Tag Archives: Heaven or Hell

Judy’s Advice on Preparations for the Afterlife

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Judy’s Advice on Preparations for the Afterlife
(For Jim)

Do you get a discount
or will there be none
when your time on Earth
will finally be done?

Whether it is better
to be raw or roasted well
depends on where you’re going.
Is it Heaven or to Hell?

 

I received this request for a poem from Jim Anshutz:

Some of my thoughts on cremation. 1. I will ask if they give senior discounts.. 2. I will also inform them that I sit out in the sun each day and get quite sunburnt. My question is, “do I get a discount for being pre-cooked? You can take it from here, Jude. Please make this a very humorous piece of poetry. Hit it, Jude🔥🔥🔥

 

 

Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

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Heaven and Hell’s Kitchen

Unearthly nutrition is on its last legs.
How often have you been served deviled eggs?
Ambrosia they say was the food of the gods,
but to be served it now? Just what are the odds?
And only when faith causes us to unleaven
are we ever gifted with mana from heaven.
Heavenly hash and devil’s food cake
are dishes that only a cougar would make
to lure her young lover into her lair.
Wherein she’d seduce him with her angel hair
pasta to help him to bolster his energy—
her clever plot to improve their synergy!
But, if you’d like to start a new trend, 
by reprising old recipes, then read on, friend.
A *karma cocktail or a **devil’s brew?
Now and then it won’t hurt you to have one or two.

*A karma cocktail is made with Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, Triple Sec, Orange Juice, and Lemon Lime Soda!

To make a**devil’s brew : In a shaking glass, add vodka, triple sec, melon liqueur, peach schnapps and lime juice. Shake well. 3. Gently add ice to serving glass and strain mix over before layering ever clear on top and lighting.
Prompt words today are unearthly, nutrition, cougar, rally and clever.

The Afterlife

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The Afterlife

When it comes to thinking about the afterlife,
differing opinions are likely to run rife.
Norse warriors were rewarded by a ticket to Valhalla.
Muslims aspire to Jannah after judgement day by Allah.
In order to prepare for it, a Catholic confesses,
hoping to atone in time for all his Earthly messes.

A protestant believes in heaven but not in confessing.
He deals with sins within his prayers and leaves his preacher guessing
about what he’s been up to, storing misdeeds in his head,
atoning for his weaknesses in private, before bed.
He fears if he’s a sinner or a selfish reprobate,
access might be denied to him at the pearly gate.

Atheists are cavalier, not needing a solution
to the ills they do on Earth, fearing no retribution.
The good they do in life is not for heavenly reward.
The charity they practice, done of their own accord.
Whether there’s an afterlife, they don’t pretend to know.
Comminatory actions limited to life below.

Afterlife or not, however, animals don’t worry.
They graze and swim and procreate, swim and fly and scurry,
unaware there’s anything wrong in what they do.
They do not pray on bended knee nor frequent any pew.
They live the lives they’re given, just following their nature,
not fretting over afterlives of any nomenclature.

 

Prompts today are afterlife, cavalier, coalesce, comminatory and weakness.

My Blue Heaven

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The topic for Song Lyric Sunday is “Heaven or Hell.”  Given a choice, it will always be heaven for me, and my mind immediately settled on “My Blue Heaven,” my favorite version of which was recorded by Leon Redbone.  The lyrics are pretty simple, but if you need to see them after you listen to the song, you can find the lyrics HERE.