arrived  for their usual  English lesson, but instead, generously bathed and rebathed the dogs in a solution of hydrogen peroxide, dish soap and baking soda while Yolanda washed their cages and pads.

After an hour’s efforts and another hour of lessons, when I returned to my blog, I found these comments by Annie and my responses

When I had published the story of my dogs being sprayed by a skunk in the early morning of March 17,  I could not remember the Spanish name for skunk and every time I looked it up in a translator, it gave the traslation “Mofeta” which I had never heard of. It was Yolanda, arriving for work the next morning, who reminded me that skunk in Spanish was zorillo (as in that other fictional midnight visitor Zorro.)

So it was with some surprise that when I finally found time to look at comments for my blog that had described the encounter,  I found these comments from Annie H: (I’m repeating them here, along with my comments durring the two-day conversation that ensued:)

Annie H March 17, 2025 at 4:42 AM:  Zorrillo = skunk. Mofeta is more of a badger-type of animal, still stripey but not a skunk

Judy: March 18, 2025 at 6:40 AM: This is uncanny, Annie. How did you happen to mention a mofeta? I blanked out on the Spanish name for skunk and every time I tried to look it up in a translator on either my phone or computer, it said the translation was mofeta. I knew this wasn’t right, but just tried again and it said the same thing. It was the next day when Yolada finally clued me in that it was zorrillo! I never did mention the word mofeta in my blog, however, so your mentioning it seemed a bit of mental telepathy. Is your AI reading the mind of my AI?

Annie H March 18, 2025 at 7:09 AM:  I like a challenge, even if it was nearly midnight here!Mofeta rang a bell and as we don’t have skunks in Europe, I checked it out. This is where common names become confusing, and I had to look at the Scientific names. Both Mofeta and Zorillo are Spanish names for Skunk.Then I found this:”The Spanish word Mofeta for skunk originates in Europe but skunks are not native to Europe. In French is mouefette and in Italian it’s moffetta. It could be a corruption of the word Italian word muffa which means – mildew, mould, must or mustiness. All of which smell bad, generally.Skunks are also called polecats. There is a member of the badger/marten family here called a polecat, it is one of the smelliest of that family. And is occasionally referred to as a skunk. Ignore my previous comment about Mofetta being a relative of badgers. So, I was confused, especially at midnight when I was thinking of going to bed! Once zorillo came up, I thought – that’s it, I’ve heard that one before. I include westerns in my reading material, so that’s where I’d heard it.

Judy, March 18: Even more amazing, Annie, that you should mention polecat. I’m going to reprint a story in my blog that is a chapter of a book I published 8 years after my husband’s death. Look at today’s post to read it.

:And here is the story that Annie’s comments prompted me to retell:

Finding Spirit through the Sense of Smell.

         Lourdes wants to throw away the used up Virgin of Guadeloupe candle glasses on the mantle, but I stop her.  It seems dishonorable, like abandoning  friends who have sustained injuries while acting in your service.

These candles have been burning almost continuously since I arrived in Mexico.  One is by Bob’s picture on the window ledge in the kitchen and the other by his picture in the large locket propped up on the chimney mantle in the bedroom.  The candle  that would be hardest to throw away was  purchased on a kayaking trip to Baja California a few years ago.  I’ve burned it on special occasions ever since and have used its last few inches to keep a vigil for Bob.

It is not that Bob is around me all the time.  It’s that he’s there when I need him, like my own personal spirit.  I don’t even know if I think he’s really aware of me.  The point is that I’m aware of him and appreciative of the valuable things he brought to my life.

On that day in early December, after Pasiano the gardener left, I was overcome by a longing for Bob to be seeing the shadow of the tree outside the frosted glass of the bathroom window with the primitive Mexican sculpture on the window ledge, along with the blue glass jar full of papyrus.  I was so overcome by the beauty of the house and the view every single day.  With my heart, I wished that Bob could see it. With my brain, I knew that if he could see it now, as spirit, it would be unimportant to him.  When he needed to have seen it was while he was still in his body, still human enough to find beauty one of the most important things.

The day Rita and I moved my things into the house, Mario and I had moved Bob’s tall plasticine figure from the van up the steps to the second story studio.  He had made the figure in San Miguel and we had stored it in a storage facility here in Ajijic.  He had intended to cast it in Bronze, but in moving it, it had been much damaged.  I was not fond of it before.  I found it’s large feet somewhat silly–like a “Keep on Truckin’” figure.  Now I wondered about the integrity of changing it into something I liked  before casting it.  I feel the need to have his undone things finished for him–as I had done for 14 years.  His son Jeff had taken the only large metal sculpture which was not yet finished.  In the studio loft, I had found all of the molds for his sculptures.  Perhaps I would have them cast in Mexico.  Since we had worked so much together, even on the sculptures he finished in his life, it did not bother me to think of embellishing his bronzes in the way he had always done–each one different.

Bob had not been always with me since I moved to Mexico, but he had been much with me.  And although he seemed to be indicating to me what might be wise to do, his presence seemed more humorous than sinister.

On the day he died, skunks moved in under our house in California for the first time in 14 years.  The house was full of Bob’s kids and their wives, everyone working on a different project to honor Bob for his memorial celebration.  We could smell the faint odor of skunk, but were too busy to deal with it.  Maybe it would go away, we thought.  But on the day of his memorial celebration, we woke to an all-pervasive scent.  Debbie, our daughter-in-law, feared that we would have to cancel the celebration, but by afternoon the scent had wafted away.

A week or so later, I finally called the skunk removal man.  I had awakened in the middle of the night to a scent of skunk so strong that it brought me from a dead sleep.  “Bob,” was my first thought when I awoke, and before I fell back to sleep I expressed the deep sobbing sorrow I had expressed only a few times in the days since his death.  When I awoke, the scent  was gone.

Every day in the weeks before I finally left for Mexico, I smelled the odor of skunk.  We found seven different tunnels under the foundation into the dirt-floored part of the basement.  We sprayed, we trapped, we filled in.  In addition to three skunks, I managed to trap a mouse, a jay and three baby raccoons, who made such a racket that I thought I’d trapped a cougar.  As I opened the trap, they came tumbling out screeching, wrestling with each other,  frenzied in their need to be free.  But the moment they were a few feet from the cage they stopped, looked at me, then ambled back in my direction, more curious than frightened.

As I drove away from my home of fourteen years, I had more than skunks on my mind.  For four months, I had been packing, arranging documents, moving and storing and selling two lifetimes of accumulations.  I had closed down six studios, cleared out the two annexes to the wood studio, moved and sold and given away numerous tools.  I had engineered two moving sales with the help of friends, nursed Bob through two months of illness and three weeks of dying, talked to every friend either of us had ever made in our lives, written dozens of thank-yous.  Now I was about to drive alone to Phoenix to pick up the friend who would drive with me to Mexico.  But I was so bone weary that I could not keep my lids open.  The drive to L.A. was torturous as I bit my lip, slapped my face, jiggled my legs, turned the air conditioning on high, pounded my arms on the steering wheel until they were black and blue.  Somehow, I managed to keep myself awake.  When I dropped into bed in a motel north of L.A., I  fell immediately asleep.  The next day was just as bad.  Now and then through both days of driving, I would again catch the odor of skunk.  It was the cat, I’d think, but he was so buried in the mound of objects that filled the van that it seemed unlikely.  True, he had picked up the faintest odor of skunk from just being in the proximity of the odor for so long, but this scent that I smelled would come and go, whereas he was always present in the car.

Once in Mexico, the skunk theme persisted.  On my trip down with Bob, we had seen dead horses, dead burros, dead cows, dead cats and dead dogs in the road.  Once we had seen a possum, another time what appeared to be a badger.  But we had seen not one skunk.

On this trip down with Rita, however, we must have seen at least two dozen dead skunks in the road–probably many more.

Rita was in San Juan Cosala with me for about 4 days before having to return to the States.  After she left, the odor of skunk returned.  Every day I would catch a whiff –just one–of skunk odor.  Usually it was in the sala, but once it was in the bedroom.  Then a few nights after Rita’s departure, I awoke in the middle of the night to a pervasive odor of skunk.  I sat up, moved to the door to open it and smell the outside air.  Nothing.  When I returned to my bed, the odor was gone.  On the mantle, the candle by Bob’s picture flickered once, twice, three times.

The next day, I asked Celia if she believed in spirits.

“But of course,” she said. “What is important is that you learn to enjoy them.”

When I told her about the skunk odor, she said, “But if you had a candle burning, you should not have been able to smell the skunk. It is true, the candle it makes you not to smell the skunk.”

I then told her that that very day I had found the bag of Bob’s ashes in the closet.  The night before I left the states, my friends Dan and Laurie had brought over the seed-shaped urns for his ashes.  The plan was to fill each of ten urns with ashes, to seal them with wax,  and when the kids all came in May, to give each an urn to scatter as they wished and to scatter mine in the back yard.  His sister Barbara would get the remaining urn.  But I didn’t want to distribute the ashes by myself, so I had decided to wait until my friend Sharon came in December.  So, although Bob’s pictures resided in places of honor, his ashes were relegated to obscurity in the closet.

“Oh, we must bring Bob out of the closet,” said Celia.  “Tomorrow when we go to Guadalajara, it will be the first thing we do.”

And so within 24 hours, Bob was residing on the mantle in a terra cotta cookie jar with white spirals.  Next to him were the seed pod urns which seemed to number 11 instead of 10.  I knew this was for a reason, but I guessed that reason would reveal itself later.  After that time, there was no odor of skunk for two days.  Then came the day that my new friend Robert appeared at the gate.  It was the day that we went to the San Juan Cosala square and heard the computerized Christmas music at the shrine to the Virgin of Guadeloupe.  The day I met Michael and Nan.  The day we went for hamburgers in San Antonio.  My relationship with Robert was completely innocent.  There had never been a whisper of flirtation or sexual energy.  Yet when Michael called him “Bob,” it caused a shock wave to go up my spine.  It had occurred to me that his name was Robert and that Bob’s real name was Robert, but It had never occurred to me that this new Robert was a Bob as well.  My eyes teared over a bit, as they were wont to do at the strangest times.  Sometimes these chance mentions of something I associated with Bob would bring about a brief spell and then be over, but  at other times I seemed not to be able to contain the emotion, which would spill over in tears and sometimes sobs–especially in the presence of a sympathetic soul.  This was one of the times when the sensation passed quickly.

What would Bob think if he could see me out with another man?  Would he believe that it was innocent?  It was true that I felt still tied to him.  When the man at the Fiesta had asked me to have a drink with him, it was not just the fact that I was with Celia that held me back. I had answered him as a married woman might.  If Bob as spirit was aware of my actions in the world, surely he was also aware of my true feelings.  Perhaps more than I was.  So why was it that as we opened the car doors to go into the restaurant, that the familiar smell wafted over us?

“Huh, skunk!” said Michael, dispelling for once and for all the feeling that all of these aromas  might reside only in my imagination.

What I have written is the unexaggerated truth.  Perhaps a string of coincidences, but I prefer to call them synchronicities, and if I draw a measure of comfort from labeling this string of synchronicities as spirit–then what is the harm of it?

As Bob lay dying he yearned for me to accept his philosophy of life after death, in fact was angry with me for most of the last day we had alone together.  If I did not believe in his concept of a heaven where we could be together, then it made that union impossible.  He could not accept the fact that it could occur even though I had a different definition of life after death.  That I couldn’t accede to his dying wish is the thing that could torture me most if I would let it.  His irritation with me as I tried to nurse him and help him seemed just an outgrowth of his natural temperament and the intense pain he was going through.  The same thing had happened to my father.  Yet I wondered if part of the irritation was tied to what he saw as my stubborn refusal to accept his faith.  Over and over again he had asked me to read Swedenborgian literature.  I had tried, but the reading was so torturous for me and brought me so far from where he wanted it to bring me that I just couldn’t do it.  When I asked him instead to explain the philosophy in his own words, he couldn’t do it.  It was as hard for him to break through his wall of silence as it was for me to read boring pedantic words.

In this we were worlds apart–always were.  I needed to experience firsthand anything before seeing the truth in it.  For Bob, it was more a matter of reading about it and then spending long hours staring into space and thinking. I learned by talking or writing or doing.  He learned by reading and thinking.  He could never believe that  I could come to the same wisdom by experience that he came to through reading.  Nor did I ever feel that he had as much confidence and comfort in his faith as I had in mine. A few days before dying, he had approached the topic in his own way when he said to me, “I can’t believe that someone who professes not to believe in God could live her life so much as though she did.”  Now as I think about this I see that it is an exact statement of the difference between us.  He was coming so close to an understanding of  the similarity of our faith but his own faith kept him from seeing it as anything but a difference.

Somehow, as I lived on without him, I felt like this question of our communication was still being worked upon, each of us in our own way, with our own degree of dedication to the matter.  I continued to work out in life what he needed to figure out as pure abstraction.  That this could happen without either of us being kept from progressing on in the stage of life we were proceeding through did not seem impossible to me.  I was letting myself be led by Celia as well as the mystic happenings that continued to happen now and then.  In giving my whole life over to this new country, new friends, new experiences, I was trying to proceed along the path which would lead to what came next.  I had to believe that what ever path I took, I would carry Bob with me.   And it was appropriate to his personality that the messenger who brought me back to what I should remember was a bit of a stinker–insistent, beautiful, tenacious, impossible to deny with the senses.

It was my sister who reminded me a month or so ago that my dad’s nickname for me as a child had been “Polecat.”  I could imagine the two of them–Bob and Dad, who never met in life, meeting for the first time as spirits and coming up with this joint joke on me.  I hope it is true.  But unlike Bob, I don’t have total faith that it could be.  I just take the part of it I can hold on to.  And I hold on.

Judy’s note: I guess that what goes around comes around. Do you agree? There is a further tale to be told about my father and Bob’s otherworldly relationship that I discovered not long ago when going through Bob’s journals, but I may or may not tell it in the future.

 

Permanent Bond for MVB

Permanent Bond

Today as I walked by a shelf in the studio, I read the glue label marked, “Permanent Bond,” and my mind flashed back to when my niece gave birth. It was very important to her that she and her husband be left alone for a few days to bond with their child. My mother, who raised three girls without once hearing the b-word gave the sidelong look but said nothing.

Then my mind flashed back further. I had been called from the porch by the wild cat I had adopted two months before and sat with her as, like a ditto machine, she pumped out three small copies of herself. After these two most intimate hours of my life, how could I have given any of the kittens away? Of these four cats, two are now long dead, but the others have been with me for 11 years and I now have a name for the warm fullness I felt for the three tiny gray kittens.

These cats who leave small piles of organs in doorways—who insist on curling up on my hip or my shoulder as I lay reading, in spite of my allergic reaction to them—who meow insistently at  closed doors and shower cubicles. “Now, now, now, “ they insist. These cats who bring in baby rabbits, fleas, ticks, and the disembodied tails of salamanders to wriggle out of sight under the sofa—who bring me their infected cuts and  ears torn half-way off in cat fights—who, as kittens, could curl up three to a flower pot leaving the flower intact . These cats who know how to form a beautiful still life each time they come to rest—these cats to whom, I must admit, I have become bonded.

When I try to imagine where I will be in ten years, I see myself living somewhere wild, getting to know the local animals, getting wiser. I know that much of what I’ve learned about humans, I’ve discovered through living with animals. You have to be calm. Quiet. Let them come to you. Don’t grab and don’t make swift movements.

Some might call people with the temperament to calm animals boring. But if you look closely, you might see through to the quietness that fills out their beings. They have let the calmness take over. They have ceased fighting it.

I feel what might be this calmness, but wonder if it is instead numbness. And my mind works out the answer. Numbness is filled with emptiness whereas calmness is filled with small details. The line of blue bottles on the shelf. The red leaves at the very tip of the otherwise green plant. The curl of the cat’s head thrown forward onto i’s stomach. The outflung paw. The dear face of this most beautiful cat that I saw being born.

The MVB prompt today is Permanent

What is Gained by What is Lost

A hummingbird’s wing on the mat near the cat food bowls too tardily filled is a morning heartache, as was the tiny squirrel tail weeks ago.  “It must have been a baby,” said the neighbor who had lately asked me to trim my brush below in my lower lot that has been a refuge for squirrels. They climb over the wall, across his broad expanse of lawn, to intrude onto his high terrace porch. They dine on his nuts set out for guests. Nibble the flowers in his flower boxes.

I offered him the tail as a gift from my cats, but he flinched and rejected their offering. The means to our ends are not always the choices we would make, but nature bows neither to mercy nor wishes. Things happen that other things may happen after them. Death births progress. Progress sometimes ironically breeds death.

Life is a circle even though our own pursuit of it may be a line—winding or straight, even or jagged. Seen in the great expanse of things, if such things could be seen, a molecular part in the circle that is beyond our imagining.

Too late, I scoop the kibble into their bowls. Take the small tail rejected as an offering and tuck it into an arrangement on my windowsill that it may continue to serve as part of the beauty of this world.

 

 

Story Lines


Story Lines

I’m enlivened by my lineaments. They show where I have smiled.
Without them, I am sure my face would be too bland and mild.
It surely would be awkward if I had no tracks or lines.
A face would be so boring without channel marks or vines.

Wrinkles liven up a face. They show where it has been.
They tell what’s happened in one’s life, but don’t tell where or when.
They leave up to mouths and hands to embellish the story
with details more specific—more romantic, funny, gory.

Your face is the epitome of how you’ve lived your life.
It shows the tracks of pleasures, of sadness and of strife.
Without the stories that they tell, there’d be no place to look
anywhere on your body to read you like a book!

 

Word prompts today are lineament, epitome, awkward and liven.

Truth Serum

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Truth Serum

I’d like to form a splinter group of all the friends I know
to reconnoiter memories and then to tell and show.
Candidness, of course, would be most elemental—
telling truth and all the truth merely instrumental
in getting to the crux of things, in solving all the puzzles.
Life’s not got at best with blinders and with muzzles.

Our lives are rivers that we’d float together, in snug boats
comprised of past anecdotes from sagas to mere quotes.
Who hasn’t lived a movie if they’ve lived a life at all?
If only we had the courage, trust and gall 
to reveal our true life story—both its triumph and its shame
and to share it with each other with no censorship or blame.

The prompt words today are river, instrumental, memories and splinter.

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/01/12/rdp-saturday-river/
https://fivedotoh.com/2019/01/12/fowc-with-fandango-instrumental/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/01/12/your-daily-word-prompt-memories-january-12-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/01/12/splinter/

Raiding the Fridge: Leftover Salad

This same prompt was given five weeks ago.  If you didn’t read it then, here it is again.  While you chew on this, I’ll be trying to come up with a different topic to write on today!  Judy

Boxed Salad

The story of my life is like a salad–more palatable when someone else does the cutting up and the mixing. I don’t know what to leave out of a salad.  I put everything into it every time–lettuce chopped so fine it’s better eaten with a spoon, carrots, celery, purple onions, avocado, apples, walnuts, cranberries, green olives and croutons, blue cheese, balsamic vinaigrette. All chopped up and blended to within an inch of its life so that each bite contains a bit of each.  Delicious, yes, but not enough variety between bites, perhaps. All of the elements mix up so much it is impossible to taste the flavor of each.  They blend into a fresh hash that becomes another thing entirely.

And this is what my life is like, as well.  Everything is remembered in such detail that I can’t sort out the relevant facts.  No one thing stands out as being the thing to feature.  I can’t get the gist of events.  What does it mean–that year or more in Africa? Somehow, after a lifetime of reading books that  imply reasons for things, nothing in my own life makes sense anymore.

I try to look at myself objectively. What in her makeup made her fall in love with a man who would become her stalker? What makes her leave places where things seem to be working out fine to jump into a new location and situation where she is thrust once again into the role of stranger?  Does she think, perhaps, this time she will come closer to finding herself?  Or does she think it will be a chance to try out a new life without the censure of friends who expect her to be the same person she was yesterday or last year?

What writer more competent than myself could find the pattern where all these pieces fit together into a recognizable whole? Perhaps Barbara Kingsolver could determine more easily how I fit in to my time or Joyce Maynard could extract those details that would make my life read like a mystery. Anne Tyler could describe those eccentricities that make my family readable, even if they aren’t from Baltimore; and I could certainly use the help of Abraham Verghese in writing the portions of my life that took place in Ethiopia. But undoubtedly, these favorite writers are all embarked on projects of their own, so it is not likely that any will be forthcoming in helping me to solve the conundrum of my own life story.

It’s like all of the details of my life are jumbled together in one of those big boxes out in the garage that I haven’t opened in fourteen years.  Even if I could bring myself to open those boxes, how could I ever make sense of them?  Yes, there are all these little boxes as well–where I’ve sorted the very best details into stories or poems or essays.–but where do those little boxes fit within the shipping container of my life?

In spite of a lifetime of writing, I have to face the fact that I don’t have the skills to write my own biography. Perhaps my task was to get famous enough to prompt someone else to do the deed, but it is getting late in my life and that seems unlikely to happen.  My chances to become infamous are equally long past, or at least I hope they are.  I have no wish to become famous due to my misdeeds or eccentric behavior.  Perhaps it is enough to unpack these tiny boxes one by one on my blog–like little parts of the entire tossed salad of my life.  Not biography.  Just bites.

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The Prompt: Ghostwriter–If you could have any author –living or dead – write your biography, who would you choose?

(If you’d like to see today’s answers to this prompt by other people, go Here)