Category Archives: Humor

Time Temporal, for NaPoWriMo Day 3, 2023

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Time Temporal

                  by Judy Dykstra-Brown

Shall I contrast thee to a winter’s night?
Thou art less lovely and more tempestuous.
The lack of wind doth still November’s empty stalks,
Oe’r which the winter hath too long a power.
Sometimes the too-cold moon hides ‘neath the clouds.
Then rarely doth it’s pitted face shine forth;
And dark from dark can sometimes rise,
Spurred on by fate or providence’s static plan.
But thy short winter shall soon pass away,
Restore to thee the homeliness of death.
Nor shall that birth that brought you forth to light
Still claim thee when temporal time shall stop thy growth.
As men lose breath and eyes lose sight,
So dies this poem, and draws thee with it to thy grave.

Sonnet 18

            by William Shakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow’st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

 

For NaPoWriMo  Day 3, they wanted us to write an “Opposite Poem” based on a famous poem. Mine is above.

The Professor Joins E Harmony

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The Professor Joins E Harmony

On his first round of internet daming,
sure he was intent on shaming,

his blind date stirred up such a fuss
when he called her pulchritudinous,

that it proved a barrier to fun
as she announced their date was done!

His mistake was simply ’cause he
didn’t know her brain was fuzzy

and unaccustomed to such words
that more literary birds

might realize were a compliment
in fact, a word meant to augment

the chance that he might marry her
instead became a barrier

of misunderstanding that
made her think he’d called her fat!!!!

The lesson learned from this brief story
is that blind dating can be gory.

What a guy has got to do
before he makes a swipe anew

is to ascertain his date’s I.Q.
before he chooses words to woo!

Prompt words for today are rambunctious, augment, fuzzy, pulchritudinous, shaming and barrier. Illusration from the Nutty Professor Site. No attribution.

Romantically Retired

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Romantically Retired

I think I’ve formerly related
that I’m neither wooed nor dated.
Zero heroes, zero traces
of besotted hearts or faces.

Gamblers better put their money
on the fact I’ll have no honey.
Chances more likely for a win
on the roulette wheel’s random spin.

Fortune tellers’ only visions
are of partings and divisions.
No new meetings, no reunion
that might prompt a future union.

So I guess I’ll go on missing
bouts of geriatric kissing.
And instead of passions new,
fond memories will have to do.

Prompt words today are spin, related, traces, vision, money and zero.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

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Before the below words are imputed to be of my crafting, I must say though I am hugely partisan to their genius, I did not, alas, write them. The story below is full to the brim with creativity and good humor—its word choice both spry and original, and although the plot line may at first seem indecipherable, I trust that your mind will soon snap in line and make transliteration on my part unnecessary.

Although H.L. Chace wrote Ladel Rat Rotten Hut seven years before my birth, my folks were still quoting it when I became old enough to memorize it myself.  After 70 years, I can still quote lines of it by heart.  I want to quote a bit of it here with a link to its online source. Hopefully, it won’t require transliteration:

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

by H. S. Chace

Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist.  Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin, pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut’s murder colder inset.

“Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist.  Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors!  Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers!”

“Hoe-cake, murder,” resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft.  . . . .

To read  (and hear) the rest of the story, go to https://www.exploratorium.edu/files/exhibits/ladle/

 

Prompt words today are brim, spry,  partisan, impute, craft and transliterated.  (Transliteration changes the words from one language or alphabet into another corresponding, with similar-sounding letters with different characters.) Image by Šárka Jonášová on Unsplash.

Teen Wisdom

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Teen Wisdom

The children are all burgeoning into adolescence,
though like shaken sodas, they emerge with effervescence.

Not thinking of the consequences, behavior audacious,
argumentative and therefore maddeningly pugnacious.

Parents’ beliefs are fallacies. Teens think that only they
have the means and knowledge to clearly know the way

to surge into the future, the internet their guide—
believing all its stated truths are bonafide.

They don’t listen to their parents because, for sure, they’re wrong.
They’d rather get their wisdom from TikTok or a song.

For this generation, electronic media rules,
dispensing equal wisdom from sages and from fools.

Is it truth or fiction? Is it wack or cool?
How can they know the difference? Clearly, hormones rule.

 

Prompts today are consequences, fallacy, pugnacious, burgeon, mean and soda.

(The non-teen who wrote this poem was so wack that she misspelled TikTok as TikToc. Some teenager just clued her in.) And to be fair, there are probably just as many adults misguided by the internet as there are teens who are.

Weeds (For dVerse Poets)

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The beauty of a weed.

Weeds

They poke their heads through every crack.
We pull them out, but they come back.
What rule of nature is to blame
that the flowers we plant don’t do the same?

Here are other poems written for the dVerse Poets prompt: Weeds

Here is the prompt for dVerse Poets!!!

Fractal Life

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Fractal Life

Life has turned into a fractal with continual repeats.
She never changes what she wears or watches, does or eats.
Life for her is poignant in its regularity.
She has a time to go to bed, to exercise and pee.

Now that she has forged a life, she finds it easier
to repeat the patterns. Change makes her queasier.
Instead of heaps of whipped cream, she simply has small dollops.
Life is so much easier protected from its wallops.

She sticks to even pavement on her daily walk.
When it comes to beaches, she is known to simply balk.
No pebbles touch her insteps. No sand between her toes.
Her shoes and socks stay on her feet everywhere she goes.

Her established patterns determine where she’ll be.
She simply does not countenance irregularity.
So if you’ve never met her, I fear you won’t be missed
unless you are already included on her list!!!!

Prompt words are fractal, poignant, forge, wallop, pavement. Image by Cathryn Lavery on Unsplash

Sangria Mania

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Sangria Mania

My walks to the refrigerator are, I fear, redundant
in search of liquid succulent and winey and abundant,
for I cannot quell my thirst for what is in the pitcher
I keep upon the bottom shelf—sangria all the richer

for strawberries and orange juice, wine and Seven-Up.
I drink it by the crystal glass and sip it by the cup.
I fear that for eight months or so, this liquid’s been a stable
addition to my fridge, not to mention on my table.

Now I’ve addicted all my friends, for few have ever balked
at helping me to quaff this liquid that I can’t keep stocked.
I find that now I have to buy the wine on which it’s based
not only by the bottle, but now I buy it cased!!!

It goes so well with Cheetos that I buy them by the bag,
and I must admit that we’re also on a jag
of scarfing down these cheesy bits so succulent and crunchy,
for as we quench our thirsts we feel the need for something munchy

 

My recipe for Sangria:

Put a handful of whole frozen strawberries in the bottom of a glass pitcher.

Cover with tequila and put overnight in the fridge.

The next morning, fill pitcher 1/3 with Kirkland Sangria, 1/3 with orange juice (I use Jumex) and 1/3 with 7-Up. Stir and return to fridge.

Serve  over cracked ice in clear glasses with a stir-stick stabbed into one or more of the strawberries retrieved from the pitcher.

If you are in Mexico, serve with Cheetos Torciditos. In the States or elsewhere where they are not available, choose the crispy Cheetos.  Share with friends.   Ahhhhhhhhh.

 

 

 

Prompt words today are stable, succulent, quell, walk and redundant.

 

Saving Skins

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Saving Skins

Inherent in the human race are needs to swathe the body
in skins of other creatures more furry or more gaudy—
leather pants to cover up their lower naked form,
with a furry  jacket to keep the top half warm.

The entrance to a muskrat’s den is always underwater,
which furnishes protection for his mate and son and daughter.
Adopting such safe measures is prevalent in those
whose shiny coats are popular in making human clothes.

 

Prompt words are muskrat, prevalent, shiny, inherent, adoption and style. Image by Joshua Cotten on Unsplash.

From the Horse’s Mouth

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From the Horse’s Mouth

Since I come from where the horses live,
you’ll find these words superlative.

More than one savvy equine
has told me that it’s asinine
to expect a horse to dine
on hamburger or pork or fishes,
for it goes against his wishes.

If he gives in to your urges,
you can soon expect his purges.
Burger, hot dog, tail or fin
will soon come out where it’s gone in!
Don’t seek to change what horses eat,
for if you do, you’ll meet defeat.

Word prompts today are vivid, urge, asinine, defeat and superlative.