Tag Archives: silly poem

Eulogy for Artichokes

Eulogy for Artichokes

Behold the bristly artichokes scattered through the field—
delicious little thistles when boiled, buttered, peeled.
With our taste buds wakened and when they’re salted slightly,
it takes a bit of discipline to try to eat politely.

Leaf by leaf, we peel them bare, scraping off their meat.
We like them better with each tiny bit of them we eat.
Then scraping off the “chokey” part, we gobble down the heart.
They told us all along that this would be our favorite part.

Who knew these fat green pinecones would turn out to be so tasty?
Now we wish consumption of them hadn’t been so hasty.
And even after plates are bare and not a morsel lingers,
we’d like to slurp the butter up and lick it from our fingers.

 

Prompts for the day are scattered, field, discipline, bristly and wake. Image by Margaret Jaszowski on Unsplash.

Not in the Cards (An Art Dealer’s Lament)



Not in the Cards
(An Art Dealer’s Lament)

I hear your family reads tea leaves and
can tell the future from a hand.
And it’s been said that being mystic
tends to make one altruistic;
but insufficient evidence
exists in proof of this and hence,
moving forward, I must state
it is a truth I must debate.

Your sister’s painting of the farm
shows some skill, a certain charm,
with animals in states of grace
which normally is not the case.
Stallion, bantam rooster, steer
are not the best of friends, I fear.
And that pig you lately ate
likely knew its horrid fate.

I’ve no need to excoriate
your peaceful kingdom, but of late
realism is the trend
in the paintings that I vend.
It’s clear your sister did not foresee
what my response was going to be,
for her depictions of rural glee
are not the canvasses for me.

Prompt words today are altruistic, farm, canvas, forward, insufficient.

Perpetual Kid


Perpetual Kid

My little brother was hard to tie down,
and after his rambles through country and town,
hangry and dirty, he plopped in a chair,
and enclosed in his pants cuffs and stuck in his hair
were tree leaves and grass stalks and pollen from flowers
that accompanied him home after hours and hours
of wandering aimless inspecting the world
where all of the wonders of life were unfurled.

A junior adventurer, he would not change.
Even grown up, his travels would range
from border to border as yearly he tended
to follow adventures that never have ended.
From China to Africa, from pole to pole,
to see the whole earth has become his goal.
Yet year after year, when he’s through he comes home
where his sister is waiting with cook pot and comb
to fill up his tummy and clean the man up.
For in every lone wolf remains traces of pup!

 

Prompts for today are ramble, hangry, enclosed, tend and junior.

Tactical Failure

Tactical Failure

Cream whipped up frothy as air smothering chocolate cake—
how much more temptation is my rival going to make?
She knows that my true love is fond of skinny hips,
and yet she makes confections she knows will tempt my lips.

Tiny marzipan cherries adorn the cookies that
she knows that I will not resist and that they’ll make me fat.
She wants to exacerbate a rift she knows is there
ever since as a surprise I cut my knee-length hair.

His complaints resounded over the neighborhood.
Everyone heard his distress, so I’m sure she could
as she passed by on the sidewalk, walking very slow
on her way to the juke joint where they both liked to go.

I know she had designs on him for the very next day
she brought three dozen cookies lined up neatly on a tray.
They were for consolation for she knew we were in trouble,
and so she baked me cookies and made the frosting double.

Thus did this vixen hasten my love affair’s demise
by appealing to my weakness and doubling my size.
And thus because her tactics seemed so perfectly to work,
I wound up with a sweet life while she would up with a jerk! 

Prompts today are frothy as air, exacerbate, marzipan, resound and joint.

A Mismatched Love Story

A Mismatched Love Story

He approached their assignation
with a bit of trepidation,
for she was gregarious
while he found talk nefarious.

With an air of resignation,
he forgave her education,
but though she loved a well-penned book,
he found, alas, she couldn’t cook.

She loved dogs, he had a cat,
but he could  get over that
if not the comments that she made
while strolling down the esplanade.

What he found impetuous
was her transforming “Me” to “Us.”
So, alas, they never wed.
He learned to cook himself instead!!

 

Prompts for today are resignation, lean, gregarious, impetuous and comment.

New Dress, Two Sizes Too Small

 

New Dress, Two Sizes Too Small

Once I hone my figure, this will fit me like a glove.
Not one curve will be awry. I’ll be in shape for love.
I’ll put myself in training and walk a mile a day.
I’ll pack up all my cake pans and stow them all away.

I’ll give up chips and chocolate and concentrate on kale,
and after just a month or two, be skinny as a rail.
I have such fine convictions. I know I’ll reach my goal,
and to celebrate, I think I’ll have another roll!

 

 

Prompt words are awry, hone, train, figure and  glove. Dress image by Sharon McCutcheon. Cinnamon roll image by Dilyara Garifullina, both on Unsplash.

New Baby Blues

New Baby Blues

I rue the day my mom acquired my new baby brother.
I wish that she’d return him and come back with another.
When I first saw him, he was cute and I was rather proud,
but that’s before I knew the fact that he would be so loud.

When he cries, he makes a sort of ear-splitting sharp bleating
all the time Mom’s in the kitchen seeing to the heating
of the bottle used to apportion out his dinner.
You’d think for all the fuss he makes that he was growing thinner,

Yet I swear that day-by-day, to my great disgust
that he’s growing bigger—fatter and more robust!
And when he isn’t sleeping or drinking or deranged,
he is damp or poopie and insisting to be changed.

I think this baby’s broken and I think we need a new one.
I asked if I could go along when they go to view one,
but Mommy says there’s no return because this one is used,
while Daddy uttered not a word—just stood looking amused.

It really isn’t funny, though. In fact, I’m most annoyed
that they have less time for me now that they’re employed
taking care of baby—making sure he’s fed and well
while all this time I’ve been here too, living in baby Hell!

He’s diapered, held and cuddled, sung to and adored
while his older sister sits here feeling bored.
They say that I’ll feel different once he’s more grown up,
but if it were up to me, I’d trade him for a pup!

 

Prompt words today are proud, heating, apportion, damp and rue.

Polite Conversation

Polite Conversation

If you’re looking for activities that are sure to excite us,
best not to show the cat scans of your diverticulitis.
Discussion of this topic is sure to bring unease,
for most folks are oblivious to other folks’ disease.

Illness carries no cachet and should not be repeated.
When bringing up such maladies, you’re sure to feel defeated.
So keep incisions covered and try not to share your woe,
for if you’re hypochondria’s showing, you’ll be labelled as a schmo.

 

Prompt words today are diverticulitis, oblivious, schmo, cachet and defeated.

Weight Watcher Coup


Weight Watcher Coup

Why would my Weight Watchers meet in a restaurant
that’s a buffet where diners can eat all they want?
I guess it’s to practice resisting temptation,
but instead I am feeling severe perturbation.

Potatoes and gravy and chicken and peas
and desserts where a person can eat all they please
are simply not kosher when one should be dieting.
Instead of resisting, I find myself rioting.

I charged up to the counter and filled up my plate
with a pile of entrees I’m ashamed to relate.
Then muffins and crepes and strawberry pie
spilled over the sides and reached up to the sky.

Something about me was slightly off-kilter,
and I found I was eating without any filter.
If they’d pared down the menu, I’d have much less naughty,
and the folks at my table might have looked way less haughty.

My table mates clucked and looked sad and disgusted.
It was  clear at buffets I was not to be trusted.
Yet I noticed also some looks of regret
as they surveyed these goodies that they, too, could get

if only they had the nerve to break ranks:
scalloped potatoes and baked beans with franks,
chocolate eclairs and ice cream with hot fudge
all could be theirs with nobody to judge.

Yet what could it hurt, just one serving of gravy?
Just one piece of chicken, one biscuit and maybe
one serving of pudding without the whipped cream?
Would one scoop of vanilla really be extreme?

I saw resolve falter as one after one
they returned to the line for a muffin or bun,
chicken fried steak or some pork or some shrimp—
first with restraint, then ceasing to scrimp.

And that’s how I broke up our Weight Watcher’s bunch
after a single ill-fated lunch.
I’m not proud of my actions and the resolves I’ve killed,
but at least for the present I’m sufficiently filled!

 

 

Prompt words for the day are filter, naughty, meeting, pare and menu.

Short Career in a Chinese Restaurant

Short Career in a Chinese Restaurant


Her first day on the job, how was she to guess
why so many customers left in distress,
complaining that they found the restrooms deficient—
the number of stalls being hardly sufficient?

How was she to know that epsom salt wasn’t
the same as real salt, for everyone doesn’t!
When he found that she’d filled all the shakers with it,
her boss came unglued and threw a small fit.

Her poignant excuses were given short shrift
and alas she was fired at the end of her shift.
At a meeting of friends, she took refuge in booze,
then opened her heart and relayed her sad news.

All of her friends found her firing dramatic
bemoaning a boss so rigid and dogmatic,
and along with their sympathy, gave the advice
that they should have used soy sauce to flavor their rice.

Prompt words for today are poignant,  dogmatic, meeting, advice and shift. Image by Lachlan on Unsplash.