Category Archives: humorous poem

Jurisprudence

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The Defendant
The Claimant

Jurisprudence

One litigant a teddy bear, the other a stuffed bunny.
The plaintiff acting churlish, the defendant merely funny.
The judge’s view obstructed by the toy box’s high rim,
she declared a change of venue out to the jungle gym
where the judgment was decided by an animated race
to see who could swing highest without plummeting through space,
but before the final verdict could even be recited,
it seems a higher ruling had already been decided.

A necessary recess was called for by the judge.
She told the bear and rabbit they should not dare to budge.
When her mother declared nap time, she said that they’d resume
as soon as she was given the chance to leave her room.
She left Barbie, the bailiff, to insure that they’d be good
and both of them assured her that of course they would.
But in the end both parties wound up in custody
after the judge’s jailer called an emergency

made necessary when hard rain and a gusty wind
tumbled teddy bear and bunny both end over end.
So by the time the judge woke up, a power that was higher
had sent claimant and defendant to confinement in the dryer.
Then the rabbit hung from one ear and the teddy from his tie
from the clothesline in the laundry until both of them were dry.
Then there was a happy ending with all of them set free
as judge and bear and bunny wound up on daddy’s knee!

The Judge

The higher power and the bailiff

The prompt words today are view, emergency, churlish, animated and funny. I asked Forgottenman for a sixth and he gave me litigant.

Having Friends Over for Dinner

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Having Friends Over for Dinner

I very nearly missed out on her graceful zigzag gig
beneath my bougainvillea, suspended from a twig.

Behold the nimble spider, spinning out her floss
determined that no insect will turn out to be her loss.

See her web’s tenacity, holding fast her prey—
those delicious visitors who rarely get away.

She sucks out their elixirs with minimal delay,
having guests for dinner every single day.

 

Prompt words today are web, tenacity, nearly, nimble and delicious.

Frisky Business: Animal Mischief (In Celebration of National Dog Day)

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Frisky Business

My dogs aren’t highfalutin. Don’t compete by size and weight.
All that classy dog shows preach, they repudiate.
Diego never notices where a thrown stick lands,
and neither one’s consistent in following commands.

On stormy days, Morrie’s been known not to chance the rain
to go about his business in the usual terrain.
They’re murderers of  possums. This is no fresh news.
And when six pork chops vanished, I followed all the clues

down to where the evidence lay “hidden” in the yard.
How did six chop bones get there? It wasn’t very hard
to figure out the mystery. Diego was the thief
tall enough to bring about my dinner party grief,

swiping all the main course directly from the pan.
When his master’s back is turned, a dog does what he can.
But at least they are consistent in appearing for their meals.
No dog can only live on the comestibles he steals.

For more frisky business, go HERE or HERE or HERE or HERE! Or HERE, HERE or HERE or HERE! The entire story of the purloined pork chops is HERE, and, if you want it all in a nutshell, THIS ONE pretty much wraps up the whole story of my misbehaving dogs.

Prompt words today are highfalutin, repudiate, consistent and, since none of my other prompt sites has posted a prompt yet and since August 26 is National Dog Day, I’m declaring  my fourth prompt word to be dog!! If you see this and want to play along, just post a link to a photo or poem or anecdote about your dog to this site.

Here is my link for your pingbacks to this site: https://judydykstrabrown.com/2019/08/26/frisky-businessanimal-mischief/

Testing Affection

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Testing Affection

When I booked a sea adventure with a lover, I confess
that traveling together put our passion to the test.
It’s true I grate on people. I’ll attest to this one fact,
but it’s also true at times that my guy could use more tact.

When he kept daily tallies of the cookies on my plate—
a definite statistic I preferred he not relate—
he meant it as a joke, but I considered it as snide.
Comments about my appetite are ones hard to abide.

He maintained a steady pace and told me not to dawdle,
and even though his rapid steps made him sort of waddle,
I should have kept that to myself, but I fear I did not;
and that is why things got as heated as they finally got.

I said I’d zero tolerance for what was going on
and before he knew it, I was off that ship and gone.
And this is often how it goes when new love goes out traveling.
It’s often hard to face new climes without romance unraveling.

 

Full disclosure: Although the imagery in this poem reflects a recent sea voyage taken with my sister, the content is purely fictional. Well, except for the cookies harvested from the abundant buffets, which we both consumed in rather embarrassing numbers, but really, no one took a tally and no one waddled!! Nor did it put sisterhood to the test.

The fact that traveling together can put friendship or romance to the test, however, can be all too true. The first European driving vacation I took with a certain lover, I couldn’t wait to get home so I never had to see the jerk again, and at one point I really did tell him to pull over and I got out of the car and vanished into a forested tract for awhile. Thankfully, he waited patiently and I eventually emerged and got back into the car. Things evened out when we got home and within a year, we were married. Nonetheless, there is a reason for the old adage  that “true love (and traveling together) never did run smooth.”

Guided by the needs of these prompts, I have combined the two stories and the frictional lovers’ driving misadventure has been transformed into a cruise.

 

Prompt words for Aug 25, 2019 are friendship, excursion, snide, attest and zero.

Too Much Information

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photo by joel muiz on Unsplash. Used with permission

Too Much Information

Substantiation of your sex appeal is shown in your tattoos—
illustrative options in so many different hues.
It’s true that your charisma is there for all to see,
inscribed upon your body be it thigh or calf or knee.

If I might take a moment, I could read you like a book.
A hieroglyphic record in your body’s every nook.
The snakes around your biceps and thorns circling your neck,
beer bottles on your forearms and the joined hearts on each pec.

All the ladies of your past hidden here and there.
Mandy on your wrist and Susan nestled in your hair.
Lucy on your pinkie and Maxine upon your shoulder—
might you regret them later as you get a little older?

That tear that’s sliding down your cheek, the stars beside your eyes,
that naked lady on your neck—do you think it wise?
I’m thinking of your grandchildren, for when your shirt you doff,
you won’t have any secrets, for your stories won’t come off.

Prompt words for today are charisma, tattoo, options, substantiation and moment.

Scoreless

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photo by Ben Hershey for Unsplash, used with permission

Scoreless

As a jock he’s overrated. He’s insipid and a bore.
He dishes out the dirt on all his dates that’s mainly lore.
By their choice a second date is rarely in the works.
They have their radar out for all such predatory jerks.
On the field he’s second rate at passing and advancing.
But those skills are stellar when compared to his romancing!

Prompt words for today are insipid, dirt, jock, overrated and choice.

Culinary Timing

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We reached Corfu this morning and are now 8 hours ahead of my usual Central Standard Time in Mexico.  This can wreak havoc with both maintaining contact with friends back home, sleep and appetite. This morning as I ate breakfast at what would have been midnight back home, I wrote a poem that had nothing to do with this subject. Unfortunately, I unthinkingly ripped it up and threw it away later after I used the same paper to record our scores for a dice game, so here is a substitute on the subject of what big time changes do to the psyche as well as the appetite.

Culinary Timing

I’m in trouble with reason.  My time’s taken flight.
I don’t know the difference between day and night.
My head can accept we’re eight hours ahead,
though my body prefers to stay longer abed.

The diet they serve us now we’ve reached Corfu
agitates me with a troubling snafu.
When it’s breakfast time here, I am taken aback,
for my palate’s desirous of a midnight snack.

Time’s not in contention. I know I am wrong.
As they change the time, I should go along.
All day, it’s my stomach that keeps on resisting.
Shrimp cocktail? I’d rather they desist insisting.

Whatever they’re serving is not what I wish.
I’m ready for pancakes. They want to serve fish.
The meal I desire is not what they’re makin’.
They want to serve lobster when I prefer bacon.

I truly like visiting different places,
seeing strange sites and different faces.
Yet, I may give up traveling merely because
they cannot keep time the way that it was!

 

 

 

Words for today are agitate, diet, flight, contentious and trouble.

Defection

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photo by Donald Giannatti on Unsplash, with permission

Defection

Her endless tries to civilize her wild Wyoming grin
and the crooked chipped-off tooth that resided within
did nothing to dispel its authentic cowgirl charm
or its endless talent in working to disarm
any reticent cowboy who thought he would resist it
then ended up admitting that he wished that he had kissed it.
So when at last those lips were kissed, alas it was no drover,
but instead a city boy who won our wild girl over.
And, because they took no chance in winning her affection,
it was in fact the cowboys at fault for her defection.

 

Prompt words for today are acerbic, authentic, endless, civilize and grin.

Afternoon Under Cats

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Afternoon Under Cats.

I’m feeling lethargic, no gumption or drive.
If you saw me now, you would doubt I’m alive.
I’m flat on my back in a bit of a bind,
looking for energy that I can’t find.
So though I need coffee to wash down some Bayer’s,
my cats are on top of me, piled in layers.
Obstinate creatures, they simply won’t move.
They laze around daily  with nothing to prove.
And what must be giggles just come out as purrs.
I need me some whips and I need me some spurs
so I can herd cats from their comfy position
that they have adopted as part of their mission
to make sure that I do not deign to stir,
remaining inert under bundles of fur.

Prompts for today are gumption, layer, giggle, obstinate and find.

Unlikely Pairing

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Unlikely Pairing

One ungainly orphan elephant, wandering and uncertain
of where his journey’s leading him, comes upon a curtain
of mist that rises from the plain, shimmering, evanescent.
The stars now muted overhead, the moon a fuzzy crescent.
He splits the curtain, comes upon a lone and lost impala
split off from the herd during some wild stampeding gala.
They form a duo and plod on, each looking for a herd.
Such an unlikely couple. Impossibly absurd.
And yet they struck a certain chord, each one with the other.
She was the sister that he lacked, and he her missing brother.
One thing led to another. She fit him like a glove,
and before they knew it, the two were fast in love.
When the baby came, it looked a bit like a nyala,
a bit like a rhinoceros––an elephantiala!!

Prompts today are intent, orphan, elephant (good grief) and evanescent. Add this one, too: curtain.