Tag Archives: poem about naughty boys

Seasonal No-Nos for RDP, Nov 12, 2024

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Seasonal No-Nos

Coal in your stocking? There’s a reason.
(You’ve commited Yuletide treason
if you’ve been Christmas present squeezin’.)
These forms of unkind family-teasin’
aren’t allowed during this season:
You aren’t allowed to rag on sister
just because her boyfriend kissed ‘er.
Cannot short-sheet brothers’ beds
or put such mischief in the heads
of younger siblings so they do
naughty mischief, taught by you!
Can’t tease the dog or put the cat,
curled up, in your grandpa’s hat.
Cannot set the hamster free
to frolic in the Christmas tree.
Cannot conspire to spike the punch
when preacher’s asked for Sunday brunch.
All sorts of rules I could tell
to relieve the seasonal Hell
of switches in your Xmas stocking,
but I will do no further talking
of naughty things that you could do
to direct Kris Kringle’s wrath towards you.
For you require no more instruction
concerning means of the destruction
of the plans of all the others:
grandparents, sisters and brothers,
parents, uncles, aunts and those
who’ve wrapped up books and toys and clothes
to make your Xmas bright and fun
(so long as you have wrapped up none
of the gag gifts formerly plotted:
broken, ugly, fetid, rotted.)
Please wipe such plans out of your head,
or you’ll be sent,hungry, to bed
presentless, alone, unfed!!!!!

For RDP: Seasonal  Image by Shutterstock

Early Release

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Early Release

He barely saw the morning view, he was in such a pother.
He skipped his juice and pancakes. He simply couldn’t bother.
Today no one could find a way to dispel his grief.
His nervousness was clear to all. He couldn’t find relief.
His summer bliss was over. The truth blatantly cruel
as his worst fears came true at last with the first day of school!
He dragged his book bag in the dust and lagged behind the others.
He’d be out at the fishing hole if he had had his druthers.
Pencils his ma had sharpened, he broke against the wall,
so when he had to write things down, he’d have no way at all.
He used his brand new ruler to pry up stones and rocks
to catch red ants and spiders to tie up in his socks.
He caught a lizard just before it zipped under a log,
and put it in his pocket with a field mouse and a frog.
So when he got to school he’d have ample ammunition
to bring the brand new school marm to a sure state of contrition
for imprisoning them all inside on such a nice fall day,
and school would get out early if he had his way!

Prompt words for today are grief, nervous, pother and morning view.

Just Desserts

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Just Desserts

Was my brother ornery or was he merely dumb?
Once he told me rubber bands were a new sort of gum
that didn’t blow good bubbles, but at least you could rechew it,
saving you the money of having to renew it.

Given any option, he was bound to choose the crazy one,
and if the choice involved some work, sure to choose the lazy one.
He always had ideas about how to do work faster,
and without exception, they resulted in disaster.

Like the time he used Dad’s blowtorch to trim all of our trees,
not taking into full account the briskness of the breeze
and set the house on fire, slightly singing the outside,
and when the firetrucks arrived, he asked them for a ride!

Once when men came to fix the roof, I heard the kitty mewing
and knew at once there was a chance that more mischief was brewing.
Whatever put it in his head to waterproof the cat
by dipping it from tail to neck in the tarring vat?

He’d do things like putting red ants inside my skirt,
and when my folks weren’t watching, he’d spit on my dessert,
then eat the rest himself when I asked to leave the table.
He found ways to torment me whenever he was able.

Entertainment such as this was what amused my brother,
giving ulcers to my dad and white hairs to my mother.
But growing up with brother turned out fortunate for me,
for he gave a clear pattern of what I shouldn’t be.

And now that I have kids myself to tend and love and cook for,
I have a sure advantage, for I know just what to look for.
I see things with my brother’s eye and remove such temptations
that might lead to misdirections in their moral educations.

And as for my brother’s childhood deportment flaws,
just desserts were finally served. I know this because
fate dished out the punishment for his childhood errors
by giving him two sons that I hear are holy terrors!

Prompt words today are waterproof, idea, head, ornery and option.