Category Archives: Humorous Rhymes

Imprudent.

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Imprudent

An hour ’til midnight and still I’d not
written anything but rot.
The problem is, I’m not a student
of anything that smacks of “prudent.”
Especially when it comes to writing.
How can prudent be exciting?
A friend from whom I asked advice—
a guy who’s usually nice—
said, “Just write a limerick.”
“Yech!” I screamed. They make me sick!”
The problem is, time after time,
they are not funny and do not rhyme.
His advising role I here recuse,
and declare him as my anti-muse.

(This poem is based on a real conversation at the end of which I declared that I didn’t want to talk to him for 20 minutes, at the end of which I’d have a poem.  Done!!!  Not much, but better than a limerick! And I finished, proofed, tagged and posted in exactly 20 minutes.)

The prompt today is “prudent.”

 

 

Purple Passion

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Purple Passion

My days of purple passion regrettably are over—
all those desktop gropings and rollings in the clover.
His need to perform publicly an act that should have been
romantically private? I was reluctant to back then.
But now that passion seems to be on permanent vacation.
We old gals get excitement by our over-lunch relation
of bygone tales of passion, in fact it is a blast
trading juicy tidbits as we share a light repast.
It seems that we get pleasure in sharing just a few
public recitations of what we were loath to do.

.

The prompt word today was purple.

Out of Scope: Symbiosis from Afar

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Out of Scope: Symbiosis from Afar

Although you might feel I abhor you,
I don’t mind doing these things for you;
but truth is, all things done together
need a rather lengthly tether.
We might do better at symbiosis
if it were not for your halitosis.

 

Symbiosis was today’s prompt word. Images borrowed from stock photos.

Take Ordinary Caution

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Take Ordinary Caution

As pallbearer for my friend Larry,
I heard these deaths were ordinary
and if a fellow wished to  parry
his own demise, he should be wary
of our town apothecary.

For each he saves, there’s one they bury.
That is why I’m sorta wary,
and why I find his sign so scary
and ironically cautionary
when I read it’s “Cash and Carry.”

The prompt word today was ordinary.

Generational Drift

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Generational Drift

It’s a symptom of their stage of life,
a product of their age.
Adolescents have to disagree
and posture, pout and rage.

That teenage chemical is now
rampaging through each vein,
bringing self-doubt, embarrassment,
confusion and disdain.

Nothing so discomforting
as advice of a parent.
Teens crave emancipation,
but go through with it? They daren’t.

They may neglect their family time
in favor of their friends.
The list of what is wrong with you?
Somehow it never ends.

If you could just dress better,
they might find it easier to
admit you were their parents
when they run into you.

But as it is they meet your eye,
their own eyes simply narrowing.
They walk by like a stranger.
To address you would be harrowing.

You rip your jeans and cut your hair
so it looks freshly tumbled,
but you cannot please them.
If you try, you will be humbled.

“Gross,” they’ll say, “You’re not a kid,
so why attempt to be one?”
But if you keep your present look,
they’ll say that you are no fun.

How can one be as old as you
and not know anything?
For their advice, they’ll go online
to consult the I Ching.

Ouiji boards and seances
bring advice from the past.
It seems words really ancient
contain more of a blast.

So parents, do not anguish
if you can’t reach your at-hand kids,
Just wait ’til you have passed away
and talk to your great-grandkids!

The prompt today is symptom.

Total Immersion

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Version 2

Total Immersion

When it came to one diversion,
I fear I went total immersion.
I seemed to be in watching mode
as episode after episode,
the story line just seemed to flow,
and I watched two seasons in a row!

But now I find myself confessing
Netflix can be curse or blessing;
for I’ve found at end of day,
they’ve taken “Men in Trees” away.
Now I mourn its loss. The reason?
They cancelled after second season!!!

 

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I’ve been without TV by choice for most of the time since 1987. The reason initially was because my husband’s daughter, who was having problems in school, came to live with us. I wanted to encourage her to read, so we had the TV cable cancelled.  By the time that she moved back with her mother a few years later, I found that I liked my life without the diversion of television.  my mother taped and sent her favorite shows, without commercials, as did my sister, so I had my own personal TiVo even before it was invented. With time on TV limited, I turned to other pleasures—mainly gardening and working in the studio.  

A few years after I moved to Mexico, I did connect to Satellite TV, but when my service provider skipped town with the year’s subscription money in his pocket, I decided not to renew with another provider. Very shortly thereafter, Netflix became available in Mexico; and so I find myself watching very old series that most have already seen: Friends, Heartland, and most recently, Men in Trees!  I allowed myself the luxury of watching the entire two seasons in a week or so.  Characters came to seem like old friends, then vanished forever.  I mourn their loss.

 

The prompt today was immerse.

Nervous Nibbling

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Nervous Nibbling

Why am I so nervous? I can’t seem to remember,
yet I am as edgy as a kid is on December
twenty-fourth. I cannot seem to get to sleep.
My angst grows as I lie here trying to count sheep.
Something niggles me, but I don’t know at all
what might be perturbing me. I just can’t recall.
If I could fall asleep, I might dream a solution,
but dreamtime will not come. I suffer thought-pollution.
With clouds of agitation floating overhead,
I just can’t remain here stewing in my bed.
I haul my sorry body to the refrigerator.
I’ll have some chocolate ice cream and regret it later.
A chicken leg, some pudding, another macaroon.
Those chips up in the cupboard will join them pretty soon.
My bags and bowls surround me as I flick on the tube.
I spend hours staring at that hypnotic cube.
Then my alarm clock sounds and I am jerked awake.
My heart starts to palpitate. My hands commence to shake.
I suddenly remember what bothered me back then.
Today’s the day I set for my diet to begin!

 

The prompt word today was nervous.

Back Seat Driver

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Back Seat Driver

You are a lovely woman, Kate—
enough to cause my breath to bate,
enough to stun and addlepate—
but if we stop to ruminate
each time we reach another gate,
it is my fear that we’ll be late.
Why not let me cogitate
when forward progress to abate?
If necessary, I vow to wait
as we wage a long debate
on whether to go left or straight
as we approach the interstate,
but each time you excoriate,
criticise or agitate
for route changes, I rue my fate
the day I set up this blind date!!!

From: Your very competent driver, Nate


The prompt today was ruminate.

Fancy Words

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Fancy Words

Don’t we adore fancy words? Don’t we love to use them?
Still, it is annoying when some choose to abuse them.
When “geddouddahere” would do to tell pests when to go,
they use “begone!” to banish them in words more rococo.

Their need to parlay simple words, I fear I find most gruesome.
A tasty meal’s not good enough. They see repasts most toothsome.
While we argue, they asservate, assiduously stating
things that all of the rest of us are fine with just debating.

They see themselves as bon vivants, most clever and most charming,
They complicate the simplest words at rates we find disarming.
A lady we call beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, cool,
they find pulchritudinous. Where did they go to school?

“Piquant” they use religiously, though most of us denounce it.
Yes, we agree it’s pretty, but we just can’t pronounce it.
Slow music is andante, dark closets are aphotic.
As they rave on, each alloquy tends to get hypnotic.

What the rest of us get rid of, they alleviate.
They do not use contractions.  They don’t abbreviate.
They’re intent on gamboling while we’re just being silly.
They see the landscape undulating. We just find it hilly.

Forsooth, they have no wherewithal to get where they must go?
We’re all willing to chip in. We hope they don’t go slow!
They are extremely irritating, though they do not know it.
It’s not easy dealing with a friend who is a poet!!!

Parlay?  The prompt of the day is parlay?????

Mame

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Version 2

Mame

Compose a ballad for Auntie Mame,
famous of body and of name,
and make the music slow and sad
as we revere the moves she had;
for all those parts she chose to wiggle
eventually began to jiggle.

Those shocking movements that won her fame
were finally ones she had to tame,
and all the fellows who once came
to see her at her sexy game
seem to have vanished, to have flown
once her parts moved on their own.

No matter that she lived by art—
how wide her fame, how big her heart—
once revered parts began to swing,
I fear her peeping Toms took wing.
What wives saw as depravity,
I fear she lost to gravity.

Yet years that held her in their sway
could not take her spirit away.
In some assisted living facility,
she still displays agility.
Her movements, true, may be much slower
and certain displayed parts much lower.

Her scarves are larger and tightly wrapped
where once they fluttered and they flapped,
but still admirers hoot and holler
and grace her g string with a dollar.
So sing her praises far and wide.
She’s still the tart she was inside.

The prompt was jiggle.