Category Archives: humorous poem

Flunking Exotic

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Flunking Exotic

When I was young I had an idea I could be exotic,
but when in fact I tried, I found my goal to be quixotic.
For even though I thought that I could be like Theda Bara,
My skirt rode up, my nylons ran and so did my mascara.
I spent a fortune for “vamp” clothes, but had no place to wear them,
and they were so tight and scratchy that I could hardly bear them.
This is what finally prompted me to settle for what’s normal.
Exotic’s harder than it looks, as well as way too formal!!!

https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/17/fowc-with-fandango-prompt/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/13/daily-addictions-2018-week-41/exotic

Serendipity

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Serendipity

Seated at the movies in the last row of the balcony,
I couldn’t hear the dialogue and the man in front of me
was so tall that captions, too, were impossible to see.
But all of this, indeed, was just a part of serendipity
that played out as I exited the door they’d marked “Emergency”
that led out to the lobby where I’d decided that I had to flee.
There I found a bench and with a paperback upon my knee,
I passed five minutes during which I read with such intensity,
I didn’t even notice a man exiting to go to pee,
until he left the Men’s room, and I looked up as he passed by me.
He was a very handsome man—the very one who  formerly
had blocked my view but who now sat beside me and delightfully
soon engaged my interest with his wit and his sincerity.
And that is how our “he” and “me” quickly turned into a “we,”
and also how, ultimately,  you two children came to be!

The prompts  today are serendipity, balcony, emergency and caption. Here are the links:
/https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/16/rdp-tuesday-serendipity/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/16/fowc-with-fandango-balcony/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/16/emergency/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/13/daily-addictions-2018-week-41/caption

Shooting Hoops at the Class Reunion

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Click on photos to enlarge.

Shooting Hoops at the Class Reunion


Lest I be less than discreet
and be accused of gross conceit,
I’ll go where it can be repeated
that our team was undefeated
way back then in sixty-four.
The swish of hoop, our fans’ loud roar—
nothing can erase the blast
of this fine victory of the past.

The crowds we drew. The way we toiled?
Nothing since has ever spoiled
the memory of that group endeavor.
Back when we were fresh and clever,
young, athletic, fit and tall,
we all excelled at basketball.

Fifty years later, though it’s true
we may be a decrepit crew,
our memories are still intact.
We well remember every fact
as one by one, we each relate
our memories of winning State.

If I were at home, I could publish a photo of one of our glorious small town basketball teams, but since I am not in the proximity of my old annuals, I’ll make do with photos of one of the school reunions, fifty years later.

The prompts today were blast, draw, conceit and spoil. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/15/rdp-monday-blast/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/15/fowc-with-fandango-draw/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/15/conceit/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/13/daily-addictions-2018-week-41/spoil

Lashing Out

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If you’ve never before heard of the phrase “on fleek,” get in line behind me.  It was, however, the prompt word for the Ragtag Daily Prompt site today. In essence, it means perfectly done, exactly right; extremely good, attractive or stylish; sleek and perfectly groomed or styled. Examples: “Eyebrows on fleek.” , “Makeup on fleek”.


Lashing Out

When her lash she chose to tweak,
intent on its being on fleek,
alas she tugged a bit too much
and found that it escaped her clutch.
In vain did she survey and stoop.
The lash had landed in her soup.
And shortly after she sought to seat it,
she had the misfortune to eat it!

 

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For the RDP prompt, “fleek.”

A Rancorous Opponent

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A Rancorous Opponent

Though he excelled in decibels, his logic was found lacking
and in the end came off as a futile sort of quacking.
So when their tiff was over, all his ravings and his rantage
didn’t seem to grant him a discernible advantage.

The Daily Addictions prompt today is “advantage.”

The Old and Unrested

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The Old and Unrested

The old and unrested return to their beds,
propping their pillows under their heads.
Pulling their blankets up to their ears,
they let up on the gas and go into low gears.

Setting their brandies or porters or gins
on their bedside tables, they settle their chins
upon their chests and watch some TV
on laptops that sit where their boobs used to be.

Life is confusing when you are too near it,
especially ’cause it is so damn hard to hear it.
Then when you’re alone, it’s entirely too loud.
These neighborhood noises should not be allowed!

They turn up the volume to drown out the noise
of the car alarms, weed eaters and screaming boys.
They lie all morning, secure in their beds.
Life is much easier lived in their heads!

For Daily Inklings, Objects at Rest.

Trouble Crossing

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Trouble Crossing

Fjords, ravines and crevasses are hard enough to cross,
but when it comes to intersections, I am at a loss.
I excel at parallel parking and my merging is just fine,
but when negotiating stop lights, I simply do not shine.

Perhaps it is the colors that I find distracting.
There’s something about yellow that I find too exacting.
Red is most definitive. I know I shouldn’t go.
And green is also clearly meant as a sign to go.

But yellow’s indecisive. Should I go or should I stay?
Should I linger or should I be upon my way?
This solitary factor is what makes me balk.
As a means of transportation, it is true I’d rather walk!!!! 

The prompt words are color, parking, fjord and solitary. Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/10/rdp-wednesday-color/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/10/fowc-with-fandango-parking/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/10/fjord/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/daily-addictions-2018-week-40/solitary

A Sedative Soliloquy

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A Sedative Soliloquy

He was a jovial companion, but his constant burbling ways
inevitably put folks in a protective daze.
So although I’m sure his ego assured him they were rapt,
in fact it was illusion. All too frequently, they napped.

 

Prompt words today (actually, yesterday’s as I’m running late) are burble, illusion, jovial and inevitable. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/rdp-saturday-burble/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/06/fowc-with-fandango-illusion/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/06/jovial/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/inevitable

Futile Advice

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Futile Advice

Truck trials are enigmatic. I just can’t see their appeal.
Big boys ruining their toys? I want to say, “Get real!”
If one of your life pleasures is to buy things and deplete them,
just buy some triple-decker cones and take them out and eat them!
It’s bound to be much cheaper and it makes a lot less noise,
but I know that you won’t listen. After all, boys will be boys.

 

The prompt words today are truck, trial, enigmatic and deplete. Here are the links:
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/05/rdp-friday-truck/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/05/fowc-with-fandango-trial/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/05/enigmatic/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/06/06/welcome-to-daily-addictions/deplete

Driving Lesson

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Driving Lesson

Brace yourself for lamp posts. Do not vacillate changing lanes.
That panic you feel turning corners very quickly wanes.
For each 10 miles of your speed, stay a car length back
to make it much less likely a bumper you will crack
when the car in front of you makes a sudden stop.
Anticipate fast braking, and avoid the traffic cop!

These rules aren’t too difficult, in fact they’re common sense.
When you see your instructor growing rather tense,
decrease your speed and check that you are driving center lane.
Checking your makeup in the rear vision mirror is inane!
Indicate your turning and brake for traffic lights.
Minding all the rules just makes for fewer fights.

I’m sure that if you follow them you’ll soon be driving regally.
It’s so much easier to drive when you’re driving legally!

The word prompts today are brace, lamppost, vacillate and anticipate.  Here are the links:

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/10/04/rdp-thursday-brace/
https://fivedotoh.com/2018/10/04/fowc-with-fandango-lamppost/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/04/vacillate/
https://dailyaddictions542855004.wordpress.com/2018/09/29/daily-addictions-2018-week-39/anticipate