After Vespers

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After Vespers

I arrived home with much ado,
removed a small stone from my shoe,
took off my girdle, straightened my hat,
smoothed my gloves and kissed the cat!
I believe in proper things––
all the joys good breeding brings.
I do not spit, smoke weed or curse.
I carry breath mints in my purse.

I go to church. I tithe and pray.
I brush my teeth three times a day.
But when I went to watch TV,
I found a strange sight greeting me,
for there sitting upon my couch,
next to my little cat treat pouch,
were two small beings––a her and he––
the lady perched on the fellow’s knee.

They both looked up with cool aplomb
as though they hadn’t dropped a bomb
appearing with no invitation.
What’s more, to my great perturbation,
balanced on the lady’s knee
was the chocolate cake I’d meant for me!!!

She took a bite and gave him one,
then turned to me when she was done,
addressing me, though we’d not met.
(I mean, just how rude could one get?)
And what she said in a haughty tone,
perched upon her human throne?
“I’m afraid this cake is rather dry.
I wonder, have you any pie?”

I’ll tell you no more of this story,
for after that, things just got gory.
My opening words would seem most pale
compared to the ending of my tale.
Suffice it then for me to say
the uninvited didn’t stay.
Afterwards, my gloves came off.
I cleared my throat and gave a cough.

I scraped the cake crumbs in the sink,
mixed myself a little drink,
closed the drapes, unplugged the phone
and stretched out on my couch––alone.
As I settled down to Downton Abbey,
I was feeling way less crabby.
Real glad I hid the pie, y’all,
because I sat and ate it all!!!

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The Prompt: Unexpected Guests. You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake. Tell us what happens next.  What a hilarious prompt!  I loved writing this one.
 https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/unexpected-guests/

24 thoughts on “After Vespers”

    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      Wish I had figured that out long ago. It would have saved me much trepidation and guilt. But, actually the people weren’t that small. Just smaller than me, which meant I won!!!

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  4. Allenda Moriarty's avatarAllenda Moriarty

    Loved it! I was wondering who are you trying to kid as I was reading the first 1/3 of the poem. My how someone has changed. Then was satisfied to see you returning to your old spunky self as the poem progressed. When Judy takes the gloves, all Hell breaks loose! What kind of pie did you enjoy?

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    1. lifelessons's avatarlifelessons Post author

      Ha. My dad once hid a box of chocolates from my Mom under the cushion of a living room chair and was giving her one chocolate a night! That wasn’t my mom’s idea of an adequate chocolate consumption rate. She found it right away and started eating as many as she wished but replacing them with cheap chocolate-covered cherries which she hated. She had no temptation to eat the cherries and once the good chocolates were all gone, she started turning down my dad’s nightly offering. He never noticed the difference and was mystified by her self-restraint!!!

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