Category Archives: Humor

“Stopping by Friends” for SOCS Apr 26, 2025

DSC00274 DSC00271

Stopping by Friends Enroute to California

Whose house this is I surely know.
I’m sleeping on their sofa, though
And did not see that table there
And so I stubbed my little toe.

Their monstrous dog must think it queer
To find a stranger sleeping near
And yet no fuss he seems to make.
Golden retrievers are most dear.

He gives his collar tags a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
And wakens me from where I sleep–
A task that is a piece of cake.

The morning’s early, dark and deep,
But now I won’t return to sleep,
for I have schedules to keep
And miles to drive before more sleep.

I hope this parody  I wrote of “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” will qualify  For SOCS “Shake”prompt.

for Fibbing Friday, Apr 25, 2025

Image thanks to the NY Public Library

for Fibbing friday, the task at hand is:

  1. Who was buried in King Tut’s tomb? Christopher Robin, who was the one who uttered the phrase “Tut, tut, it might rain,” to cause Pooh to raise his umbrella to save himself from the bees. 
  2. Why did the Sphinx have a lion’s body and a human head? Because in the alternative choice,  the human body couldn’t support the lion’s head.
  3. What month of the year did the Nile River overflow its banks? Oct”Ober.”
  4. How many gods did the ancient Egyptians worship? Every one.
  5. How much makeup did Cleopatra wear? Enough to cover her eyes and face.
  6. How long was Nefertiti’s neck? Long enough to reach from her shoulders to her head.
  7. Why did the Egyptians walk so strangely? Their skirts were too tight. (See illustration above.)
  8. .How many pyramids did they build? Too many.
  9. What was Ramses II known for? Butting heads with the Nubians.
  10. What did the Egyptians do in Karnak? Watched the Johnny Carson show.

Wrecking My Ping

 

Image (This is the actual result of my speed test after I turned off the VPN.)

Wrecking My Ping

“I don’t know what to make of ping,”
he told me, simply answering
my question of the difference
and, in truth, my inference
that he would know the answer and
as usual would take a hand
in clarifying one time more
what a speed test measures for
and what they had to do with “ping”
and downloading and uploading
and whether one point twenty three
was enough download for me
and whether zero point six seven
would get me into upload heaven
and what this ping stuff had to do
with starts and stops that ruined my view
of films that I had hoped to stream
that only made me want to scream
because they came in fits and starts,
ruining all my favorite parts!

Are they adequate, I asked?
His scorn was only partly masked
as he admitted they weren’t at all.
“And ping?” I asked him this last thing.
and he was quick in answering,
“I don’t know what to make of ping,”

Ping Fact (Addendum)

These numbers are the actual,
although they aren’t the factual
upload feeds
nor download speeds,
for I forgot to disconnect
the VPN and so I wrecked
results of loading speed and ping,
but I was apt in my rhyming
which only goes to show a poet
is not a techie, so now you knowet!

 

For the Ragtag Daily Prompt, the word is Wreck

Unruly Punctuation!!! for SOCS Apr 18, 2025

Please note that I’ve used the punctuation marks in place of the words that describe them, so in reading the poem, you need to pronounce each mark. For ! say exclamation mark.  For. say period.

Unruly Punctuation

When a guy driving a GMC
swoops into line in front of me
and takes the place I meant to park,
I use an !

While the ,’s made for multi-tasking,
in a sentence meant for asking,
there has to be a ?
lest readers be left in the dark.

An ! is fine
when simply put at end-of-line,
but,
too many (quite a fault of mine)
bring out the punctuation narcs
to ban those !!!!!!!!!!

Those abounding in . . .
are labeled punctuation gypsies
because they don’t know when to stop.
So please call in a grammar cop.

I must admit that I am rash
and tend to overuse the .
What’s more, my editor goes crazy
when I forget or just get lazy.
His eyes bug out, his face goes red
when I make use of  instead.

The . is the simplest mark.
At sentence end it’s meant to park.
It’s always put where it is best
to let the sentence come to rest,
and no one puts it elsewhere lest
the reader is put to the test
to search from clause to clause to clause
to figure out where he can pause.

When I think of rhymes for ,
only strange words like pajama
are what come to mind—or llama—
or words not to the point, like “mama;”
so I’ll just say the Oxford ,
is like MAGA folks to Obama.
If his (and my) advice is heeded,
it will be clear that they’re not needed!!!

The purpose of the 
is as clear as it can be:
Judy’s car or Judy’s house,
Judy’s dog or Judy’s spouse.
Yet, when the pronoun enters in,
it is the biggest grammar sin
to use apostrophes for possession
(although I’ll make this hard confession
that often I, unthinkingly,
will write it’s where it never fits.)
It’s in possession should be its!)
“It’s” only used as a contraction.
(It’s a faction, but not it’s faction.)

I think I may conduct a poll on
: versus ;
Which one separates two clauses,
signaling those longer pauses;
and which one signifies a list?
I’m sure that you have got the gist
of which is which—where each should go
to end this punctuation woe.

( ) mark an aside, much as amight do,
Like “ ”, they’re paired. You always must use two.
Which brings us to the  that joins a compound word.
You never put a space in. To do so is absurd.
You should not use it as a dash with spaces on each side.
That is an antique usage that I simply can’t abide.

Yet if you choose to Google some of the rules here,
there will be discrepancies from site to site, I fear.
What I say they’ll question. They’ll support what I must pan.
So I can only say that I’ve accomplished what I can.
In spite of all my studying, despite my dedication—
I find that few agree on rules applied to punctuation!!!!

 

Here’s my response for SOCS: Our Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “exclamation.’” Add an exclamation mark to your title or the first word/sentence of your post and just keep writing. Have fun!

“Life of Syn” for Fibbing Friday, Apr. 18, 2025

 

Photo from Unsplash

The word puzzles for Fibbing Friday are:

1. Synergy: The amount of vigor/vitality we possess that is delegated to the pursuit of evil .
2. Synonym: The false name we use when embarking on naughty endeavors
3. Synchronicity: When we chance upon someone equally larcenous as ourselves
4. Syncopate: When change our hairdo to follow a fad.
5. Synopsis: What the naughty sister often says to her perfect sister when trying to persuade her to participate in one of her “adventures.”
6. Synaesthesia: When you wake up not remembering the wild night before.
7. Synaptosome: A naughty website availabe to some but not all.
8. Synanthropes: Naughty sinners
9. Synagogal: A lady of dubious morals who is up for nearly everything.
10 Synaptid: The fake name you use to go onto naughty internet sites.

“Master of None” for the Three Things Challenge, Apr 16, 2025

Click on Photos to Enlarge.

for the Three Things Challenge, the prompt is “Master”

“To Do List” for the Sunday Whirl 702

To Do List

Shoot moonbeams at your heroes,
shoot bullets at your foes.
Sing songs of blended melodies
to exorcise your woes.

Don your hood and start a brawl.
Flick hound hairs from your sleeves.
Wear your racing stripes to prove
what nobody believes.

This present trip around the track
is not your first or last.
It’s only things we have not done
that make us feel aghast.

For the Sunday Whirl Wordle702 the prompt words are: races wear hound brawl song hood blend heroes flick shoot trip beams

“Jammed Up Creativity” for SOCS

Jammed-Up Creativity

Dark genius sits there pondering and staring at the screen.
His features in reflected light glow a sickly green.
He works his cyber screwdriver slightly to the right.
His only tool––the keyboard––is his weapon in this fight
as every blog on WordPress skews slightly all at once.
He’ll show his third grade teacher for calling him a dunce!

He tugs a little here and there, adjusting cyber screws.
And just for fun, he adds a few zeroes to my views.
He knows that I am watching and he senses my excitement.
He chuckles that my false success has been at his incitement.
Then he shuts down the internet––Facebook, WordPress, Twitter.
and my seconds of great happiness turn just as quickly bitter.

Bloggers the world over are turned back onto themselves.
Photos trapped in media files or stacking up on shelves.
No place to reach out for a friend for shut-ins who, once freed
to roam a universe of blogs now sit in dire need
of someone just to talk to. To realize they are there.
They sit staring at their screens, though all of them are bare.

Week after week we wait for our deliverance from this blight.
We miss the internet all day, and even more at night.
I’m thinking about former friends, now lost across the miles,
tripping over poetry surrounding me in piles,
thirsting after comments about every brand new thought.
Having no fast outlet, my brain feels like it’s caught.

Bound up in old creations that have no place to go,
with no easy outlet, the thoughts are coming slow.
Jammed up creativity is worse than constipation,
for writing with no readers is just mental masturbation.
It’s true that I have friends to call and writers’ groups as well.
But they have not the patience to hear all I have to tell.

A blog gives me an avenue to fill out a whole world
with thoughts that for a lifetime, I’ve kept inside, tightly furled.
For those of us who always have felt slightly alone,
the Interweb has seemed a placed created to atone.
In the darkened hours when others are asleep,
we live that midnight life we’ve kept within us, buried deep.

History moves ever onward despite glacier, war or flood.
We see it trailed behind us in footprints etched in blood.
So we’ll survive the cyber war when it comes to pass
by spending more time with our friends, calmly smoking grass
or sharing drinks at Starbucks, devoid of texts or apps,
but we’ll miss our midnight family filling in the gaps.

 

For SOCS the prompt is Jam

For Fibbing Friday, Apr. 11, 2025

The words to define for Fibbing Friday this week are:

1. Embiggen: What you seek to do by peering through a microscope or magnifying glass.
2. Eargasm: What you often hear through the walls of cheap hotels.
3. Erumpent: A description of middle age spread.
4. Eldritch:  A title for moneyed senior citizens.
5. Epizootic:  A category of TV episodes that depict animals in confinement.
6. Frabjous: Fragile joyfulness
7. Floo-fla: A misdiagnosis for Swine Flu.
8. Fipple: A small unintentional untruth.
9. Floop:  A urine specimen provided to test for influenza
10. Fizgig: A job in a mineral water bottling company.

“Two Voices” for the W3 Challenge.

“Sisterly Squabbles”

A little weep, a little sigh,
a little teardrop in each eye.

Grandma Jane and her sister Sue,
one wanted one hole, the other, two

punched into their can of milk.
(All their squabbles were of this ilk.)

The rest, of course, is family fable.
They sat, chins trembling, at the table.

When my dad entered, we’ve all been told,
their milk-less coffee had grown cold.

For the W3 Challenge. this is the prompt: Two voices. Two perspectives. Tension lingers in the air. Can they find common ground? Will the conversation spark understanding or fracture further? You decide.Write a poem—any form, or none at all—that captures the heart of a difficult conversation.

My grandmother and her sister had a lifetime of such “differences.” It might have begun due to the events  revealed to me by my Aunt Stella, my grandmother’s daughter. Years after the deaths of both my grandmother and her sister,  I had asked my dad’s sister why there seemed to be so much antagonism between my grandmother and her sister, whom we called “Aunt Susie,” even though she was really our great aunt.  My Aunt Stella, a good church lady, revealed to me then what she thought was the crux of their antagonism.  My grandmother had, before my grandfather, been married to a different man whom she never ever mentioned to us, although her sister Margaret had mentioned him on occasion to us as *”That Black Devil!”  Grandma had one daughter with that husband, my Aunt Margie, but then divorced him and married my grandfather and had two more children, my father and my Aunt Stella, who told me the following tale.  It seems as though Aunt Susie once visited my grandmother and “The Black Devil” in their tiny one-bedroom house. When bedtime came, there was only one choice…one bed..and so of course they all three shared it.  “But, my  aunt said, unfortunately, my grandmother made the mistake of putting her husband in the middle and during the night, she woke up and found he and her sister were, well, um…they were having sexual intercourse!”  That was perhaps the only time in her life my Aunt Stella ever said those words and the fact that she told me was amazing.  No one else in my family had ever heard this story but we had surely all wondered why in that time when divorce was unheard of, my grandmother had chosen to divorce “That Black Devil.”  Years later, when I chose to go to a family reunion of my Aunt Margie’s family, all descendants of that “Black Devil,” (although I don’t think any of them ever met him since my Aunt Margie was raised by my grandmother and her second husband who had moved the family from Iowa to South Dakota) none of them had never heard the story, either. It certainly would explain, however, the lifetime of nit-picky bickering between my grandmother and her sister.

*  In calling my grandma’s first husband, “That Black Devil,” my Aunt Margaret was describing his soul as black, not his skin.