Tag Archives: Silly Poems

Tomboy

Tomboy

She ate all her spinach, devoured all her kale.
She lifted weights and cussed and spit, and still she wasn’t male.
She wanted to be Popeye, but instead was Olive Oyl.
Nothing that she ever did made her less a goil.

She wished on every rainbow, unequivocally,
did her affirmations and squeezed her rosary,
praying for delivery from this female form.
Because she had three brothers, she felt it not the norm.

But when she reached her teenage years, something slowly changed.
Somehow she felt more normal and slightly less deranged.
And though it took a little time, finally she did confess
shyly, to her mother, that she’d like to buy a dress.

She put her hair in curlers and scrubbed her scaly knees,
spent more time upon the phone and less time climbing trees.
Flirted with her brothers’ friends whom formerly she wrestled.
Wound up at the movies, very comfortably nestled

up against the shoulder of a guy named Paul
and found that somehow she felt great. She didn’t mind at all
that she had not been born a boy, because then she’d have missed
that feeling that she felt the very first time she was kissed.

Prompt words today are indeed, equivocal, female, rainbow and squeeze.

Kakorrhaphiophobia

Kakorrhaphiophobia*

Bemoan the fates of elephants unable to forget,
for it is a talent they’re likely to regret.
Those animals more vacuous have memories that fade
and they forget their failures as soon as they’ve been made.

The present of the wildebeest, for instance, bears no hint
of any past mistakes and so as he begins his sprint,
he has no qualms about his course and runs away assured
that he’s not being herded, sequestered, penned or lured.

So he puts all his energy in living out the present.
His days are worry-free and his nighttimes calm and pleasant.
Not so the worrisome elephant as all his past disasters
dealing with former problems with poachers, hunters, masters

influence every choice he makes in choosing what to do.
Every decision that he makes could be one that he’ll rue.
So don’t go thinking that a sterling memory is pleasant,
for keeping track of all the past can sure screw up your present!

*(The medical definition of kakorrhaphiophobia is abnormal fear of failure.)

Prompt words today are kakorrhaphiophobia, elephant, hint, vacuous and energy.

The Unlikelihood of Dieting

The Unlikelihood of Dieting

Her curvaceous days were over. She was striving for the minimum.
She wanted her face molded and her abdomen tight as a drum.
She curtailed breakfast waffles and cookies, cakes and pies
and bought a stationary bike to exercise her thighs,
but to coin a phrase I fear her chances were slim pickens
so long as there were French fries and Colonel Sanders chickens!

Prompt words today are over, coin, curvaceous, curtail and minimum.

If I seem to be obsessed about losing weight and body image lately, blame the prompts and the fact that my friend keeps making me eat ice cream!!!

Die Laughing


Die Laughing

Much of his popularity 
stemmed from his jocularity.
Those who described him as laconic
were certainly being ironic,
for he was fond of show and tell—
where he was rumored to excel
and used his talents more than once
to amuse a captive audience.
His violent end was unexpected.
His funny bone became infected
and went for too long undetected
until his remains were dissected.
But all agreed he’d be amused
to know a bone so overused
would be the one that would so lend
itself to bring about his end.

 

Prompt words today are jocularity, laconic, amused, violent and show. Image by Denis Agati on Unsplash, used with permission.

The Blooming Desert

 

The Blooming Desert

Jeeze, Louise!!!!!
Is that your sneeze
that filled this little desert room,
louder than a sonic boom,
and not, in fact, the house collapsing?
Just your allergies relapsing?

More than just a sniff or sneeze—
Not the slightest little breeze,
but one that brings one to one’s knees,
and makes polar icecaps unfreeze!
Although we love the blooming clover,
would that its flowering was soon over.

The palo verde and barrel cactus
have tended to over-impact us.
Morning glory and prickly pear
have proven more than we can bear.
As beauteous as they are, I fear,
what pleases eye just tortures ear!!!

 

Click on flowers to enlarge.

For NaPoWriMo (Not to prompt, I’m afraid.) I woke up with the first four lines of this poem in my head and they pulled me in after them to write this little impromptu poem. Also, for Cee’s FOTD.

Biker Wedding

Biker Wedding

Though I’m just your uncle and backward at that,
I’m exceedingly fond of my sister’s sweet brat.
I hear there’s a  biker you’re eager to wed
and though I’d suggest  a nice banker instead,
I’m here not to alienate, but advise
(since I am your kin who’s most apt to be wise.)

Instead of a veil you’ll be wearing your patches
and learning his lingo by listening to snatches
of biker bar gossip and those conversations
spawned over road talk and major libations.
You’ll be in your flannels and Kevlar-lined denim
(I’m sure that no bride ever looked better in ’em.)

You’ll whisper “I do” and then exchange your patches
before you head out for a ride down to Natchez.
But, first things being first, you have asked me to aid
in getting your wedding invitations made.
I’ve checked out your spelling. The words are all fine.
Only the printing may be out of line.

Though responsible service may not be impossible,
are you quite sure that leather is embossable?

Prompt words today are uncle, alienate, backward, responsible and service.

Garden Scandals

photo by Derrick Knight.


Garden Scandals

“Campanula and cryptomeria together in one bed?

I find it very scandalous,” the one who found them said.

Such shocking behavior from ones of mixed genera.

Perhaps you could move one of them to a far-distant terra?

I found this in my notes.. I think it was a comment I once sent to Derrick or someone else who mentioned these two plants coexisting in their garden. Couldn’t find photos of them in my picture file but Derrick, perhaps you have a photo you’d like to contribute?

Ha! Derrick Knight came through. Click on the link to see his original photo and post. He publishes daily photos of his Wife Jackie’s garden and other rambles. Thanks, Derrick for the photo above. Have you removed the campanula or do scandals continue to go on in your garden?

New Year Greetings for a Fashionista


New Year Greetings for a Fashionista

Can your wardrobe accommodate clothes tight and loose?
Yellow and purple and pink and chartreuse?
What say you of maroon and mustard and puce?
Have you anything velvet? Silk or charmeuse?
Do you leap to acquire the newest of fashions?
Are ripped jeans and bare midriffs your current passions?
Are clothes an impulse, a way that you play?
Do they fill up your dreams and round out your day?
If so, then my wish for two thousand twenty
is that you have closets and hangers aplenty.
May you be fully satisfied trying on clothes,
and be shrouded with fashion from shoulders to toes!!!

Prompt words today are puce, accommodate, leap, impulse and play.

Hop Scotch (Don’t Worry. Be Happy!)

                       Click on photos to enlarge.

 

                                  Hop
Scotch

                      “How green is blue?” the child asks,
“What is the taste of pink?”

                        A prodigy koan-master
 with a novel way to think,
                        such problems keep a child’s mind
engaged in matters other
                         than all the daily problems
of a father or a mother. 

                         No spider ever stumbles
when spinning out her strands,
                         for the feet she walks around on
are really only hands.

                         No specter of a problem
ever plagues a goat.

                          He simply feeds upon the world
and lives his life by rote.

                       And so it is with children.
They go from thing to thing

                      with no worries of the outcomes
that their acts might bring.

                       They leave to human adults
the worries of such things

                        and simply live with pleasures
that every new day brings.

Prompts for today are “How green is blue?spider, stumble, specter and goat.

Dear Joan (Note Found Pinned to a Husband Left at the Curbside)

Dear Joan
(Note Found Pinned to a Husband Left at the Curbside )

We’ve been friends for forever, but I fear that we are through.
I have no further patience for the awful things you do.
Pretending to be humble, but not shouldering  the blame,
you’re just a kindred spirit in appearance and in name.
There’s no need for thanksgiving for you are that crafty kind
who is an ally when it’s easy but vanish in a bind.
Your friendship is fair weather, for you suddenly get busy
when good times are over and my life is in a tizzy.

I find myself alone in most times of perturbation.
Then you reappear when it is time for celebration.
Our need for help’s not only when we’re rolling in the clover,
so when it comes to friendship, I think our time is over.
A real friend should be one who also shares in all your sorrows
instead of all that sharing that happens when she borrows
appliances and money, your clothes and then  your house.
Then before you notice it, she’s borrowing your spouse.

So I must insist that you find a different friend.
There is really nothing new left for me to lend.
You’ll need a better job now that you have my honey,
for I am the one, my dear, who’s always had the money.
You’ll be needing to support him in his accustomed manner.
He needs a proper tailor and a booth to make him tanner.
He prefers the Riviera, Monte Carlo for the gambling,
a Lear jet for his weekends, Maseratis for his rambling. 

He was whining like a puppy—a most pitiful yelp—
when I dumped him at your walk-up, so I hope that you can help
him carry all his baggage up to your third-floor flat.
I fear he’s not accustomed to labor such as that.
Feed him three square meals a day. He fancies caviar.
But watch him like a hawk. I wouldn’t trust him very far.
You might survey your friends again and find one who is plucky
who will take him off your hands for you if you are really lucky!!!

 

Prompt words today are humble, shoulder, kindred, thanksgiving and kind. Photo by 俊逸 余 on Unsplash, used with permission.