He is an aficionado of all things fine and rare.
He judges friends on what they eat as well as what they wear.
His taste is never arbitrary. He knows what is right,
and contrary preferences are sure to cause a fight.
Intricate directions are issued to his staff
and any omission is a fireable gaffe.
So, though he showers every day and his name is Jack,
Everybody calls him “Old Sour Balls” to his back.