Category Archives: humorous poem

Fatal Obsession

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Fatal Obsession

My father is an ogre and rather hard-of-hearing,
but I had the silly idea I could rise above my rearing.
All my friends were human and I had a strange obsession
for screening them from tendencies I had in my possession.

The result was that I scored a beau inimitably grand—
the sort of perfect boyfriend I thought I’d never land.
Vibrant, handsome, wealthy and inordinately smart,
he was the sort of catch that would melt any ogress heart.

In short, I could barely believe that Avery was mine,
but when I brought him pridefully home with me to dine,
after the aperitifs, the soup and the tossed salad,
I noticed that my father was looking somewhat pallid.

I stepped into the kitchen to find him food more savory,
only to return to find that dad had eaten Avery!!
I cried, “How could you do this to one who’s so indelible?
“I tried to prove you wrong,” he said. “I thought you said inedible!”

 

Note: An ogre (feminine: ogress) is a legendary monster usually depicted as a large, hideous, man-like being that eats ordinary human beings, Ogres are closely linked with giants and with human cannibals in mythology.

Prompt words for today are vibrant, indelible, inimitable, possess and pride.

Payback

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Payback

When Hal at the feed store hired a new clerk,
he was friendly enough, but a bit of a jerk.
He quickly filled orders for packets of seed
of a kilo or so, but he didn’t accede
to requests for help out with a heavier sack.
He had an excuse as he claimed a bad back.
Then later that rascal would  go to the gym
and work out with weights far heavier than him.
Of course word got around and was cause for his layoff.
Good news for his back which now has every day off!

Prompts today are layoff, rascal, friendly, accede and clerk. Image by julian-andres-carmona-serrato on Unsplash.

Squirreled Splendor

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Squirreled Splendor

Why this crazy diadem so intimately curled?
How quizzical you’ve seen it fit to be completely squirreled.
If I decide to follow suit to don a furry coif,
will you claim a copyright and make me take it off?

 

Prompt words today are decide, diadem,  copyright, quizzical,

New Puppy: The Sunday Whirl 540

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New Puppy

She’s distracted in a heartbeat by a petal or a stone.
No errant tuft of grass is ever left alone.
She does battle with the gate, makes fairy trails through sand,
makes a complicated plaything of a single human hand.

The spill of lacy shadows by the sun above the trees,
the ticking of a clock or the slightest little breeze
all demand attention. There’s no limit to the things
that become her playthings: bottles, fingers, strings.

Only sunset brings a finish to frenetic hours of play.
There is a certain surcease, finally, at the end of day.
But 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 6.a.m. again
mark hours when new playtimes are scheduled to begin.

Prompt words today are: sunset finish  string spill heartbeat trails  tick stone gate

For The Sunday Whirl 540 Wordle

Stop and Go

1 Reply

Stop and Go

Consider the ramifications
of an excess of libations. 
You can kiss but you can’t hug
the frothy lip of a bar mug.
It takes a bit of nerve and spine
to veer off course, to forsake wine
and face the angst of barroom gents
in favor of family events.
Hats off to drinking men who know
The proper time to stop and go!

 

Prompt words today are ramifications, angst,  veer, spine and hug, 

The Divine Supine

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The Divine Supine
A chunk of ham, a pint of beans,
a glass of wine, some magazines,
an afternoon stretched out supine,
a hearty meal on which to dine.
No serious tasks to stir and pique,
No work to do. No goal to seek.
“Pronto” not an adverb you’re
likely to hear to make you stir.
Lazy days and lazy nights
are what set the world to rights.

 

Prompt words today are chunk, pronto, pique, supine and serious.

Grandpa Discovers Virtual Reality

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Grandpa Discovers Virtual Reality

I’ve been over yonder and frankly I’m perplexed
about how all the young ‘uns seem to be so under-sexed.
Virtual reality makes real-time life a bore.
Why bother with reality when you can live on lore?

Real life takes some gumption but virtual life’s a snap.
Who needs real love with Kim Kardashian upon your lap?
It seems that in the future perhaps all folks will live thusly,
sitting watching screens to live their lives vicariously.

 

Prompt words are perplexed, vicariously, frankly, yonder and snap. Image by Lucrezia Carnelos on Unsplash.

Harridan

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Harridan

I’m standing at the crossroads between a saint and bitch.
Schooled in forebearance, I’ve stayed within my nitch.
But lately things are changing. I’m losing self-control.
The hounds of Hell have been released and now they’re on patrol.
They’re fluting all the pillars formerly unmarked—
scoring them with unfurled claws every time they’ve barked.

Soon I will be certified as a nagging crone—
the sort of aging harpie who prefers to live alone.
I’m sure its hard to fathom it, as perfect as I’ve been,
kowtowing to authority—especially to men.
But privilege must come to all as we come to age,
so I’m expressing sovereignty, at least here on the page.

 

Word prompts today are flute, crossroads, certified, bitch. Image by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash.

Temporarily Shoeless

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Temporarily Shoeless

My mind is in a quandry and I don’t know what to do
about the most unfortunate loss of my new shoe.
I’ve retraced my footsteps and looked with hawk-like eye
and yet not any trace of it was I able to spy.

I find no consolation in the fact I still have one,
for dancing in a single shoe cannot be any fun.
The majority of those I know say to just forget it,
but they have not a notion of the way I came to get it.

I peep down through the curtains when I hear the doorbell ring,
and from my turret window, see the one who will be king
and in his hand he holds the shoe that is a perfect pairing
to the shoe that on one foot I happen to be wearing.

As I limp down the stairway, I hear my sister strain
to stuff her foot into the shoe, in spite of all her pain.
Then my other stepsister tries to do the same.
She offers to cut off her toes, but his majesty’s not game.

“Is there another sister?” he asks as I appear.
My stepmother says no but I step forward and say, “Here,
I have the other slipper,” and so the story goes
on with a happy ending, as everybody knows.

 

Word prompts today are hawk, quandry, majority, consolation and loss. Image by Ilina Ekaterina

Tofurky Asafoetida Blues

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Tofurky Asafoetida Blues

My brother’s new wife has the whole family curious.
Her allegations seem New-Age and spurious.
With the result that grandma is furious.

She turns family gatherings into a podium
where she expounds on the dangers of sodium.
Meanwhile, the whole family is on Imodium .

Off to the bathroom, each one in a hurry
after imbibing in her saltless curry.
Will grandpa recover? We all share the worry.

Her asafoetida and cumin and dahl
have certainly cast an ominous pall.
We hardly enjoy family dinners at all!

She stuffs us with pita and gags us with bulgur
because she thinks regular rice is just vulgar.

But macrobiotic and Christmas don’t mix.
We miss all the old foods she’s certain to nix.

No turkey, no dressing, no cranberry sauce.
And no Christmas pudding, ’cause she is the boss!

For years, family dinners went by with no glitch,
but not so since bro married this tedious bitch.

So Santa, this year it would be very pleasant
if you gave us all just one communal present.

Please, Santa, deliver us from her tofurkey
and restore us to pudding and dressing and turkey!!!

 

Note: Asafoetida is a strong spice with a pungent smell, often used in Indian cuisine. It has been known to cause burping, farting and swelled lips.

Words of the day are ditch, insist , spurious, vulgar and sodium.