Category Archives: Humor

Ode to My Doctor, For My Vivid Blog prompt, Aug 26, 2024

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Ode to My Doctor, Who Has Done Little to Curry My Favor

Each of these foods you suggest for my diet
has not one feature to urge me to try it.
The chard is too leafy, the kale makes me gag.
I will be affianced to naught in this bag.

This fluffy green spinach would be best in a dip
with sour cream and onions and served on a chip.
I have not one vestige of an urge to consume it
raw in a salad, so do not assume it

will ever pass lips as selective as mine.
I need carbohydrates and meat when I dine.
Do you get the message that I’m on the outs
with arugula, collard greens, beet greens and sprouts?

My palate’s delighted when it comes to spice.
A molé is lovely and a curry is nice,
but please put some meat in it. I’m a contrarian
when you attempt to turn me vegetarian.

For My Vivid Blog, today’s prompt is “Doctor.” I wrote this poem three years ago, but I’m still of the same opinion.

For Fibbing Friday, Aug 23, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday  the day’s task is: These are all legitimate medications, but how would you describe them (does not have to be medicine)?

1. Ciprofloxacin: The eighth deadly sin.

2. Domperidone: An expensive wine.

3. Idebenone: What I’d be if I’d never been born.

4. Anakinra: A 19th century tragedy by Leo Tolstoy

5. Cisplatin: Braiding my sister’s hair.

6. Pancuronium: A radioactive treatment used to cure pancreatic cancer.

7. Xgeva: What I gave my former best friend for Christmas.

8. Dihydroergotamine: Advice shouted to my friend Diane’s friend standing on the sideline during our marathon race   that I have my water but to give her more to drink!!!

9. Bloxiverz: A poem written for one’s blog.

10. Phosex: Making love long distance.

Old-Fashioned Attention for MVB prompt, Aug 22, 2024

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IMG_4387

Lunch Date

One thing I’d like that I will mention
is some old-fashioned attention.
The kind with no device in hand
is the kind that I can stand
better than the sort with texting—
minds caught in “before” and “next”ing—
and not a thought for whom you’re with
until I’m sure that it’s a myth
that I’m the one you want to see,
even though you have invited me.

For though our table is for two,
you bring so many more with you—
every relative and friend.
Your texts to them just never end.
Our tete a tete‘s become absurd.
I never get to speak a word!
Since I’ve discovered you’ve come to see
your smart phone as more smart than me,
there’s just one thing I’d like to state.
Please cancel our next luncheon date,
and the next time you desire a munch,
just take your iPhone out to lunch!

FOR MY VIVID BLOG PROMPT: OLD-FASHIONED

“Parting Words,” For My Vivid Blog, Aug 19, 2024

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Parting Words

Before Rhett Butler went on the lam,
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
was his parting imprecation
before he he left on his vacation.

For My Vivid Blog the prompt is Profanity.

“My Shoes Go Out Without Me” for What Do You See Prompt, Aug 19, 2024

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My Shoes

My shoes go out without me. They do it all the time,
and do the things I never do. They jog. They hike. They climb.
When I wake up I find them strewn throughout the house—
one flip flop on the counter. High heels beneath my blouse
that’s flung across the table where I don’t remember putting it.
I bet they’ve been out dancing—two-stepping and high-footing it.

When my cowboy boots go riding, I’d like to go along.
I’m pretty sure, however, they think things would go wrong.
Perhaps the horse would throw me or I’d wind up getting lost.
I’m sorry that I bought them, considering the cost!
Other people are the boss of all their clothes and shoes,
but when my shoes and I face off, I am the one to lose.

I could take to going barefoot. This would work while at the beach.
Then when all my shoes are out far beyond my reach,
into the surf I’ll wade and then wander out again,
trapping sand between my toes everywhere I’ve been.
So when my shoes get home at night, they’ll be completely clueless
that I’ve left them out as well by venturing out shoeless!

For What Do You See?

Mismatched for SOCS

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Mismatched 

When a certain fella has had a drink
or two or three, he’s bound to wink
at the little lady dressed in pink.
Her drink’s cubes give a subtle clink
as she decides what she might think.
Is he a stud or just a fink?
His clothes are sort of rinky-dink,
yet her long lashes, swathed in ink,
flutter in a come-on blink.
One fingernail is seen to sink
into her glass. He’s at the brink
of coming over to seal the link.
She checks her breath.  It doesn’t stink.
She reaches down and dons her mink.
But then he stops and seems to shrink.
In this sure deal there seems a chink.
It’s clear that when she deigned to flirt,
she missed the writing on his shirt.
This is the message that went unread:
“Be kind to animals,” it said.

The SOCS prompt is shirt. Image by Marco Lastella

More Blather For Fibbing Friday, Aug 16, 2024

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Top Cat, Top O’ the Wall

For Fibbing Friday, Aug 16, 2024  the prompts to define are:

  1. Ambidexter: Dexter’s answer to the gender question on his draft papers.

2. Blatherskite: What townsfolk call the cat of the town gossip.

3. Breviloquent: How one would describe a well-presented short speech.

4. Crapulence: Any speech by Donald Trump.

5. Graumangere: A dog trainer specializing in threatening dogs.

6. Grimoire: Material for a burial shroud.

7. Illaudible: Sounds heard while upchucking.

8. Podsnappery: Static heard over earbuds.

9. Poetaster: A literary cannibal.

10. Polemic: An Irish resident of the northernmost point on Earth.

“Cleaning Up” For the Three Things Challenge

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Cleaning Up

Toothbrushes remove gristle from
the area we whistle from
while brooms are used to clean and prep
those surfaces whereon we step.
And lest the reader balk and bristle
o’er its lack in this epistle,
I will not overlook the mop—
that device with which we slop
water on spills of the day
we feel the need to wash away.
You may deride my need to gush
over the likes of mop, broom, brush,
but still I choose to raise a cup
to laud those things that clean me up!

The prompt words for the Three Things Challenge M786 are: bristle, broom, brush.

 

“Spotless” For MVB prompt: Reputation

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Spotless

They say he was a bastion of the community.
Of what their youth should aim for, the exact epitome.
Mothers named their kids for him and he was so discreet,
his name labelled a shopping center and a city street.

Asked to speak at graduation, his words were most succinct.
Not one old lady fell asleep. Nobody even blinked!
Moral, staunch and upright, he was everyone’s ideal.
He always used the crosswalk. He didn’t cuss or steal.

No forensic laboratory ever had a label
or test tube or fingerprint of his upon their table.
In short, his reputation was one without besmirch.
He went to each town meeting, every Sunday, went to church.

He did not exceed the speed limit, use liquor or smoke pot.
Every single vice on earth was something he was not.
His genes were the best of genes. His relatives all lasted
at least until one hundred, and he dieted and fasted.

Ate kale and probiotics, whole grains and leafy greens.
He sponsored many charities and lived within his means.
So when he died it wasn’t from alcohol or drugs.
He did not die from violence—his own or that of thugs.

He did not perish from obesity or accident or whoredom.
In the end, they say that he simply died of boredom!

 

Thanks to  Martha Kennedy. and ForgottenMan for contributing this cartoon.

For the My Vivid Blog prompt, Reputation

“Directionless” for SOCS, Aug 10, 2024

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Directionless

I’m shipping out for northern climes, not knowing what to pack.
Am I leaving here for good or am I coming back?
One thing pulls me northwards and another bids me stay.
I really do not know what I desire from day to day.
Some call me indecisive while others call me weak
just because I do not know what it is I seek.
I need someone to point me in the right direction
since I seem unable to make my own selection.

 

For Stream Of Consciousness Saturday: Ship