Tag Archives: silly answers

“Off Notes” For Fibbing Friday, Mar 8, 2024

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My sister Betty started a family tradition by playing a saxophone later handed down to my sister Patti, then me, then my niece Cintra!!  It must now be at least 75 years old. I wonder where it is now!  I dedicate this piece to Patti and Cintra, who are together now in Arizona.

For Fibbing Friday, the challenge is a supposed musical interlude:

1. What is a French horn?  A former Parisian lady of the night who went to school and became a nurse.  (French ho RN) I came back and read this a week later and couldn’t figure it out, either, so thought I’d give a clue.)

2. What is a cornet? A very small callus on a toe caused by too much time spent in the marching band.

3. What is a clarinet?   ‘S  a  cream pastry with chocolate frosting served in a small mesh  takeout bag.

4. What is a snare drum?  ‘S an Eardrum pronounced in a southern accent.

5. What is a viola?  An unpleasant one night stand.

6. What is a double bass?  A set of conjoined fish.

7. What is the difference between a Concert, Upright or Grand? The first is a musical presentation. The second is a musical position and the third a musical pretension.

8. What is campanology?  An impossibility, because there is really nothing to compare to the truly flamboyant!! 

9. What is a trombone? It is what the llp bone is connected to.

10. What is timpani? A type of drum made out of a tin frying pan.

Fibbing Friday, Mar 1, 2024

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Murdo Grade School

 

These are more recycled questions from Teresa Grabs who was the Fibbing Friday originator :

  1. What is the most intelligent life form on Earth?  Duh. AI, of course!!!!
  2. Why did we really go to school?  For Recess.
  3. What did teachers do during recess? Oops. You aniticipated my answer to number 2! That said, I’m sure they sat at their desks missing us.
  4. How did you get to school? I walked…through wind, rain, snow, sleet…to my school which was directly across the street from my house. My parents never once drove me.
  5. What was life like before the Internet? Butterfly nets, basketball nets, net stockings, 
  6. What is the best thing about social media? No whiffs of bad breath.
  7. What is your favorite thing to put chocolate sauce on? My tongue.
  8. Doctors were all wrong…humans don’t need water. What do they need? Cheetos Torciditos.
  9. Dolphins are not mammals. What are they? The  second most intelligent life form on Earth, right after AI
  10. There is a Lost Dutchman’s Mine, but where is it? If we knew, it wouldn’t be lost, would it? 

 

For Fibbing Friday

“Best Attempts” for Fibbing Friday, FEB 23, 2024

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1.  What is an orderly? The opposite of a chaotic.
2. What is an auxiliary? A hospital for sick oxen.
3. What is a clip? A fingernail shaving.
4. What does ECG mean?  Eat Carefully, Girl! (Mother’s parting instructions to her daughter leaving for her first dinner date.)
5.  What is The Crash Team? Every college student the night before a final.
6.  What is a candy striper? Someone responsible for adding the red to candy canes.
7.  What is an IV? The Roman numeral after III and before V.
8.  What is a call button?  A shirt closure for hire.
9.  Why is everything white? Because you are in a hospital.
10. Why don’t they have biscuits on the tea trolley? Because they just donut!

FOR PENSITIVITY’S FIBBING FRIDAY

Hallofourthofvalenmas

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1953

 

Hallo-fourthof-valen-mas

This festival’s the weirdest of any that I’ve seen—
a crazy combination of Christmas and Halloween.
The hire-a-Santa in the mall wears bear paws on his feet
and when the kids climb on his lap, they mutter, “Trick or Treat!”
Below the Christmas wreaths above, door knockers are kept busy
as grandmas baking Yule logs are kept in a fine tizzy
by swarms of little carolers who can barely reach
the door knockers, who gather with arms up to beseech
the homeowners for candy after every song,
then stuff it in the Christmas stockings that they brought along.

Scores of scavengers dressed  up like shepherds or like kings
as well as Virgin Marys or angels sporting wings
abandon Christmas pageants to Trick-or-Treat instead.
You might ask me by what edict the world was made to wed
Halloween and Christmas? What legislative body
chose two celebrations equally over-gaudy
and mixed them both together to try to regulate
the number of occasions  on which we celebrate?

I think it was the W-H-O that thought up this solution
to try to deal with Covid and to try to curb pollution,
then issued this weird sentence and made us all comply
to celebrate all holidays on the fourth of July!
And so in combination with the skeletons and holly,
as witches and small ghosts are enjoined to act more  jolly,
fireworks are exploding in the sky far up above,
and as they trick-and-treat they also express love
by handing out their valentines—kill two birds with one stone
by trading hearts for Hershey bars with a ghostly moan.
And that’s how Hallo-fourthof-valen-mas has come to be
the only time when we’re allowed a group festivity.
And since part of it’s Halloween, without being asked
every guest, no matter what their politics, comes masked!!!

 

In question 4069, Ann Koplow has asked us to describe a new holiday. This is mine.

Fibbing Friday, Feb 16, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday, Feb 16, 2024 the questions are:

1. Jonah wasn’t swallowed by a whale…he was swallowed by a  Wave. He was rescued by a Whale.
2. Who (or what) could make even the fiercest pirate quake in his boots? Ma Kettle
3. What did Huckleberry Finn have to really paint? Little Girl in Blue, but Mary Cassatt got the  credit.
4. What is the best food that can be paired with red wine? Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
5. What are you wearing in the sun? Duh. A sunsuit, of course.
6. Why do dogs chase after cars? Someone put a bone on the back bumper rail.
7. What did the cat say to its kitten about the humans? They’re not Purrrfect, but they’ll do.
8. Goldfish are not fish. What are they? Crackers
9. What would you rather do instead of sleeping?  Write about it.
10. The Phantom didn’t haunt the Opera House…He haunted the  outhouse, where he scared the _ _ _ _ out of everyone. 

Image by Todd Cravens on Unsplash.

I dedicate these less than stellar answers to my sister Patti, who said she was suffering withdrawal because i had chosen not to do the Fibbing Friday this week. As usual, I minded her and did the prompt.

Fibbin’ Friday, Jan 26, 2024

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The challenge for Fibbing Friday this week is to interpret these words or phrases::

1. “A few sandwiches short of a picnic” What you get when you send a hungry kid to the deli to pick up your order for the party.

2. “Bagsy” My mysterious guest in my garden a few weeks ago.  (See him HERE.)

3. “Bog-standard”  My East Indian doctor, Dr. Adnatsgob’s  door sign, seen in a mirror.

4. “Budge up”  My dad’s advice to me when I asked him for a loan.  “Nope. No way. Better budge up instead!”

5. “Chinwag” My dog’s response to the smell of a bag of McDonald’s hamburgers.

6. “Faff” That sound a can of hair spray makes when it has just run out of spray.

7. “Full Monty”  Monty Python after the cast picnic when you haven’t sent a hungry kid to the deli to pick up your order for the party.

8. “Give me a tinkle on the blower”:  Donald Trump’s entreaty at the Ritz Carlton in Moscow.

9. “On it like a car bonnet”  What you answer, pointing to your head, when a friend asks you where the bird shit on you.

10. “Tickety-boo”  What your offense is called when a cop gives you a ticket for  sneaking up behind him and scaring him.

Fibbing Friday for Jan 19, 2024

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For Pensitivity’s Fibbing Friday  the prompts to define are:

1. Biscotza: A pizza with a biscotti crust.
2. Blabbermaul: Mobster’s girlfriend who turned informant
3. Brutz : Mean men
4. Buss: Transportation for serpents
5. Doplich: A strap with which you lead a dop around.
6. Schnickelfritz: Your answer to your friend’s query about your very bad cheap permanent.
7. Strubbly: A short person with an effervescent personality
8. Glickleck: A French request for a hickey.
9. Grex: Your second husband’s response when your first husband strides into the room.
10. Schnitz: A thin, fried cutlet of meat with a bite taken out of it.

Image by FreePik

What are These??? For Fibbing Friday, Jan 5, 2024

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Toecover: My attempt at remembering the word for socks now that I am at a certain advanced age.

Scurryfunge: A form of mildew found on rodents.

Dutch Feast: Edam and stoopwafel.

Iktsuarpok: An expression of revulsion over a walking companion who walks at a too- slow rate. (Icks! You are poke!!!  (As in slowpoke.) I admit, it is a stretch.  How about, Someone agreeing that people named Katy make good contortionists? (Aye, Katies, warp okay!! ) This is a redo because Derrick took occasion to my first answer. Must admit, I don’t blame him. This one is a real stretch!  Let’s blame it on Pensitivity.

Rakefire: When the boss terminated your employment for jilting his daughter

Hufflebuffs: An affectionate synonym  for bare bottoms

Quafftide: Skinny-dipping at high tide.

Kalopsia: An involuntary nap brought on by over-eating

Cover Slut: The Kardashians’ tongue-in-cheek endearing nicknames for each other

“Wonder”clout: Using one’s seniority to get to the head of the “bread”line at the homeless  shelter.

For  yet another Fibbing Friday. I can’t resist.

Xmas Traditions Explained (For Fibbing Friday Dec 22, 2023)

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                                                          Leave Santa alone, Kids. He’s exhausted!!

1. Ever wondered why they call them Christmas Carols? Because Bob was already associated with bobbing for apples on Halloween, Ted was busy spreading hay for the manger and Alice was busy looking at herself in the looking glass. ( Confused? See “Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice”)

2. Why do we put a fairy on top of the Christmas Tree? We didn’t. It just kept flying up there.

3. Are St Nicholas and Old Nick the Jekyll and Hyde of Christmas? No. Old Nick is just the natural result of St. Nick’s exposure to so much carbon chimney buildup and air travel over the centuries.

4. Why do we traditionally kiss under the mistletoe? The practice started because approximately 1/2 of the world’s population is actually allergic to mistletoe and the other 1/2 needs to give them artificial respiration therapy.

5. Why is it Christmas lights work when we put them away but don’t when we take them out the following year? Because you have to remember to unplug them before putting them away!!!!

6. Why are pigs in blankets so called? Because they are cold and this is a natural response to chillbains..

7. Should we have cream or custard on mince pies? Yes.

8. How did a Christmas Stocking originate? When Santa heard there was much mischief afoot during the year and decided he needed a method of bribery to put an end to it.

9. Do you like the idea of a white Christmas?  Well, yes. Much more than its actuality.

10. Have you been naughty or nice? Yes. You can guess which.

Red-faced.The Devil made me do it.

For Fibbing Friday

Who Sang That, Anyhow? For Fibbin’ Friday, Dec. 15, 2023

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Classic Christmas hits, but can you suggest alternative artists for them?

1. Wherever you are: Blind Faith
2. Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree: The Chain Gang
3. That’s my Goal: Joe Namath and the Lime-Liners
4. Mistletoe and Wine: Alan Shephard taking solace while recovering from a bad case of athlete’s foot after returning from the Moon landing.
5. I saw Mommy kissin’ Santa Claus: Truman Hanks, the night his dad Tom came home sporting full-costume during the filming of Polar Express.
6. All I want for Christmas: Melanie Trump, handing Donald a map of the U.S.
7. Sound of the Underground: The Moles (yes, a real group)
8. Jingle Bell Rock A trio comprised of *Barry Manilow, Alexander Graham Bell and Elvis. 
9. Can we fix it: The White House Plumbers
10. Somethin’ Stupid. Hate to quote the obvious, but come on now: Donald Trump

*Known as “The King of the Commercial Jingle.)

 

For Pensivity’s Fibbin’ Friday, Dec. 15, 2023  Illustration by Little Plant on Unsplash.