Category Archives: humorous poem

Sneaky Peeky

25 Replies

Sneaky-Peeky

I’ll admit I’m not exempt
from feelings that are quite verklempt,
for I find it over-pleasant
when opening a Christmas present
to find that object wrapped inside
(the very one you tried to hide,
but in fact, through search and guile
I’ve known about for quite awhile.)

I discovered it a week ago
as I was searching high and low
to see what you had bought for me.
I simply couldn’t wait to see.
Yet see me ahh and oh and ooh,
putting on a show for you?
What you see as over-reacting
is in fact just over-acting.

Prompt words today are joy, guile, present and verklempt.

 

 

One Time Guest

9 Replies

One Time Guest

Adroit in her procrastination, glorious in her folly,
she bombed at being punctual, was great at being jolly.
The life of every party, she was a lively guest.
At entertaining festive folks she was the very best.
And though she ate her mashed potatoes and gobbled up her fishes,
she balked at setting tables and refused to do the dishes.
So, though at entertaining, she surely had the knack,
it’s not at all surprising she was not invited back.

 

Prompt words for today are procrastinate, adroit, bomb and glorious.

Man Child

7 Replies

 

Man Child

He’s a bomb at being serious. He’s jolly, rash and wild.
In essence, he’s never grown up. He’s a perpetual child.
His rustic simplicity is anything but charming,
for he’s redolent of fishing smells and horse riding and farming.

His impetuosity has often brought on trouble,
leading to some barroom brawls and the resulting rubble.
For all these things, he’s won a sort of infamous renown,
and he’s banned from almost all the pubs in his little town.

The local folks have made excuses for him all his life,
but such crass indulgences won’t garner him a wife.
He’d like to have some kids himself–a most unlikely bid
so long as he himself insists on acting like a kid.

Word prompts for today are bomb, jolly,  rustic simplicity, impetuous.

Alfresco Dining Plans

3 Replies

Alfresco Dining Plans

Kitties make the most of serendipity
as they wait for squirrels in the shadow of a tree.
If they’re very silent, the squirrels do not see
and they ooze down to the grass oh so fluidly.

Squirrels have a preference for nuts that may be found
matured on the tree but fallen to the ground—
nourishment the tree has propined for their use,
not accounting for the kittens’ cruel abuse.

So nature feeds on nature every single day,
but it’s a happy ending. The squirrel got away.
The kittens, on the other hand, had no cause to pout.
They merely had to make do with the kibble I dished out!


 

Prompt words for today are kitties, preference, serendipity and propine.

Dog Smarts

11 Replies

 

Dog Smarts

My dog is a rapscallion, ingenious and quick.
I rarely have an ice cream where he doesn’t steal a lick.
Every time I think that It’s not happening this time,
he gets the better of me with his little mime.

First he feigns indifference so I’m caught off my guard,
and then in a mere second, he’s running through the yard,
my cone extending from his jaws as though he is a bird.
So rapid that to try to run and catch him is absurd.

But in my desperation, I do so anyway.
I aimed to teach a lesson that crime doesn’t pay,
so I bought another cone–my second one today,
and took him on a walk with me, licking all the way.

I wouldn’t look the other way. I wouldn’t get distracted.
The seizure of my ice cream cone would not be reenacted!
It was my dog who got distracted  by a small dog with a bone.
By the time that I caught up with him, the other dog lay prone

with my dog above him, thinking that he alone
should have it, so you guessed it, I offered him my cone!
And so my efforts foiled again, I resorted to barter,
demonstrating once again, my canine friend is smarter.

Prompt words today are rapscallion, ingenious, desperation and rapid.

As Her Majesty Ordains

24 Replies

As Her Majesty Ordains

An extraordinary show pooch, she was top dog in her class.
Her coat was long and silky and glittered like fine glass.
Her canine teeth were pearly, her tail a lovely plume.
Every eye turned toward her when she walked into a room.

Her master, pumped-up in his pride, gloried in her fame.
Every judge in every show knew her fabled name.
At shows he closely guarded her from every dog she met.
Never took her walking, lest her feet get wet.

Not once had she chased a ball, a rabbit or a stick.
She couldn’t jump in leaves for her coat was just too thick.
Her master feared she’d sully it and he would be the one
who’d pay with time spent grooming her if she had some fun.

But the neighbor was her savior when her master was away,
for he would come into her yard and they would run and play.
Fetching sticks and playing tug-rope and racing through the yard,
she could simply be a doggie and let down her royal guard.

But one day her master came home in the middle of the morning
and caught them in their playtime with nary a pre-warning.
He promptly whistled for his dog to bring it to an end,
casting a baleful look at his pet’s clandestine friend.

But her highness did not deign to come, in spite of all her training.
No matter what her master did, she ended up remaining
close to her only playmate–hoping the yells would end,
but instead her master fumed and shouted at her only friend.

“You hogamadog? I going to steal your cat one day!”
(Did I reveal he was Italian? You know they talk that way.)
And did I say the neighbor had a cat? He did, you know, of course.
(Sometimes when I talk, the cart goes on before the horse.)

But the whole thing ended happily. The neighbor pled his case
and before the day was over, the dog’s master joined the chase.
The neighbor helped with grooming after they all jumped in leaves,
thereby doing in one of the master’s former peeves.

Did I introduce the owner? His first name was Giuseppe.
Oscar was the neighbor, both duplicitous and peppy.
Duchess was the given name of the illustrious bitch
who improved her retrieval once her master learned to pitch.

 

Prompt words for the day are pearl, fumes, hogamadog and glitter.

Then and Now

8 Replies

 

Then and Now

That spontaneous body that moved with swish and sway
never quite believed that there would come a day
when spring would turn to sprang and run turn into ran
and movement would become a thing achieved by plot and plan.

Dancing done in memory raises less of a sweat.
When we swim in remembrance, rarely do we get wet.
Every action has two pleasures. The first is when we do it,
but it’s equally fantastic later on when we review it.

 

Prompt words today are swish, body, spontaneous and fantastic.

Locationally Challenged

18 Replies

Locationally Challenged

I’ve misplaced my glasses. Yesterday it was my keys.
If they weren’t attached, I’m fairly sure I’d lose my knees.
Some say I’m absent-minded, others say I am forgetful,
but whatever you may call me, you can bet I’m often fretful.

Whenever I walk through my house, I am forever gleaning
things I’ve lost throughout the week since Yolanda’s last cleaning.
But though I look for hours, my passport just stays lost.
I obsess about it all week long. My dreams are tempest-tossed.

Monday morning, when she arrives, it takes her just a minute
to approach me with her hand held out with my passport in it!
Ironic that though I’m the only one here who can use it,
that I also seem to be the only one who can’t peruse it!

First I lost my laptop and then I lost its mouse.
I looked under the sofa. I combed the whole darn house.
I sought it in the hammock, in the front seat of my car.
It wasn’t on the bathtub ledge, the table or the bar.

Finally, I found it in the last place where you’d look—
on the shelf above the kibble in the doggie nook!
Too many things to think about. Too many things to do.
I simply have to find a way where I can shed a few.

I’ll sacrifice my waistline and a smooth complexion. 
I’ll put up with my creaky bones and energy’s defection.
Just to keep my memory is all that I am asking,
like back when I was young and I excelled at multi-tasking.

 Prompt words for today are misplaced, bet, legendary and glean.

Last Time I Went A-Wassailing

8 Replies

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Last Time I Went A-Wassailing

Having voracious appetites for whimsy and for wine,
and although the custom is not culturally mine,
I find passing the wassail cup  simply too divine.
Sadly, with each passing, I’m increasingly supine
until the floor once under foot ends up under my spine.

Asked to leave the party when I got out of line,
I thought I’d go a-caroling somewhere except online.
Alas, I lost my Wassail cup near Hollywood and Vine,
and afterwards my harmonies started to decline.
So if you dare to venture out and take the same bus line,
 if you find a Wassail cup, it’s certain to be  mine!!

Prompt words today are wine, voracious, wassail, and whimsy.

Wassailing is a British tradition, but how it was initially performed seems to have varied by region. The most modern version involves wishing good cheer and health in the coming year to the people around you, usually while drinking a warm spiced punch. The wassail beverage likely started as a hot, sweetened mead or wine. Nowadays, the punch is a bit more complex, with fall spices, fruit juices, and sometimes other liquors added to the mulled wine or cider.

Luxuriating in Being Left

8 Replies

Luxuriating in Being Left

In retrospect the loss of you has turned into a gain.
I’m rejoicing in the comfort of not having to explain.
I can do just what I want to, every day and every hour.
I am a snool to no one. I do not cringe or cower.
I sleep in in the morning with no breakfast to prepare.
I can dress the way I want to, choose the length of my own hair.
When I go to bed at night, I spread out in the middle.
I’m cool as any cucumber, not bacon on a griddle.
I wish your new love well with you, but I’m fine as I am,
for it’s the truth that when you left, I didn’t give a damn!

 

Prompt words today are nacre, comfort, rejoice and explain. Snool is an additional word I may or may not use.  The definition of snool is: a cringing person, to cringe or cower, or the opposite: to reduce to submission, cow or bully. There is one extra word today because I also used yesterday’s word from on prompt site because it was published too late to be used yesterday.