Category Archives: Humor

Dressing for Attention, for Poetic Bloomings, Nov 24, 2024

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Dressing For Attention

Purple pedal pushers and a yellow skirt.
For a hat, a fascinator, and a tartan shirt.
A fur stole that’s a relic of another age—
when they didn’t raise them in a tiny cage.

Platform shoes to raise me up in elevation
so the band will see me during their ovation.
Great big shades to block the sunlight from my eyes
and so my date can’t see me flirting with the guys.

Bright pink polish on my nails and rhinestones on my lashes.
A girl has got to dress up right for these special bashes.
I will match the music—loud and brash and brassy.
Bands don’t notice groupies whose style is too classy!

For Poetic Bloomings, we were to write a non-culinary poem making use of the name of one item from our thanksgiving meal. The word I chose was, of course, “dressing.” It’s my favorite part of the meal!

Your Dishwasher’s Advocate

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For the PAD challenge, we are to write a poem about a machine.

Your Dishwasher’s Advocate

Cycle after cycle, they clean our dirty dishes
yet do we ever think about acceding to their wishes?
Maybe they, too, have appetites, and I sometimes think perhaps,
they were patiently waiting for their favorite scraps.

A bit of rich spaghetti sauce, a dollop of our mousse,
a little bit of buttered bread or rib eye’s savory juice
might have fulfilled their evening’s dreams or might have made their day,
But instead we diligently swab it all away!

No rich reward for faithful servants waiting for our scraps.
No satifsfactory searches for tidbits left in gaps.
And so they go another day, our faithful old machines,
without a taste of hamburgers or beets or nectarines.

They cannot live on water alone. Those soapsuds have no savor.
And so the next time when you scrape, please do your pal a favor.
Leave a few scraps on the plate. Don’t clean too well those tines.
Think about your faithful friend who oh too rarely dines.

Leave your dishwasher a tip—something on which to sup.
Leave wine dregs in your goblets and leave them facing up!
Leave rice grains in your rice bowl. Do not clear that sauce away.
Being less efficient, will make your Maytag’s day.

If your wife makes a kerfuffle over the job you do,
remind her it is you that’s here scraping off the goo.
Take her by the shoulders and deflect her view.
Your dishwasher is grateful for it every time you do!

 

“Chocolate-covered Potato Chips and 90210” for Fandango’s Flashback Friday, Nov 22, 2024

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For Flashback Friday, Fandango has asked us to rerun a blog we published on November 22 of a previous year. Mine is from 2014!

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Chocolate-covered Potato Chips and 90210

Thanks be to God for TV that’s evolved beyond Godzilla.
And thanks to him for frozen cream—both praline and vanilla.
Another pleasure is writing in bed. It’s how I start my day.
With no spouse or kids to feed, it’s where I get to stay.
I know that grandkids would be nice, but still I’m rather grateful
that being childless cuts to nil the chances they’ll be hateful.

Chocolate and potato chips, together or alone
are two more guilty pleasures for which I must atone.
I try to limit quantities that pass between my lips,
for if I eat too many, they’re displayed upon my hips.
Another guilty pleasure that’s high upon my list
is a stupid TV show that somehow I just missed

the first time that it came around and which I must admit
is really superficial, although it was once a hit.
Still, I can’t stop watching it when I am all alone—
a guilty pleasure for which I’ve found ways I can atone.
I only watch it from the pool as I do exercise—
computer balanced within view while I aerobicize.

The show I watch is Beverly Hills Nine-Zero-Two-One-Oh.
And that’s about as far as this confession’s gonna go!
I’m sure I’m shrinking brain cells, but I grow them back again
by reading hours of Marcel Proust, and then Anais Nin!
My ending comment must be this sincere beatitude:
for friends who like me as I am, I have great gratitude.

Guilty for my sins and the excesses that are mine—
grateful for the friends who still insist that I am fine
if I never turn out perfect both in looks and my behavior,
I guess the fact that they’re not perfect either is my savior.
Guiltily and gratefully, we all pass through this life,
pudgy from our excesses and battered by our strife.

But that’s how life is patterned, and we all are lucky still
that of our guilty pleasures we’re allowed to have our fill.
Thanks be to our compulsions and life’s excesses of pleasure,
for all our peccadillos end up as life’s greatest treasure.
So, thanks be again for naughty things. We both love and revile them.
With some of them we stuff our mouths. With others, We just dial them.

for Fibbing Friday, Nov 22, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday the words to define this week are:

1.    Airag: An unkind statement made by a stewardess while aloft.
2.   Balut: Rudolf Nureyev’s personal male attendant, responsible for his clothes and appearance
3.   Beondegi: Where be de word “giant” on de Scrabble board!!!
4.   Durian: What the Balinese couple named their stinky baby.
5.   Escamoles: Inuit sauces.
6.   Hákarl: The fourth Marx brother.
7.   Khash: What Kim Kardashian calls her private stash.
8.   Salo: The reduction of prices in a store in Mexico.
9.   Scrapple: An argument over the legitimacy of a Scrabble word.
10. Stargazey Pie: What the observatory restaurant serves for dessert.

Skipped Out, for MVB

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Skipped Out

It was a wretched theory. They postulated that
if we’d all collaborate, we’d lose all of our fat.
They weren’t very subtle. They gave us tubes of stuff
to squeeze over the food we ate, but never quite enough.
We had to buy the second batch, and prices just kept rising,
but we never lost a pound—a result not surprising.
Later, they skipped out of town—an act our friends found funny.
They told us from the first the only thing we’d lose is money!!!

For MVB: Skipped

Happy Medium

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                                          Happy Medium

I’m no rocket scientist,
but neither do I drool.
I once was an icon––
valedictorian in my school.
Living on a pension,
spending most days on my couch,
I’ve kept my sense of humor
and not become a grouch!!!

For Esther’s “Can you tell a story in. 39 words”   the words are:

  • ICON
  • DROOL
  • PENSION
  • ROCKET
  • COUCH

 

Excerpts from Heather Cox Richardson Letters from an American, Sept 12, 2024

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In a speech to about 550 people in Tucson, Arizona, Trump insisted he had scored a “monumental victory” in the debate, referred to Minnesota governor Tim Walz as the vice president, slurred his words, and appeared to be having trouble reading off the teleprompters. CNN tonight compared one of Trump’s 2016 debates with Hillary Clinton to his performance on Tuesday, and the difference was stark.

Psychiatrist Richard A. Friedman wrote in The Atlantic today that Trump is showing signs of cognitive decline. His tangents and inability to get to a point suggest “a fundamental problem with an underlying cognitive process.” “If a patient presented to me with the verbal incoherence, tangential thinking, and repetitive speech that Trump now regularly demonstrates, I would almost certainly refer them for a rigorous neuropsychiatric evaluation to rule out a cognitive illness,” he wrote.

Trump continues to try to dominate the political debate by refusing to back off any of his assertions, doubling down on the lies about immigrants eating pets and teachers giving students sex change operations. He called Harris a “Marxist communist fascist socialist,” clearly just stringing words together.

Meanwhile, he is giving off vibes of desperation. This afternoon he announced he would launch his crypto platform “World Liberty Financial” on X Spaces on September 16, hardly the sign of a presidential candidate convinced he’s about to regain his position as the leader of the free world.

It has been notable for a while that Trump’s wife, Melania, is nowhere to be seen, and Trump has begun to cling to provocateur Laura Loomer, who has vowed utter loyalty to Trump and is evidently quite happy to be seen with him. This is a problem for the Republican Party because of her history of conspiracy theories and open racism. As Joe Perticone and Marc Caputo of The Bulwark note, Loomer has referred to Vice President Harris as a “drug using prostitute,” for example, and suggested she has not given birth to children because “she’s had so many abortions that she damaged her uterus.”

Loomer’s extremism has made other Trump supporters urge him to keep her at a distance, sparking an embarrassing public fight. Two of those trying to get Trump to isolate Loomer are Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA). Their chilliness prompted Loomer to fight back on social media, questioning Graham’s sexual identity and calling attention to Greene’s extramarital affair and comparing her to a “hooker.”

 

 

For Fibbing Friday, Aug 30, 2024

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Image by Mike Kotsch on Unsplash

For Fibbing Friday,  The task at hand is:

1.  What is a gigolo? A short laugh.
2.  What is meant by paramount?  Two mounted horses, walking abreast
3.  What is a scenario? The breaking of any one of the Ten Commandments  in the second most populous city of Brazil.
4.  How many fingers do fish have? None. They are all periodically removed, breaded, fried, fast-frozen and packaged to sell in supermarkets.
5.  What is a bell hop? A debutant ball in the South.
6.  Why do pets ‘shed’? Because they find his comments embarrassing.
7.  What is the difference between toilet tissue and toilet paper? One you read to pass time on the potty and the other you use when you are finished reading and ready to “depot.”
8.  What is a chalet? A short jerky movement executed while dancing the cha cha 
9.  What is a clog? What a blogger calls his or her writer’s block.
10. Why can Lego™ be dangerous? Because someone free soloing up the face of a  mountain might obey someone who thoughtlessly shouts it from below!!!!

Ode to My Doctor, For My Vivid Blog prompt, Aug 26, 2024

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Ode to My Doctor, Who Has Done Little to Curry My Favor

Each of these foods you suggest for my diet
has not one feature to urge me to try it.
The chard is too leafy, the kale makes me gag.
I will be affianced to naught in this bag.

This fluffy green spinach would be best in a dip
with sour cream and onions and served on a chip.
I have not one vestige of an urge to consume it
raw in a salad, so do not assume it

will ever pass lips as selective as mine.
I need carbohydrates and meat when I dine.
Do you get the message that I’m on the outs
with arugula, collard greens, beet greens and sprouts?

My palate’s delighted when it comes to spice.
A molé is lovely and a curry is nice,
but please put some meat in it. I’m a contrarian
when you attempt to turn me vegetarian.

For My Vivid Blog, today’s prompt is “Doctor.” I wrote this poem three years ago, but I’m still of the same opinion.

For Fibbing Friday, Aug 23, 2024

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For Fibbing Friday  the day’s task is: These are all legitimate medications, but how would you describe them (does not have to be medicine)?

1. Ciprofloxacin: The eighth deadly sin.

2. Domperidone: An expensive wine.

3. Idebenone: What I’d be if I’d never been born.

4. Anakinra: A 19th century tragedy by Leo Tolstoy

5. Cisplatin: Braiding my sister’s hair.

6. Pancuronium: A radioactive treatment used to cure pancreatic cancer.

7. Xgeva: What I gave my former best friend for Christmas.

8. Dihydroergotamine: Advice shouted to my friend Diane’s friend standing on the sideline during our marathon race   that I have my water but to give her more to drink!!!

9. Bloxiverz: A poem written for one’s blog.

10. Phosex: Making love long distance.